Cougars. Rawr.

Our neighbors Kyle and Karl are getting married!! WHOO HOO!! Oh, and to clarify in case you were wondering: Kyle is a girl.

Anyway, Kyle and Karl's engagement party was on Saturday. It was a PILE of fun. They invited us to come out to the "Watershed," a small restaurant/bar down the street from our apartment complex. Rex and I were expecting a sort of "Main Street Pub" type atmosphere, where it is 80% restaurant and 20% creepy old men hanging out at the bar.

Nope. Not true. We showed up at this small, slightly run down building at the corner of Boonies and Nowhere, and we started planning how long we needed to stay at the party in order to be polite. We walked in, and we were blinded by literally thousands of orange Christmas lights (presumably up from Halloween) decorating every available wall space and every rafter. A dance floor was being run by a DJ in the corner who had disco lights set up to create a "clubby" atmosphere.

Despite the attempts at the "club" atmosphere, the average age of the patrons at that bar was probably hovering around 50. DO NOT, however, make the mistake of thinking that these people wanted to act like 50 year olds. They were all into the "club" thing, no doubt reliving their glory days of fraternity parties back when disco lights were the new-fangled thing.

Let me tell you, the party ended up being one of the funnest I have ever attended. People watching got funnier and funnier as the night wore on (and as these semi-centurions had more and more to drink). If you have never seen a fat bald man with a white beard moving his hips "like yeah" and throwing his hands in the air to Miley Cyrus's "Party in the USA," then trust me - you have not truly lived. Watching a woman who could be my mom grinding up against this man's protruding gut while trying to make sure her fake boobs stayed put in her too-tight shirt? Well, that just made it even better.

The ratio of women to men was about 6:1, so even the fat bald ones (which constituted 90% of them) got lots of action. Some of the women tried to dress all "hip," as if they had picked up a Seventeen magazine on the way to the bar and then swung by the mall to pick up everything that the cover girl was wearing. Other women dressed like they were in a time warp, with sweaters that were manufactured circa 1991, high-rise jeans, and lace up ankle boots (no joke). I'm sure that that outfit used to be sexy...no wait, I'm really not.

To all of my readers: PLEASE never let me become this. NEVER. It was hilarious to watch, but slightly terrifying at the same time. Where do these people COME from?! Then again, I can see myself frequenting this "bar" much more often now that I know of them, so I guess I hope they don't wise up and go do normal grown-up things anytime soon.