Things to Do for Long Distance Couples

Today I got something fabulous in the mail.  One of my friends from college is a military wife, and she had a handbook about how to enrich a long distance marriage.  She thought of my current situation and sent it to me, which I really appreciate.  It was so kind of her.  The book was basically a list of all of these things you could do for your spouse while they're gone or things you could do together long distance.  To the book's credit, there were a few good ideas in there (A FEW).   A lot of them, however, were exceedingly strange.  Like, I want to meet the couples who submitted these ideas.  I was going to list some here with my commentary, but you know what?  I don't even think you need my commentary.  The list really just speaks for itself.  Here are my favorite twenty:

1. Learn how to cross-stich a loving message from you.

2. Carve both of your initials into a piece of wood and send it to him.

3. Send him a pair of electric warming socks with a note saying that since you couldn't be there to warm his feet, you are sending these in your place.

4. Print a message in the personals section of the newspaper.  Call him the morning it runs.

             I'm sorry, I'm sorry - I'm trying to hold my commentary, but I really have to interject on this one.  What are you supposed to put in the personals??  Isn't that where people write to get a date?  Like, what people did before online dating?  How on earth is that supposed to help your marriage?!  I don't get this one at all.  Okay, sorry for interrupting.  Back to the list.

5. Send a poster of his favorite national park.

6. Make an exercise video starring yourself so that he can exercise with you.

7. See who can grow the most tomatoes on an individual tomato plant while he's gone.

             It's at this point that I really lost all hope in the helpfulness of this book...lol.

8. Send him a jar of his favorite jelly or jam preserves.

9. Have a personalized rubber stamp made for him.

10.  Buy him a tabletop water fountain.

11.  Have a street sign made for him with his name on it.

              I'm serious, people.  These are all straight from the book.  I couldn't make these up if I tried.

12. Send him both of your baby pictures framed together.

13. Choose identical pairs of socks and send a pair to him.  Choose a day when you will both wear the socks.

14. Send him a heart shaped kite to fly next time it's windy.

15. Take a virtual tour of the White House together.

16. Call each other on cell phones while swinging on swing sets.

17. Climb a tree and write a letter to him while up in the tree.

18. Write a letter together to the President of the United States or another political leader.

19. Buy two bird feeders, and send one to him.  Tell each other about the birds that visit.

20. Buy a copy of his favorite romance novel (time out - Christine here - WHY would Rex have a "favorite romance novel"??  Does that not sound incredibly weird to anyone else out there??  Okay, sorry.  I interrupted again.) Go through and cross out the names of the two lead characters and replace them with your names.  Gift-wrap the book and send it to him.


So there you have it - my top twenty.  Rex happens to be studying right now so he's signed in to gchat but we aren't really chatting.  I just messaged him and said, "Hey, here's a thought - would you like to go on a virtual tour of the White House together?"  After an extremely long pause, I am happy to report that Rex responded in an entirely appropriate fashion:  "??????"  Ha ha.  Where did people come up with these things??

Another really funny part of this book was that all of the illustrations showed happy couples doing things together like eating breakfast in bed, going fishing, etc.  Pretty much everything that a long distance couple can't do.  Why would they have those as the illustrations?  It's taunting us long-distancers!  Like, "We're going to eat this yummy breakfast and then go fishing together...you just go ahead and have fun growing your tomato plant."  Rude book.

It was a pretty good read anyway.  It made me smile at least, and I hope it made you smile too.  :-)