Spring Break is Over

Spring Break was long. I missed my kids. I bet you missed my stories about them, didn't you? Well, luckily Spring Break is over now, so my students are up to their old antics again. I will explain some of them for you here. As always, names have been changed.

1. I told my students that studies show people who THINK they will be smart and succeed actually have a better chance at succeeding (which is true). Sam piped up with, "If that's the case, then I say I am going to be smarter than Albert Einstein and the guy who invented Taco Bell PUT TOGETHER!" I love that his list of "two smartest people" includes Einstein and the founder of Taco Bell. What a dynamic duo.

2. In writing class, I had my students write character profiles of their main character for the adventure stories we are currently working on. We are working on character development. I said that I needed to approve the profiles before students were allowed to start writing their stories. One girl's profile described her main character as a "sexy seducer." WHAT?! What sixth grader writes about "sexy seducers"? I told her she had to make a new character.

3. George came up to me and said, "Mrs. Webb? Do I have any missing assignments?" I said that I didn't know, but I would go check the grade book. He leaned in conspiratorially and said, "Because, if I do...I just want you to know that I have three dollars. Maybe we could work something out." I'm poor, George, but I'm not that poor. Your bribe won't even buy me a Hot N Ready, so just go do your math.

4. Tara came up to ask me for advice about her boyfriend. She said, "Mrs. Webb, Jordan and I are thinking about holding hands. I just don't know if I'm ready." I took a big breath as if to express that this is a really serious issue, even if maybe I was just trying not to laugh. I looked at her, deadpan serious, and said, "You're right, Tara. This is a big issue. You don't want to do anything you're not ready for. Holding hands is a big step, and once you've gone that far, there's really no going back. So if you even feel a little bit like you're not ready, then don't do it. There's no harm in waiting! And if Jordan really respects you and cares about you, he'll be okay with waiting too." She said that was wise advice. I couldn't believe I really just had that conversation...especially about holding hands.

5. Speaking of holding hands, there is a couple in my class that does their fair share of that. We will call them "Max Grossman" and "Callie Smith." Every day Max writes on his hand "I *heart* Callie Smith" and Callie writes "I *heart* Max Grossman." Then, when they hold hands, the writing matches up. They rewrite it every day so that the writing is always fresh. Awwww...how cute. (*puke*) Also, in the news of Max and Callie, they had their first kiss at second recess...in front of a crowd. They spread it around school during the day, and trust me - news like that spreads faster than wildfire in middle school. "MAX AND CALLIE ARE GOING TO KISS AT SECOND RECESS!" They might as well have announced it over the PA system. So, sure enough, second recess rolled around, and Max and Callie kissed. Not being on recess duty that day, I missed it. But multiple students came in and tried to reenact it for me, which looks really hilarious if you try to watch someone try to reenact a kiss by themselves. Especially a French Kiss (which I am SURE was an exaggeration - sixth graders don't french! Right? RIGHT?!!?).

6. Actually, I'm not so sure about my sixth graders and their sexuality sometimes. I like to think they have no idea what they are talking about, but sometimes I wonder. After all, it IS a public school. Case in point: one girl ran up to me and said, "Mrs. Webb, did you hear?! Connor got to second base with Gina!" I, losing confidence in society, said, "Jenny, you're twelve. You don't even know what second base IS." She said, "Oh yes I do, Mrs. Webb. I know the SONG." Now this was news to me. The bases song? I didn't want to ask, but obviously curiosity got the best of me. "Jenny, WHAT is the 'bases song'?" I asked. She said, looking at me like I'm stupid, "You know, the song about the 'regions'!" *waves her hand over her body to indicate the "regions" to which she was referring* No. I have never heard this bases song about the "regions." I admit I went home and tried to search it on YouTube. No luck. If you know this song about the "regions," please let me know. I want to know what my kids are up to...I think. Or maybe I don't.

