How to Read a Magazine With Your Puppy

Step 1: Sit on the couch

The puppy will inevitably start bounding toward you. After a few unsuccessful attempts to jump up onto the couch (where he will probably bounce off the side of the couch), he will either finally make it or you will have pity on the poor guy and help him up.

Step 2: Open your magazine

The puppy will see that display as you saying "Here is a new toy for you!" and he will start chewing on it.

Step 3: Say, "NO, PUPPY!"

He will ignore you.

Step 4: Put him on the ground so you can read your magazine in peace.

He will inevitably go back to Step 1, and you will repeat steps 1 through 4 until you decide to move on to Step 5.

Step 5: Give up, and in exasperation exclaim, "Fine! We'll share!" Then rip out the page you were just reading and hand it to the puppy.

The puppy will happily munch on the page for juuuuuuust about long enough for you to finish the next page, then he will start jumping on you again.

Step 6: Give the puppy the next page.

Step 7: Repeat Steps 5 and 6 until your magazine is strewn about the living room. I hope you didn't want to re-read any of those articles...