Day 53 of being married is also Day 6 of being sick and couch-ridden. I could complain about the perpetual pain and torturous boredom of being sick, but who wants to read about that? Instead, I will create a commentary about the stupidity of entertainment today. Here is a sampling of the television shows I have stumbled upon in my 12+ hours of TV per day:
1. Jerseylicious - This is a show about the drama that takes place between hairstylists in a New Jersey barbershop. No kidding - that is the entire show. It is about people fighting over whose make-up belongs to whom and which outfit looks the sluttiest. It is completely mindless. I can't believe a network bought that show.
2. Jonas L.A. - I have stayed pretty neutral on the Jonas Brothers thus far in life, feeling that their target audience was a demographic younger than me and that "Jonas fever" was not really relevant to my life. I have amended that opinion to be decidedly negative. Jonas L.A. is a show about the Jonas Brothers acting like the Jonas Brothers, but acting a fake life that is not really theirs. For example: Joe Jonas plays Joe Jonas, but he is dating some girl named Shanna and living in an orange house in LA while he tries to get a part in a movie (none of this is true in real life). Are you confused yet? Anyway, the show was ridiculous. The one episode I saw centered around the drama of one of the brothers fighting with his ex girlfriend over the fact that even though he is dog sitting for his female friend, that does not mean that they are in a serious, committed relationship. The other two brothers got into a fistfight over who is better at ping pong. The end.
3. Any "Jerry Springer" type show - There are actually a ton of them: Dr. Phil, Maury, etc. They are all the same: making idiots look even more idiotic by exploiting the fantastically weird situations that these people find themselves in. Yesterday's theme was "I am a lesbian, but one of you is my father's child!" Today's was, "You have to choose: Me or the Rooster!" Literally, the woman was mad that her lover spent more time with his pet rooster than with her. I have also seen a huge number of paternity tests revealed. One of my favorites was today. A woman had twins, and they were given a paternity test. The alleged father was also on the show. Maury revealed that he is, in fact the father of the first child!! The crowd went wild, and a lot of swearing and screaming occurred on stage. Then there was all of this drama built up - was he the father of the second twin too? Dear Maury: THEY ARE TWINS!!! THEY HAVE THE SAME FATHER! Somehow no one cared about this, and they build up a bunch of suspense for the second reveal. SHOCKINGLY, the man was the father of the second twin too. Who would have called that? Apparently no one on the show, because they all freaked out again.
4. The Bachelorette - I know lots of people would disagree with me on this, but I think this show is stupid. It creates a completely false base for a relationship to begin. In this particular season, the Bachelorette and her guys have been sent around the world in dates in different countries. When a relationship is founded on the fact that you are living high adventure, five star hotels, and an everyone-is-fighting-over-you lifestyle, it is going to be highly difficult to have a successful relationship once all of that glamour is gone. Of COURSE you are going to "fall in love" on this show...but the "love" is for the lifestyle the show affords you. Even though people may disagree with this idea, show statistics support my view: in twenty seasons of The Bachelor/The Bachelorette, only one couple is still together. Hence, this show isn't really about finding true love, since no one does. So why are people still watching it?
5. Whose Wedding is it Anyway - This show pits brides and grooms against each other to fight for parts of their wedding. In the episode I saw, the bride wanted a traditional "classy" wedding, and the groom wanted a Western style barbeque. They went through different challenges to see who would win the "venue," "decorations," "food," and "attire." I noticed the groom totally lost the "attire" challenge on purpose, which was a good move. If the bride couldn't wear a dress, I seriously doubt there would have been a wedding at all. The show was actually kind of entertaining, but the annoying part is that the bride and groom argued over everything! They said, "the only reason we came on this show is because we couldn't solve our wedding arguments in any other way." If one of them lost a challenge, the other one started bawling about how their "dreams are shattered." If this is the attitude toward the wedding, which is relatively insignificant in life, then good luck to them in marriage. It was just highly annoying.
6. Desperate Housewives - I don't have much to say about this show itself since I never watch it, but I did see one episode. One of the characters has a husband named Rex, which made me think, "Cool! She's just like me!" Um, no she is not. Rex suffered from high potassium issues, so his wife specifically added potassium to his diet on purpose because she didn't like him very much. Then, when he had a heart attack in the middle of the night and told her he needed to go to the ER, she said she couldn't take him to the hospital until she was properly dressed, had make-up on, and had the house cleaned. So Rex died. WHAT?! Perhaps due to my personal connection with this episode, I decided I hate this show.
7. Barney and Friends - I loved this show when I was a kid. I watched it today, though, and I decided it is highly creepy. It's totally unrealistic and a little weird. Imagine if your child came home from school and said, "Hi Mom! Today my teacher was a big purple dinosaur who kept telling me how much he loves me!" Perhaps I've watched one too many Jerry Springers, but I just feel like this is a "My dinosaur teacher sexually harasses me" law suit waiting to happen.
I will post more stupid shows as I find them. I still don't know if I have topped my sister's best one. She was sick with this same thing about a week and a half ago, and she tells me that she watched a three hour special on a ridiculously fat girl coping with her fatness. Cara said that she was expecting a story about how the girl lost weight and became healthy, but instead she just came to terms with being fat and ended the special by eating a Thanksgiving feast and then an entire pie. Awesome.
I hate TV. It is official. When I am well, I think I will never watch TV again. Well, except for maybe Phineas and Ferb. I have decided that show is really, really cool.
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