Kim Kardashian

After 72 days of marriage, Kim Kardashian has filed for divorce.

Imagine Rex's surprise as, when I saw this on TV while I was working out, I immediately jumped up and said, "CRAP - I have to change my lesson plans for tomorrow!"

You see, my seventh grade boys are IN LOVE with Kim K. They have pictures of her all over their binders, backpacks, etc. It's actually kinda creepy, considering that she's 31 and they're 12, but alas. I have been telling them all year to lay off because she is MARRIED, but they have all been telling me that it will never last. I knew they were going to want to talk about it the following day (and, sure enough, the boys accosted me with their jubilation first thing in the morning. They even brought food for a party). I figured I would use their enthusiasm to my advantage.

When the seventh grade students came into class during third period, their warm-up writing assignment was on the board: KIM KARDASHIAN HAS FILED FOR DIVORCE. PLEASE RESPOND TO THIS IN YOUR WRITING JOURNAL BY WRITING AN ESSAY WITH ONE OF THE FOLLOWING TITLES:
1. "Why I should be Kim K's next husband"
2. "How Kim Kardashian can choose a better husband next time"
3. "Why America's preoccupation with celebrities can be dangerous"

I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in grading essays. For your reading pleasure, here are just a couple of the responses I got for choice #1 (which was obviously the most popular choice). Names have been changed:

1. Kim, I think you and I could be a great couple because I'm the type of person who respects people and would never argue with you. Also, I think you're a great person and I am too. I would treat you right and never do anything bad to you and feed you great food, also I am a very good cook and I will make your favorite food for you. When you're sore I would give a massage and buy a hot tub for you for your problems. I'd also give you great advice for your problems and give you everything you need. I'll also help your family and friends when they need it and try my best to help our around the house. I'm not super tall, but an average height of 5'7".

2. Well, the reason I should be Kim Kardashian's next husband is because I'm an easy guy to please. If I'm your next husband, I won't do much. I'll just sit down, play video games, watch the TV shows, play soccer, and play fantasy soccer online. But first before you marry me, you've got to know a couple of things about me. I play soccer and play video games. I'm hitting puberty kind of late, so lay off the deodorant. So I hope this paragraph inspired you.

3. I think your husband should be me because I love squirrels, my name is Francois, I speak French, and I am a good lover. I do not know if I want kids, but if I do I'll let you pick the name. I'll say things to you like I love the way your eyes sparkle, your smile is like babies laughing, your hair is so awesome, and your personality lights up the room. You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. Any time you feel gray I will try to make you laugh. I love you and no one can break that.

4. It was November 1, 2011. I was making some chicken nuggets for breakfast. I turned the oven to 400 degrees. My phone vibrated in my pocket. I looked at the screen: contact name "Derek." I answered, and he gave me the news. I just stood there. It would be too much of a commotion to scream or or even to run around the house. I just stood there - knowing there was another chance.
I would be the perfect husband for Kim because usually I answer my phone, I'm funny, a better basketball player than her ex, will listen to her, and I could also bring in a big income! I would be her third husband, and everyone knows that the third time is the charm. I'm smart, good with money, I make great cookies, and will always support and believe in her. That's why I should be her next husband. She made some mistakes in life, but when she marries me she will be flawless.

(This last one was technically responding to prompt #2, but I'm including it anyway).

5. Dear Kim,
Here are the steps to getting a good husband:
1. Call me, Derek Smith (702) 654-0987.
2. Tell me you want to go to lunch.
3. Get to know me.
4. Say yes when I ask you to marry me.
5. Have some progeny, or possibly adopt
6. Live Happily Ever After
I would be a good choice because I am smart, tall, funny, play basketball, am attractive, and I already love you. I will be at your side whenever you need me and I could kiss you all day. I am the best basketball player in the world (better than Kris). I also love dogs and big houses and I looooooooooovvvveee you!





I am SO sending these letters to Kim.