My Babies

I call my sixth graders "my babies," to which they always cry indignantly "We are not babies. We are TWELVE!" But I don't care if they are twelve. They are still my babies, and I love them like they are my own kids. You would love them too, if you saw all of these crazy things that they do. So here is my next batch of stories - names have been changed.

1. Today was the last day of school before Christmas break, and a few kids brought me Christmas presents. Some of them were REALLY nice! I feel very spoiled. Brian came up to me first thing in the morning, looking very sheepish, and said, "Mrs. Webb, I got you an apple for Christmas. The problem is that I got really hungry on the bus this morning, so I ate it. Can I just bring you one in January instead?" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

2. In math class, we have a few students who are missing assignments. One girl got her list of missing assignments, then came up and asked, "What page is the 'page 132' assignment on?" Seriously.

3. Did you ever see the show "Kids Say the Darndest Things"? Well, I used to think that show was hilarious. Little kids are so funny! I never knew that twelve year olds would have funny things to say too, but they CERTAINLY do. They ask TONS of questions, which is great for their learning (sometimes). Sometimes they just ask weird questions, though, which are incredibly difficult to answer tactfully. Here are some examples:
1. "What does 'baby got back' mean?"
2. "What is an example of 'stereotype'?" (try to think of a non-offensive
stereotype that you can share with a class of sixth graders. Go ahead. Try.)
3. "Mrs. Webb, you're married right? Do you and Mr. Webb smooch?"
(literally: they said "smooch.")

4. Sometimes I like to bring juice in my water bottle instead of water. One morning I brought in cranberry juice, and as I was drinking it Henry gasped, "Mrs. Webb, is that blood??" I said that yes, of course it is blood. I am a vampire - what did they expect? Ben said, "Whoa! I've never had a vampire teacher before! Are you going to eat me?" I said that no, I generally do not eat my students. Henry said, "What about me? I have very special blood." I said, "Is it spicy? I really like spicy blood..." to which Ben piped up, "WOW - I am SO glad that I am not Mexican right now."

5. Will offered Jen $100 to go to the movies with him - I am not kidding. She said no. That's probably for the best; I feel like getting paid to go on a date is a gateway into prostitution, and I really want Jen to do better in life than that.

6. While I was teaching, my peripheral vision saw something fly through the air. I saw who caught it, so I said, "MAX! Hand me whatever that is." He stood up, hands behind his back, and said, "I don't have anything! I swear!" He tried to shove something in his back pocket so that he could show me he didn't have anything in his hands, but the bouncy ball missed his back pocket and bounced across the room instead. I couldn't help laughing. "You SWEAR you don't have anything?" I confiscated the ball and added it to my ever expanding collection of sixth grade toys.

7. For my lesson on the reading comprehension strategy of prediction, I created a character called "The Great Webbini." I dressed up like a crazy fortune teller and videoed myself teaching the lesson (you can see the lesson at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yW5BkoHoYBg). Before I showed the video to my class, I said, "Okay guys - we are going to do something a little crazy today." Ron said, "OH NO! This is MRS. WEBB talking! If SHE says it's crazy, it's going to be REALLY CRAZY!" I'm glad I've got them on their toes.

8. "The Great Webbini" video was uploaded to YouTube so I could show it to my class, and they all said they were going to go home and show the video to their parents. I didn't believe them, but the video has gotten 70 hits within two days. Oh great - their parents are going to think I am nuts.

9. This morning there were - and I kid you not - green panties in the hall. I didn't have any idea what to do with that. So we put them in a fifth grade male teacher's mailbox with a note that says, "Are these yours? They look about your size..."

10. Gigi gasped during class and turned around in her seat. She screeched "I feel violated!" I asked her why and, equally panicky, she responded "The air is touching me!!!!!"

I am going to miss those kiddos for the next two weeks - I can't wait to see what stories I will come up with in 2011. Stay tuned.