7. One day, my students came in from recess COMPLETELY wired. So much drama had gone down at recess that they were nowhere near being in the right mindset for learning. One guy had just finally "asked a girl out" and his friends were arguing over who would get to be his best man in the wedding. I was surprised to hear boys arguing about that. Then I heard the boyfriend mention that he was going to wear his Luigi hat at the wedding (like, Luigi from Super Mario Brothers), and I figured it sounded a little more like a guy conversation. Girls were all rallying around each other, gossiping about who hates who and who is together/breaking up, etc. No one was focused. Trying out a move I learned about in one of my MSU classes, I said "Class, please let me have your attention. I'm willing to make a deal with you. We'll spend the first ten minutes of Language Arts class discussing our issues as a communal group, but then you have to promise that we will get our feelings out during that time and be able to focus after that ten minute window. Deal?" They all readily agreed. Then I asked, "Who wants to share?" EVERYONE did. Somehow sixth graders all want to discuss their feelings. I won't write them all for you here, but here are a couple of highlights:

"My friend asked me to set her up with a boyfriend, but she already has a boyfriend so I don't know why she wants to be a two-timer. Also, when I was really little my cat died, and I think I still have some leftover feelings from that experience that I have to work through."

"I don't know what to do about my dog, because sometimes he hates me, but sometimes he loves me. And I mean REALLY loves me, if you know what I mean *humping motion in his chair* I think that's a little weird."

"I think my friend is a lesbian. How can you tell for sure if someone is a lesbian?"

"I just wanted you to know that Callie and Max kissed at second recess a while back, and I don't think that's inappropriate."

"I got into a car accident on the way to school on Tuesday, and no one was hurt or anything but I felt kind of grumpy. So if I was grouchy to anyone on Tuesday - I'm sorry."

They were so open with each other, and they had SO much to say. They all requested that we do this exercise again, because it felt so good to talk about their feelings. Honestly, I'm not sure I can handle it again. It was SO HARD not to laugh sometimes, and some questions just don't have answers that I can handle. Oh well. It was a fun experiment.

8. Billy told me that his fish ran away. I said that I felt very sorry for him. There's really not much more to say about that one.

9. While working on spelling, I was circulating around taking questions and helping students. Melissa raised her hand and said, "Christine? I have a question." I whirled around and exclaimed, "Say WHAT?! I don't think so, girlfriend. I am Mrs. Webb to you." She laughed sheepishly and said, "Okay. It's just that Henry told me that your real name is Christine and I didn't know if he was telling the truth or not."

10. My last day with my kids is next Friday. How sad! I am going to miss them like crazy - expect a teary emo blog about how I am so sad to be finished with this year. Until then, though, I will just keep telling you about the crazy things they do. The students have known all year that my last day is the last day in April. I mentioned it a while ago, saying "I am going to miss you all so much! I only have three weeks left with you!" Matt piped up with, "Don't worry, Mrs. Webb! We're throwing you a goodbye party!" The rest of the class simultaneously turned to glare at him and yelled, "MATT! SHUT UP!!!" This class is the WORST at throwing a surprise party EVER. One girl came up to me and said, "Mrs. Webb, if there was going to be a cake, like, somewhere, do you prefer chocolate or vanilla?" Another student came up and asked me what my favorite type of pop is - "for no reason in particular - I am just wondering." Two other students gave me a note that said, "Mrs. Webb, please list your top ten favorite songs. And don't ask way. REALLY - don't ask why." One girl found out that she is going to be absent on my last day, and she exclaimed, "No!! Mrs. Webb!! I'm going to miss your....day!" I am kind of looking forward to my party...but I think it will be super funny if there is no party and they are all making this up to fool me. I don't think they're that conniving and collaborative as a class, though, so I bet there is a party. I'll fill you in once I know.

I can't believe next week is my last week. This year has positively FLOWN by. I miss those kids already. You're going to have to read about Rex and I instead of my kids - how boring is THAT?? Well, until I start my next job. I have an interview with a school in Nevada on Tuesday - keep your fingers crossed! There could be a whole new batch of student stories headed your way!