Knitting Club

I am officially old. I felt old when I paid my first bills, when I graduated from college, and certainly when I got married. Still, I have never felt older than I did last night.

I went to a knitting club.

To be fair, I didn't WANT to go to the knitting club. My sister-in-law more or less dragged me to it. We had plans to go out for coffee after her little brother's basketball game, but her grandma invited us to her church knitting club and Michelle signed us up. She then INFORMED me that we were going to knitting club, and her grandma was all excited that we were going so I didn't really have a choice in the matter. Now, I was under the impression that there are certain prerequisites of joining a knitting club. Namely:

1. You must be over 65
2. You must have at least one grandchild
3. You must know how to knit

I was zero for three. Yet somehow I found myself on my way to knitting club.

When we arrived at the church, we walked into the nursery and found the knitting club: fifteen or twenty ladies who, at my best estimate, fit all of the three aforementioned prerequisites of being in a knitting club.

We began by going around the circle and "talking about ourselves," which turned out to be "share how many grandchildren/great-grandchildren you have." I informed everyone that I have no grandchildren, but I do have thirty children. I hastily explained my teaching situation, and the shocked/disgusted looks subsided.

After our intros, we started in on the knitting portion of the evening. We pretty much knitted for two hours straight, except for when Michelle and I took a break in the middle for cookies and coffee. Apparently the ladies have those snacks at all of their club meetings. I do not like coffee, but I did take a cookie. Here was my confusion: the cookie tasted like a chalk/sawdust mix with dirt clods instead of chocolate chips. I was in a ROOM FULL OF GRANDMAS. Aren't their cookies supposed to be delicious?!?! I guess this particular group spent all of their time learning how to knit and not enough time learning how to bake.

They SURE DID know how to knit, though!! Michelle's grandma was knitting a mitten and using FOUR knitting needles at the same time! I watched her do it, and I am still not sure how that is possible. SHE ONLY HAS TWO HANDS. The woman sitting on the other side of me was using circular knitting needles. (!) What are THOSE for? Who even THOUGHT of those?? Basically, these women were knitting masterminds. Michelle's attempt at teaching me how to knit a green potholder resulted in a sad tangle of yarn that sort of resembles astroturf. LOOK, GRANDMA! I MADE ASTROTURF!

I was very skeptical about attending this club at first, but it ended up being pretty fun. I might consider going back someday...but I am definitely bringing my own cookies.