Bieber Fever

Please make it stop. Please. If I hear "I love Justin Bieber" one more time, I think I am going to crack. I might just have a neurological breakdown and tear through the streets with a chainsaw cutting the hair off of anyone who has a do remotely resembling the infamous "Bieber Bangs."

My sincerest hope is that many years from now, one of my little nieces or nephews will read this blog and say, "Aunt Christine, who is Justin Bieber?" Now THAT would be music to my ears.

As for now, though, we are faced with the grim reality that the hearts of my students have been stolen by a teenage popstar. I should have seen the craziness of today coming when this conversation ensued yesterday:

Student: "Mrs. Webb, can you make tomorrow a national holiday?"
Me: "Why?"
Student: *looks at me incredulously, upset that I don't already know* "IT'S JUSTIN BIEBER'S BIRTHDAY!"

Although I was flattered by the fact that she thought I had some sort of power over determining national holidays, I regretfully declined and went about my day. I did not take heed of her red flag on the madness that was going to happen in sixth grade on "the great" Justin Bieber's birthday.

I knew I was in for trouble when first thing in the morning one of my girls walked into the classroom with "I heart JB" written in big letters across her face. She was also wearing her 3D glasses that she got at the VIP showing of Never Say Never (The Justin Bieber movie, in case you aren't up on your tween pop culture).

She was followed by the rest of the class members. Many of the girls had similar writings on their faces. They also wrote all over their necks, arms, and anywhere else where it is appropriate to show skin. It was almost creepily cultish. I felt like saying "Justin requests a human sacrifice in honor of his birthday" just to see how many of them would volunteer. Some of the boys even started writing on themselves about how much they love JB. Bieber Fever is a true epidemic, and it has hit my class in full force.

Aside from the writings, they were also paying homage to their idol with Justin Bieber T-shirts, Justin Bieber bracelets, Justin Bieber necklaces, Justin Bieber elastic hair bands, and anything else that Bieber's marketing team could possibly sell with some form of "JB" on it.

Before I could even attempt to start class, the girls were engrossed in a competition with each other on who knew more about Bieber's birthday. "He is SEVENTEEN today!" "Obviously he's seventeen. Did you know he was born in Ontario?" "Did YOU know he was born at 2:56?" etc. etc.

As I circulated around the class throughout the day, notebooks were riddled with doodles about how much they love their hero and plans for their futures together. I felt like announcing, "You can't ALL be 'the future Mrs. Bieber'!" but I didn't want to ruin their hope in life.

During breaks, the halls were filled with students discussing their different celebrations for Justin's birthday. Numerous girls are throwing parties tonight in his honor. Still more are at least making a cake dedicated to him. One student asked a teacher, "Why aren't you wearing purple today?!" Baffled, the teacher asked why she should be wearing purple. APPARENTLY, purple is the official color of Justin Bieber. OBVIOUSLY we all should have been wearing purple today. My question is, why is his color purple? Justin - there are a lot of manlier colors you could have picked. Between the girly hair, the high voice, and the signature color purple, you are well on your way to joining a sorority.

My girls are nuts. Justin has a girlfriend (Selena Gomez of the Disney Channel, if you didn't know), but when this was mentioned to one of the delusionals, she just replied flippantly with "Oh yeah, he's cheating on me with Selena, but I'm okay with it." I sure hope she doesn't treat future relationships that way. Another girl sighed contentedly, saying "I just love how his skin is so soft and smooth." How does she know that, is what I'd like to know!

I was asked numerous times if we could stop class to sing "Happy Birthday" to the teen sensation. Seeing as we cannot sing loud enough for him to hear us in...wherever the heck he is today, I said no. I hate to be a party pooper, but if it's a party for Justin Bieber, then maybe I don't really mind.

I was very relieved when the day was over, but then I remembered that he is going to have another birthday next year. Oh baby, baby, baby...no!