Meeting New Friends

Everyone has told Rex and I that we need to branch out and make new friends in Las Vegas. To those of you that have told us this: WE ARE TRYING! We made two specific attempts to make friends today: we went to church and we went to the community pool. Let me unpack those experiences for you.

1. CHURCH.
"Well, we have rainbow mohawk guy and granny bun lady. This is going to be an interesting experience. I think I feel a blog coming on."
That was my quote as we walked into church this morning. I have literally never seen a more diverse group of people IN MY LIFE. The guy who parked next to us had a RAINBOW MOHAWK, there were a couple old grannies in wheelchairs and on oxygen, there was a Mexican Elvis impersonator, and a bald man with tatoos that made it look as if his head was being attacked by a dragon claw. Oh, and there was a woman with CLEARLY fake and HUGE boobs who was wearing the sparkliest shirt I have ever seen. I guess that's the group you get when you go to church in Vegas!
People aside (because, after all, they could be really cool people!), the church was interesting as well. Before we walked in, we were very confused because we saw all sorts of hot rod cars (ask Rex if you want to know what types, but he was highly impressed so I am guessing it was sufficiently fancy) in a CAR SHOW outside of the church building. I was very confused as to why there was a car show at church, but when we got inside I realized there was a "special event" day for Father's Day - Car Show and a barbeque. At church. COOL.
So we arrived inside, and we followed the signs to the "main auditorium." I think this was where I started to have serious doubts about this place (beginning doubts started with rainbow mohawk man). Auditorium? For church? Oh well... So we went into the auditorium, which I found out seats TEN THOUSAND PEOPLE. AND IT WAS FULL! That is a LOT of people! I settled into my chair in the dark auditorium, waiting with anticipation as if I was going to see a Broadway show. After all, there were enough people to make it feel that way.
Suddenly, with no warning, I was BLASTED out of my seat by a huge ROAR of rock and roll music. I was so startled, I turned to Rex and screamed, "HOW ARE THE GRANNIES ON OXYGEN TOLERATING THIS?!?! IT IS SO LOUD!!" He shouted back, "MAYBE THEY ARE HOPING THIS WILL FINISH THEM OFF SO THEY CAN GO MEET JESUS SOONER!" I still have NO clue why old people would be at this church. The music was so loud that it was hurting MY ears. Anyway, the worship was LOUD and ROCKIN. An usher walked down the aisle doing fist pumps. Oh yeah. I started dancing a little, and Rex looked at me like I was nuts. I figured, "WHATEVER! Everyone else is dancing, we don't know anyone here (yet), and this beat is too loud to stand still to!" So I embarrassed Rex a little. Too bad for him. After a few "church" rock and roll songs, we sat down to hear a "musical performance" by a man who sang "BORN TO BE WILD." In CHURCH. I'm sorry for my excessive use of capital letters in this post, but it was a capital letters kind of church. The thing was, though, that the singer was GOOD. As in, win American Idol good. He had such a good rock voice, and he was doing some awesome vocal runs... I actually liked his version better than the original, which NEVER happens.
So anyway, after the rock concert combo of worship/straight up rock and roll, the pastor guy got up to speak. He was really good! The reason we chose this church in the first place is because I read a book authored by this pastor that I thought was pretty good. So yeah, his message was good, but the church was crazy. Rex and I have discussed possibly going there on Saturday nights as a "concert date," and then going somewhere else for a Sunday morning service. I did inquire about small groups in that church, though, so we'll see if anything comes of that. I have submitted my request to join a group, so maybe that will be a good way to make friends. HEY - maybe "Born to be Wild" guy will be in our small group! Then when he's famous as a rock star, I can be like, "HEY! THAT GUY WAS IN MY SMALL GROUP! WOOT!!"

2. COMMUNITY POOL
When church was...erm...not exactly what we expected, we decided to go to the community pool at our apartment complex to hopefully meet some new friends who live near us. This was not as successful as we hoped. To be fair, there was a really cute Mexican family there for the first few minutes. They had a 17 month old daughter that kept running FULL SPEED from the pool to the hot tub and then back again. Her parents had to be watching, because she would never stop at the edge but just KEPT ON RUNNING right into the water (where she had faith that a parent would catch her). It was really cute and funny. But alas, a 17 month old was not exactly the type of friend I was looking for. So after they left, it was just Rex and I in the hot tub with this teenager guy whose name I forgot. We'll call him "Bubba," because he was really fat and I think "Bubba" is a good fat-guy name. I really can't document the whole conversation we had because I don't remember it all, but I will definitely give you a few highlights. I mean, he started the conversation with, "So do you guys smoke and drink and party and stuff?", so we knew this was headed in an interesting direction.

Bubba: So do you guys smoke and drink and party and stuff?
Us: No.
Bubba: WHY?!
Me: Well, I'm a teacher, so I could get fired for that.
Bubba: Really?!
Me: Well, smoking weed is illegal, so I would get my teaching license taken away. And can you imagine me getting crazy at a bar and then some kid's parent sees me? I'm supposed to set a good example for the middle schoolers, and that wouldn't really fall under "good example."
Bubba: That SUCKS, man!
Me: Well, I love my job and am not huge into partying anyway, so I think it's really okay.



Bubba: I quit smoking. I quit...*thinks* 20 days ago.
Rex: Good for you - it's the healthiest thing you can do for yourself.
Bubba: Yeah, I started last year when I was 15. I needed some stress relief, and I first thought that maybe I should start jogging or something. Then I thought, "Hey! I'm too fat for that! I guess I will start smoking instead."
Rex: Well that was...dumb.
Bubba: Yeah, looking back, that was stupid. That's why I'm quitting. I quit smoking weed too, because my mom really doesn't like it. But I'm not quitting alcohol for her - I mean, come on! One thing at a time!



Me: So...you're sixteen. How do you even get alcohol?
Bubba: Oh, I've been drinking since I was eight.
Rex and I in unison: EIGHT?!?!?!
Bubba: Yeah. Not like, crazy amounts or anything. I would just steal stuff out of my parents' liquor cabinet.
Me: Okay...
Bubba: But now I just go on beer runs with my friend. He's 18. So we go get beer together.
Me: Last time I checked, you're supposed to be 21...which neither of you are...so how do you get beer?
Bubba: (looking at me like I'm an idiot) We don't PAY for it!
Me: Oh. I guess I didn't consider that.
Bubba: The way I see it, I WOULD pay for the beer, but they aren't going to take my money because I'm not 21. So they are FORCING me to steal it. Plus, when you're as fat as me, it's really easy cuz I just wear a big coat and I can fit lots of booze in it. It would probably never work for you guys - you're too skinny.
Me: That's really okay.
Bubba: Yeah, my mom is all worried that I'm going to become an alcoholic because it runs in my family, but I'm just like "MOM - S*** HAPPENS! Some people become alcoholics! Maybe I will, maybe I won't. Who knows?"
Me: Uh...you do realize that you have some control over whether or not you become an alcoholic, right?
Bubba: Yeah...well...nah...

I could go on with this conversation, but I think you've gotten the basic flavor. So obviously Bubba's not going to be our new best friend either. WHERE ARE WE SUPPOSED TO FIND GOOD FRIENDS IN VEGAS?!?! Perhaps I will put an ad on Craigslist. Although...I'm sure that could produce some crazies as well. Which, you know, might make a good blog. So maybe I will do it anyway.