I only have one sister, and she lives over 2,000 miles away from me. I hate it. I try so hard to keep in contact with her, but it's tough. She's busy with her friends and with being in high school, so she doesn't have a lot of time to keep in contact with me. I try my hardest to write, text, message, e-mail, etc., but I feel really lucky if I ever get anything back. It kind of stinks sometimes. I know she's busy. I KNOW. I just love her a lot and want to talk to her. So sue me.
Anyway, even though she doesn't keep up with me too often, I try to figure out what's going on in her life by watching her facebook profile, talking to my parents about what she's been doing, etc. It really makes me feel like a creepy stalker sometimes, but she's my SISTER. I want to know how she's doing.
Today I texted her about something I saw on facebook, and she scoffed at me and said, "Facebook? Who checks facebook any more? It's all about Twitter now."
WHAT?! Geez louise. I try to stay up on the latest trends...my students generally keep me informed. I guess I missed the twitter boat. Is this a whole new way to stalk my sister? I decided that I must investigate.
Apparently Twitter doesn't let any average Joe look on their website. You actually have to make an account. Let me tell you - I am so anti-twitter. I feel like it's totally pointless. Why do you need a website to constantly alert people to what you are doing? It's actually quite creepy. There are just things you don't need to know. Example: "I am eating dinner." "Now I am pooping." "Now I am wiping my butt." "Now I am washing my hands." "Now I am washing my keyboard because it's dirty from my typing that before I washed my hands."
Sorry to be crass, but you get the idea. I just think it's really weird. I've always said that I'm never going to have a Twitter. This new information from Cara put me in a pickle though: do I go back on my anti-Twitter values in the hopes that I might glean some more information about my little sister's life, or do I stick to my hatred of Twitter and hope that she just decides to start talking to me about what she's doing lately?
Because I am so tricky, I found a way to solve both problems. I did not make a Twitter for myself, but rather I made one for ELVIS, so that Elvis can follow Cara and then I'll just peek once in a while. Muahahahahaha! So technically I am still Twitter-free, but I have a window into Cara's world.
I asked Cara for her username so that I could follow her. Trying to be hip, I asked for her "hanger," since that's what Twitter usernames are called, right? No, my friend - it's not. They're called "handles." Oops. I was already feeling dumb because earlier today I tried to text her "Hooray!" about something, but the new phone that I got has autocorrect and my text turned out "Bootstrap!" Here's what I want to know - in what universe is "bootstrap" more commonly used than "hooray"?!?! Anyway, Cara says I'm "old." I say I'M TRYING. Cut me some slack.
Anyway, back to Twitter.
Do you have a Twitter? Let me tell you - it's WEIRD. In order to make a Twitter account, I had to choose five people to follow. Obviously I chose Cara, but I didn't know anyone else. I decided to venture a guess that my most technologically hip friend Bri might have an account....and she did! Bingo! She hasn't updated since 2009...but at least I had two people to follow. Unable to find anyone else I knew, my last three choices were Justin Bieber, President Obama, and Governor Mike Huckabee. WOW. A very eclectic Top Five.
Anyway, with my five people chosen, my account could be confirmed. Hooray! I (I mean...Elvis) has an official Twitter! I immediately clicked on Cara's profile to see what she's been up to. When someone posts an update about what they are doing, it is called a "tweet." CARA HAS TWEETED 57 TIMES IN THE PAST TWENTY-FOUR HOURS! This is going to be like a whole new world of sister-stalking.
Unfortunately, because I'm unfamiliar with Twitter, I don't understand half of the stuff that's on her page. Like, who's "Mrfreshindian"? She certainly talks to him a lot. Who is this kid? Can I stalk him? Why is he talking to my sister? Oh, she just called him a "whore" in one of her tweets. Lovely. Why is my sister using such foul language? Why does my baby sister even know words like "whore"? Aaaaaaaah!
Oh, and she mentioned something about Family Guy in one of her tweets. My baby sister watches Family Guy? What?! I don't even watch Family Guy! That show's inappropriate! Let's go back to the days when she watched Lamb Chops and Raffi. I liked those better.
Anyway, just to get my toes wet in the Twitter world, I sent out a tweet from Elvis. It said, "This is my first ever tweet. I am a beagle. If you follow me, I am going to require that you give me a squeaky toy." A few minutes later, my Twitter home-page-thingy said that I have a new notification. Cool! So...where do I read it? I looked all over for the notification, but I still don't know where to access it. I just got an e-mail that said, "Your post has been retweeted!" What?! What's "retweeted"? Is this an entirely different language?! What is going on??
I discovered that Cara copied my tweet onto her twitter nest/wall/message board/whatever the heck you call it, and that's what a "retweet" is. So now who will see Elvis's post? All of Cara's friends? I decided to take a look at Cara's friends to see who would be reading the retweet. I've known one of them since she was literally in church nursery, so I thought, "Cool! I'll follow her!" I shouldn't have. I started looking at her page, and she follows things such as "sexology." What the.............?!?!?!?! When did Cara and all of her friends turn weird??
Maybe I don't want to stalk my sister any more. It's freaking me out. Plus, Twitter is confusing. The site is now telling me that I have another notification, and I still don't know where to find them. GAH! I think I'll just settle for assuming that Cara spends all of her free time reading the Bible and helping the homeless, and perhaps it's time for me to give up on stalking her. It's getting too complicated.
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