Operation Sushi (or "How I'm Going To Lose Ten Pounds in Two Weeks")

If all goes well, sixty-nine days from this moment I will be on a plane to Tokyo, Japan.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I say "if all goes well" because it seems too good to be true, and I'm still waiting for this to somehow not work out.

On my spring break trip to North Carolina, I spent a lot of time researching Japan and Japanese culture since I know essentially nothing about it.  I didn't want to create an international incident by bowing wrong or blinking too fast or something.  International relations can be tricky.  One thing that freaks me out is the fact that they eat fish with every meal (I HATE FISH), and that it is considered rude to not finish all of the food on your plate.

I'm in trouble.

I read somewhere that if you eat something twenty times, your palate can adjust to new flavors.  Something that once seemed repulsive can seem tolerable or perhaps even good.  So I have sixty-nine days to convince myself to like fish, especially sushi.  Apparently they eat a ridiculous amount of sushi.

Now, for someone who already hates all types of seafood, sushi seems like an awfully big leap.  I don't like cooked fish, but now I'm supposed to eat raw fish wrapped in seaweed?  Are you kidding me?  That doesn't sound like real food.  That sounds like something on an episode of Fear Factor.

Today was try #1 of 20 on Operation Sushi.  We were at the Brody Hall cafeteria at Michigan State visiting Rex's brother, and they have a sushi bar there.  I figured that free sushi was a good time to try it.  Jake recommended California rolls because they have avocado in them.  Jake and I have a mutual love of avocados, so he was definitely speaking my language.  I was a bit nervous because "California" rolls sound decidedly more American than Japanese, but I figured it was worth a try.  Maybe this could be my gateway sushi on my way to more hard-core sushis. (What is the plural of "sushi"?  Sushis? Sushies? Sushii?)

The man in front of me in line at the sushi bar was Japanese.  He looked Japanese, and his accent was so thick that the girl at the sushi bar could hardly understand him.  I think he was using the correct Japanese terms for things, but she didn't get it so he ended up pointing to a lot of the ingredients.  When he finished ordering I wanted to say, "Wait, sir!  TEACH ME HOW TO SUSHI!" but he scurried away before I got the chance.  I was on my own.  Here's basically how my interaction at the sushi bar went down:

Me: Ummm...could I have...um...a California roll please?
Caf Chick: Sure. (reaches in and grabs a plate with three rolls on it)
Me: Wait, could I have the plate with two rolls?  I'm not actually that hungry... (Oh, and I also really don't want to eat this.  But I kept that part in my head).
Caf Chick: Sure.  What kind of sauce do you want?
Me: (panicking because I didn't know there were sauce choices involved) Ummm...what kind of sauces do you have?
Caf Chick: (points at the sign with their sauce choices, irritated)

*Side note* There was EEL SAUCE as a choice, but I'm not that brave yet.  I'm still on gateway sushi.

Me: I guess I'll have that brown one.
Caf Chick: Soy sauce?
Me: Sure. (At least I've heard of that)
Caf Chick: Anything else?
Me: What's that green stuff?
Caf Chick: Seaweed salad.
Me: (gulp) I guess I'd better try some of that.
Caf Chick: Okay, here you go... (starts to hand me the plate)
Me: Wait!  What's that other green stuff? (I was hoping it was avocado spread)
Caf Chick: Wasabi.
Me: Okay I'll have some of that too. (Because it looked like avocado, so maybe it tasted like avocado, right?)

I took my plate back to the table and sat down.  I stared at the sushi in front of me, unsure of what to do next.  Jake told me to put some wasabi onto the roll, dip it into the soy sauce, and then put the whole thing in my mouth.

What?!  Put the whole roll in my mouth?  That was so not happening.  Sushi rolls are huge and also gross.  We're going to do baby steps here and take things one bite at a time.  I decided to start with a small amount of wasabi, but apparently my definition of "small amount" was still ridiculous.  "Whoa!" said Jake. "That's way too much wasabi.  You want a lot less than that."  Okay, sushi pro, we'll do this your way.  I begrudgingly took off some of the wasabi.  I had been hoping it would drown out the taste of the fish by the yummy taste of avocado mixed with hummus (because this is what wasabi looks like).  I dipped the roll into the soy sauce and took a tentative bite.  Then I instantly learned a few different things:

1. Jake was right - you have to eat the whole thing at once or it falls apart and gets rice everywhere and you look ridiculous.

2. Wasabi does not taste ANYTHING like avocado or hummus.

3. I hate sushi.

4. I'm not good at pretending something is delicious when it's actually disgusting.

This is going to be a problem for me.  If some nice little Japanese woman gives me her homemade sushi that she probably took forever to make, and then I make a gagging face and look like I want to puke, she's going to feel sad and then her husband will be mad that I insulted his wife and he'll start drumming up all sorts of anti-Amiercan publicity that we've been trying so hard to fight since World War II.  "Stupid Americans!" he'll say.  "They don't even appreciate our food or our customs! They are so rude!  They would rather have their fattening french fries than my wife's prize-winning sushi!"

Yes sir, I would rather have the fries.  Could you point me toward the nearest McDonalds's?

Anyway, I've got a long way to go before I leave for Japan. I think I should go ahead and give up right now on actually liking sushi or seaweed or any other of their crazy foods, but I should at least be able to eat their food without grimacing and wincing like I'm in physical pain.  I'm probably going to lose a ton of weight while I'm there because their portion sizes are already small, and I'm going to eat the absolute smallest socially acceptable portion sizes.  I should market this when I get home: "The Disgustor Diet!  Eat only foods you hate, and you'll lose a ton of weight!"

Side note: I'm a little bummed because "I've never tried sushi" was always a surefire winner in the game "Never Have I Ever."  Now I'm going to have to come up with something else I've never done that everyone else has.

I think I'm going to pack a lot of granola bars.  I can live off of those for two weeks, right?