Why I Was Late For Work Today

Why I was late to work this morning (or, in other words, the letter I didn't actually send to my boss).

 

Dear Boss,

 

I'm very sorry that I was late to work this morning.  I didn't mean to be.  Really, though, it wasn't my fault.  You see, I've been living in Nevada for the past few years.  We don't believe in snow there.  When it snowed last night, that put my whole world into a tailspin.

 

I woke up this morning, looked out the window, and freaked out.  SNOW?!?!?!  The magical powder that had been reduced to a distant memory was now suddenly in my life again?!  I couldn't decide how I felt about it.  Happy?  Sad?  Angry?  Excited?  I needed to call a therapist to sort out all of these emotions.  Unfortunately, it was 6:30 AM, so I had to soldier on alone.

 

I decided to proceed with my morning routine as usual.  Things were pretty normal when I was in my house, but when I took the dog out for a walk...well...things didn't go as usual.  Elvis has never seen snow, you see, so he completely freaked out and wouldn't go to the bathroom.  His tail was between his legs, his hair was raised his back, and his legs were spread out in all directions as far as they would go, as if somehow he could avoid the snow if he just stretched out enough.  He kept sniffing the snow and then jumping back as if it bit him.  I think the coldness surprised him.  Do you have a dog, Boss?  Have you ever taken him out and he wouldn't go to the bathroom?  You can't just take him back inside and LEAVE him there in his cage all day.  His bladder will explode!  He'll call PETA and they'll take you to animal cruelty jail!  I couldn't do that.  It would be too horrible (I thought).

 

But then...after standing in the snow for ten minutes waiting for Elvis to go, I decided to just leave him in his kennel.  PETA might call, but I was cold and he was really freaked out by the snow.  He was about to go into a full-blown canine panic attack, I could tell.  It's more cruel to torture him with fear than to make him have to hold his pee, right?  Right.  Which brings me to my next point - I need to leave at lunch to let the dog out.  I hope that's okay.

 

So anyway, I finished bringing Elvis inside, then I got my things together and got into my car.  Unfortunately, there was ice on the windshield.  Now, I remember back in my childhood my parents had a tool called an "ice scraper" that would scrape ice off of the car.  Since my car has been in the desert for the past few years, I have no ice scraper.  I looked all around the car and in my purse for tools, and the only thing I came up with was a credit card. 

 

I sighed and decided to use my credit card to wipe the ice off of my windshield.  I tried to get out of my car but discovered I was stuck.  The driver's side door handle is broken, so I have to roll down the window to open the door from the outside.  When I went to roll down the window, I discovered that the window was frozen in the "up" position.  Fabulous.  So I was trapped in my ice cave of a car.

 

I made my great escape by climbing into the back seat and opening that door.  Then I went to the front and executed my (largely unsuccessful) credit card ice scraper plan.  I'm pretty sure I got some ice shards in my fingernails, but hey - anything to get to work!  Aren't I dedicated?!

 

I toiled restlessly until I had cleared off enough ice to drive to school, but alas - I was late.  A thousand apologies.  It won't happen again.

 

Until it snows again.

 

Then I make no promises.

 

Your loyal employee,

Christine