Not Your Average Visit to Grandma's

Visiting grandparents can be a real treat.  I love my grandma.  If you have a grandma, you probably love her too.  Everyone loves grandmas!  It's not until I visit mine, however, that I remember how much my grandma is unlike most grandmas.  She's a little...outside the box.  Like, if "the box" is the size of a hopscotch square, my grandma is on the other side of the entire frickin' playground.

And she's fabulous.

Let me break this down for you in a few different categories:

Category 1: Arriving at Grandma's house

AVERAGE VISIT TO GRANDMA'S:  You drive across town, maybe a couple hours at most.  You show up at your grandma's house, and she answers the door with a "Hello, dearie!"  You see the thready couches in ridiculous patterns that were in style back when Grandma got married.  Perhaps she just made fresh cookies.

MY GRANDMA:  First of all, I fly to the southern tip of Florida.  Then I give the cab driver my grandma's address.  He looks surprised, and in his thick Latin American accent he says, "Your grandma - she live in a very nice place."  Cool.  Go Nana.  He drives me to her complex, and he has to stop at the guard house to see if I'm on the guest list (I am - phew!).  When I finally get to Nana's apartment, she gives me a hug and turns off the TV show she's been watching...in French.  I step into the pages of Vogue (if they made a Vogue for interior decorating, that is).  Everything is so...white.  The couches, the floors, the curtains, the lilies on either side of the couch, the desk, the desk chair I'm sitting in...it's all so clean.  I have no idea how she keeps it that clean.  I compliment her new crystal chandelier (because it's beautiful like whoa), and she says that it's Swarovski.  Of course it is.  She says she would have rather picked something more unique, though, because it's so common to have Swarovski chandeliers nowadays, isn't it?  I guess the fad hasn't hit my neighborhood.

Category 2: Dinner at Grandma's

AVERAGE VISIT TO GRANDMA'S:  You probably sit down to some homemade meal that is her "special recipe."  Perhaps it's been passed down from her grandma.  If she doesn't feel like cooking, maybe you order a pizza.

MY GRANDMA:  I get dressed up to go to dinner at the Yacht Club with some board members from NYC's Museum of Modern Art, and I freak out that I'm not going to remember what fork to use or how to butter my roll correctly or something.  Then I remember that my Grandma has been teaching me these manners since I was five, so I'm probably fine.  At dinner, one of the ladies says, "Did you hear about the first lady of Mexico?"  I think she's going to follow this up with some interesting news tidbit, and I take a sip of water,  Then I almost spit out the water when another lady says, "the president's wife?  I forgot...does she live in our building or the next one over?"  They aren't talking about news...they are talking about their neighbors!  Ahhh!  What is this world??  I feel like Jack when he ate with the first class passengers of the Titanic.

Category 3: Grandma's Clothes

AVERAGE VISIT TO GRANDMA'S: She's probably wearing a cotten crewneck sweatshirt with embroidered kittens on it.  Maybe something that says "Grandkids are gifts from the heart."  Also, she's wearing extreme mom jeans, because - after all - doesn't being a grandma make you an extreme mom?  If she ever gets rid of clothes, you think "You probably should have gotten rid of those decades ago."

MY GRANDMA: Soon after I arrive at my Grandma's house, she says, "I'm getting rid of some clothes...would you like to take a look at them before I do?"  I immediately think "YES!" because when my Nana gets rid of clothes, they are usually designer and fabulous.  I am not let down this time.  We shop in her walk-in closet, and I come out with three new pairs of shoes, shirts, pants, dresses, and jackets...all designer, many with tags still on (which is strange to me, but she says she orders things and then never gets around to taking them back.  Works for me).  I briefly look at a tag and worry about wearing a gold shimmery suit-like jacket that cost a couple hundred dollars - what if I spill on it or something?? How on earth would I wash it? - but then I remember that she was getting rid of it anyway, and I start dreaming of date locations where I can wear this jacket.  Rex, if you're reading this - can we start saving for a night at Zazios?  This jacket would look PHENOM at Zazios.

Category 4: Grandma's gifts

AVERAGE VISIT TO GRANDMA'S: Grandmas love to give gifts!  She probably gives you a plate of cookies, some cash in a birthday card, maybe an awesome trinket she found at a garage sale (that's what my grandkids would get if I was ever a grandma...I love garage sales).

MY GRANDMA:  We go shopping at Macy's to look for a dress I need for an upcoming wedding.  It has to be a floor-length gown, red-carpet style dress (if you knew my friend Carly, the bride, you would understand).  I try on a couple gowns, then get a bit distracted by some work-style dresses...then - oh look! - sundresses are on sale.  Nana offers to go put the dresses on hold with a worker until I can finish shopping and decide which ones I want.  Awersome, thanks Nana.  Then she comes back and says, "Actually, I just bought all of them.  It's easier that way.  They're being shipped to your house in Michigan."  WHAT?!?!?!  I try to insist that I don't need the whole pile of dresses, especially multiple EVENING GOWNS, but she says they are already purchased so I might as well stop whining about it.  Wow...ummm...thanks Nana.  Gulp.  Also, prior to this dress incident, she gifted me with some beautiful silk and lace lingerie.  Definitely not your average grandma gift.  She chose it and said, "I think Rex will probably like this."  I mean, yeah, probably, but for me to get that gift from my grandma???  What grandma thinks of that (and chooses something so beautiful)?  Mine, that's who.

Catergory 5: What have you been up to lately, Grandma?

AVERAGE VISIT TO GRANDMA'S:  Your grandma has probably been very busy lately.  She goes to her knitting club, maybe grabs lunch with some friends, or goes to doctor's appointments (no judgement, grandmas of the world...this is a begrudging hobby of mine as well).  She reads the obituaries every day to see who died recently (oops, wait, that habit was just Rex's grandma - haha!  It always made me laugh).

MY GRANDMA:  She shows me some pictures from her recent trip to England, where she stayed with the Duke and Duchess of Devonshire in their castle.  Nana's sister-in-law was donating a fantastic piece of art, so they were all there for the installation.  At first I think she might be exaggerating a little bit about this trip, but then I see the pictures and realize she's not.  I wonder what it would be like to meet a duchess.  Then I wonder if Nana can also knit.  I feel like all grandmas should knit, royalty or no royalty.  Note to self: ask her about this.

My grandma lives in a different world than me...one that includes guard houses, the first lady of Mexico, designer clothes, and put-it-all-on-my-card shopping sprees.  You know what, though?  At the heart of it all, she really is like other grandmas.  She's so proud of me no matter what I do, and she loves me with the rosy glasses that don't see my failures.  She loves to talk about "the good old days" and how today's youth is all messed up. She's a pleasant person.  There are not too many curmudgeonly grandmas out there, and mine is no exception.  She's so much fun!  I'm really blessed to have her in my life, and I'm so glad that I flew down for a visit.  I hope I'll be back soon.