Have you ever seen the movie Stepford Wives? It's about this couple who moves to a new town and all of the women are perfect. They are all gorgeous, they cook and clean, they do whatever their husbands want, and they do it all with style and a smile. They're so perfect that it's creepy.
Well...that's how I've felt during these first few weeks of school. I think I'm teaching the Stepford Children.
I'm teaching at a new school this year, and so far it's great. I'm not complaining about the kids being so good; it's just that it kind of creeps me out. Like, I kind of hear the Twilight Zone theme song playing in the back of my head when I show up to work in the morning. They're that good. Don't believe me? Check this out:
1. I teach junior high, so I have different classes during different hours of the day. Unfortunately I was detained in the hall before third hour one day, so I got to one of my classes a few minutes late. I walked into my classroom, and literally every single student had pulled out a book and was reading silently, awaiting my arrival. WHAT?! At any other school in America there would have been mayhem: paper airplanes flying, girls gossiping in corners, boys swinging from the lights, you get the idea. Not my kids, though. When they get unsupervised free-time they just READ.
2. We had our beginning of the year assembly during the first week of school, and the teachers told their kids to "walk silently into the gym and take your seats." That's normal. Every teacher says that. What's not normal, however, is what followed: the kids actually did it. They walked silently in and sat there - SILENTLY - waiting for the assembly to begin. Even the kindergarteners. Do you know what it's like to be in a gym full of children and have none of them talking?! I do. It's CREEPY. Kids don't do that, ever. It's not natural.
3. My teacher friends know that if kids are crazy when walking down the hall, the teacher will sometimes call them back and make them start again. Well, I looked out of my classroom and saw the kindergarteners walking down the hall. They were absolutely quiet and had their hands to themselves - two things that I've never seen kindergarteners do. Imagine my shock, then, when the teacher said, "Okay guys, we're going to have to go back and try this again..." Want to know why they had to go back? DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?! The SPACING was wrong between the kids. The kindergarten students had not evenly spaced themselves while walking down the hall. THAT was the issue with their line. I can't handle this.
4. I tried to start a project with my kids, and they all just sat there and worked quietly. Silence freaks me out, so I said, "You know, you guys can talk during work time...it's okay as long as you're still working..." They looked at me as if I was speaking Swedish. Then they went back to silently working. I shrugged and tried to go around the room making myself useful. Finally a girl whispered quietly to the girl next to her and then quickly looked up at me like I was going to yell at her for talking (which, obviously, I did not). Do these kids not know how to have fun?? I've gotten them to loosen up a little bit since then, but holy cow. They're so painfully academic.
5. Want to know what my kids do in their free time? Hmmmm? THEY READ. That's seriously all they do. Well, some of them hunt. They hunt and read. Not a single family in my school owns a television (true story), and every single child is from a two-parent household. After school they go home, exercise outside, spend time with their family, and then read. It's pretty much every teacher's dream. It was (is?) mine too, I guess, but the dream just turned out a little creepier than I imagined.
Classroom management is a strength of mine, and I have no need for it at my new school. I feel like Superman without any superpowers. It's strange. It's definitely an adjustment. I don't think I'm serious enough or disciplined enough for that school yet, but I'm working on it. I never thought my biggest challenge would be getting kids to have fun, but alas. Every year is different. We'll see how this goes. I don't dare complain for fear I'll break the Stepford spell.
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