My Life in Sixth Grade

More teacher stories...I keep thinking I should stop writing them because people will get bored, but let's be real - sixth graders are NEVER boring. Names have been changed as usual.

1. Polly told me that she no longer likes Matt. I asked why, and she said it's because her best friend Jenny started dating him. I offered my condolences, saying that must be hard to watch your best friend date the guy you like. She said, "Oh, I don't care. She liked him first anyway. I like someone new now." Clearly she was very invested.

2. After school at Drama Club, I went up to Jenny and jokingly said, "Oooh! I heard a rumor about you and Matt? True love?" Jenny said, "No, actually, I dumped him." I asked why, and honestly I can't type out word for word what she said, but I have to give you a basic idea on the story of her relationship. I will try to keep it as authentic as possible to what she said:
JENNY: Well, he asked me out during social studies. He passed me a really tiny note, which I knew was important because you always write the juicy embarrassing things on tiny notes. I opened it, and in REALLY tiny letters it said "Will you go out with me?" Well, I didn't know if I wanted to, like, date him, so I told him that I would give him my answer at second recess. But THEN I was thinking about it during class, and I got worried that he would get over me by second recess, so I changed and told him that I would give him my first answer by first recess. But as class kept going on, I started to worry that he actually might get over me by first recess because I don't know how much he likes me, so I should probably give him my answer now.
ME: Good idea.
JENNY: So I wrote on the back of the tiny note, "Sure, I guess." I added the "I guess" to look cool, like I didn't actually care that much.
ME: Smooth.
JENNY: I don't want him to think I'm too into him or anything. So then we were dating.
ME: So why didn't it work out?
JENNY: He didn't talk to me. He didn't even give me his number. What a weirdo!
ME: Did you ask him for his number?
JENNY: No! It's relationship common sense! You should give your girlfriend your number! I shouldn't have to ASK! So at second recess I told him it wasn't working out.

I tried explaining the theory that maybe he just didn't have a chance to give her his number yet and that if she asked him he would probably give it to her, but she didn't believe me. Alas. Apparently it wasn't meant to be.

3. Today one of my girls came to school with her hair dyed orange. Now, this is not "I was trying to dye my hair red and messed it up" orange. It is TRAFFIC CONE orange. Able to stop cars kind of orange. I have never been so close to believing that there are radioactive materials in hair dye. I think it might have been glowing. I am slightly afraid of it.

4. I'm sorry to write so much about relationships, but it's sixth grade - I deal with them a lot. During Language Arts we are currently working on research papers. We were having a work day where students could work, and I would walk around and help them independently if they needed help. Jasmine raised her hand, and I walked over. Please read the following conversation:
Me: How can I help?
Jasmine: (panicked) Mrs. Webb! I just got this note and I don't know what to do! (shows me the tiny note, which says, "Will you go out with me? From Mike).
Me: Well, do you like Mike?
Jasmine: I don't know! I don't even know if this note is from him!
Me: That's his handwriting.
Jasmine: You know his handwriting?
Me: I know all of your handwritings. I grade your papers every day.
Jasmine: Wow. Creeper.
Me: Back to the issue at hand. Do you want to date him or not?
Jasmine: I guess so...do you think he'll give me his number?
Me: I don't know. Why don't you write back and ask him?
Jasmine: You're TELLING me to write a note?!
Me: You're not going to get any work done when you're freaking out about this. Just figure out a solution and then get your work done.
Jasmine: Okay.

After I let her work out her drama, she actually ended up being really productive! So sometimes perhaps passing notes is actually okay, because I let her spend 2 minutes being unproductive in exchange for 38 minutes of productivity. Hmmmm...I will have to log this away in my brain for future reference.

5. Today Will brought in a PEZ dispenser in the shape of a reindeer. He referred to it as his pet named Jimmy. He was joking around about "Jimmy the Reindeer" with the other students all day. I was getting sick of it. At one point, Will asked if he could go to his locker to get a book. I said "Okay, you can go, but you need to leave Jimmy in your locker because he is too distracting." Will agreed and went to his locker. I went back to teaching. He walked in a minute later, while I was teaching the whole class, and said, "I tried to leave Jimmy in my backpack, but he cried because he was lonely so I had to bring him back here." I said, "Awww...that's so sad. Why don't you let me have a talk with him about it?" So Will handed Jimmy over and sat down. I held Jimmy up tenderly and then said "Oh Jimmy...WILL DOESN'T LOVE YOU ANY MORE!" and then slam dunked Jimmy into the trash can. The entire class (including Will) started cracking up. I'm not completely heartless though - I told Will he could rescue Jimmy from the trash can at the end of the day.

6. I don't remember exactly what was happening, but my kids were being goofy and suddenly I heard one of them say, "Hey - stop being so weird or Mrs. Webb will blog about you." (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) I panicked - had they stumbled upon my gossip page of their greatest shenanigans?! I nonchalantly asked, "What do you mean, I would blog about you?" The student said, "Remember back at the beginning of the school year, when you said we were such a funny class and you should make a blog about all of the funny things we do? Wouldn't that be funny if you actually did that?" *HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF* "Ha ha...yeah...that'd be really funny..." *Heart rate slowly starts returning to normal*

I love those kids. I LOVE THEM. I don't know how I am going to leave them in May. I don't even want to think about it. What will give this blog its life??