You're going to think I'm about five years old for writing this story in my blog, but you'll have to excuse me - it's only Rex and I and our little pets out here, so we have suddenly found ourselves very easily amused (and every little thing suddenly seems blog-worthy so that I have something to do).
Today, even though for the past five years I've told Rex that girls don't fart, I must have eaten some bad cereal or something. So a little bit of gas leaked out.
It was silent but smelly. Rex and I were playing with the dog on the couch when suddenly Rex tucked his nose in his shirt and exclaimed, "BLEH!!! CHRISTINE, WAS THAT YOU?!?!? NASTY!!!"
In haste to defend myself, I said, "No way! It was the puppy!" (This is one of the perks of having a puppy) Rex replied with, "There is no way that the dog could create that amount of stink. Look - even he's disgusted!!"
Sure enough, I looked at the pup and he had BURIED HIS NOSE UNDER HIS PAW. His eyes looked up at me reproachfully as if to say, "Really? Did you have to do that? I am a hound dog - I have a really good sense of smell, and this one is UNPLEASANT!" I tried telling him that it wasn't me, but then he just buried his nose under BOTH paws and looked like he was going to puke.
So I had to own up. I SO WISH I could post a picture of the disgusted puppy for you. It was hilarious. But alas, because my camera is out of batteries I have missed another Kodak moment.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Nevada Hates Michigan Teachers
I am SO EXCITED to start my new job as a middle school language arts teacher this fall.
There is just the TIIIIIINY detail of my having a Nevada teaching license, which is required for me to be eligible to do this job.
For those of you not in the field of Education, Michigan is one of the toughest states to get licensed in. Because of this, Michigan has "reciprocity" with 48 states (including Nevada), which means that a Michigan license should be easy to convert into a license for another state.
Well, that's what they TOLD me anyway. So far, I am not feeling the love from Nevada. I guess I can't really blame the state itself, but more a series of unfortunate events that has hindered my new licensure.
It all started when I went to the Nevada State Department of Education to get the forms I needed to fill out. Rex went with me - we put the Nevada State Department of Education's address in our GPS, and we were off to get my new license! WHOO HOO!
After driving around where the office was supposed to be for about twenty minutes, we were both understandably frustrated. I mean, it's the NEVADA DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION. You would think that would be an easy building to find! We wondered if it moved, and I checked the address again on my phone's internet browser. Nope, we definitely had the right place. So WHERE WAS IT? Finally we stopped at the UPS store close to where this alleged "department of education" was supposed to be. We walked in sheepishly, and Rex said to the man working, "I know this sounds really dumb, but do you know if the Nevada Department of Education is anywhere around here?" The man chuckled and said, "No problem. I get that all the time." He took us outside and pointed to a red building that was not marked at all. He said THAT was it. Rex and I had our doubts, but we thanked him and walked over to the building. When we got to the front, there was LITERALLY an 8.5 by 11 sheet of paper in the front window with the words "Nevada State Department of Education" written on it. Oh heavens. So we walked in, and our eyes were accosted by one of the most grandiose displays of oppulence that I have ever seen. Seriously. The ceilings were over twenty feet high, and a gold winding staircase led up to the second floor. Two GIANT (read: taller than me) lion statues guarded the marble floor of the lobby. A chandelier that was probably about six feet tall and had hundreds of lights on it floated from the ceiling in the center of the room. Rex and I looked at each other in shock - this building was BEAUTIFUL inside! He turned to me and said, "Do you think they just got so excited about decorating this lobby that they forgot to leave budget for a sign?" I suppose that's what happened. Because all they had was that 8.5 by 11 sheet of paper. Ha ha! What a weird place.
When we finally got to the right person, I was given the forms I needed to fill out. One of them included a fingerprinting card that I had to take to the local police station in order to be fingerprinted. (Side note: it costs $170 to be fingerprinted in Michigan. It costs $10 in Nevada. What's up with that?!)
So Rex and I went to the police station. Now THAT was an interesting experience. The fingerprinting lady checked my ID and then led me back to the fingerprinting station. It was this cool machine with a bright green scanner that SCANS your fingerprints and then prints them on the card. Cool! No inky fingers for me! Well, this lady was doing my fingerprints and jabbering on about how pretty the mountains are around here...
...when suddenly I woke up to Rex saying urgently "Christine!!! Are you okay?!?" and hearing the fingerprinting lady in the background calling 911 and freaking out. Oh...awesome. I sat up, confused, and asked Rex what happened (even though I was starting to figure it out). Apparently I blacked out in the middle of my fingerprinting and just fell over. So the lady called 911 and a TROOP of EMS guys came in to take care of me (even though I was already awake now and just highly embarrassed). Seriously - there were 5 or 6 burly men who barreled into the room to check on me. It almost seemed like a joke: "How many huge EMS reponders does it take to recussitate an already awake and just fine girl?" I was waiting for some kind of punch line, but nope. It wasn't a joke. They hooked me up to a bunch of heart probes, stuck some oxygen thingy in my nose, put a blood pressure cuff on my arm, and read a bunch of stuff off of their monitor that they brought with them. They asked if I had any medical history they should know about. I almost laughed out loud and told them to take a seat - that explanation would take a while. I pretty much summarized my medical history the best that I could within 15 seconds, and they looked at me as if I was delirious on top of whatever else was wrong with me. I could almost see their thoughts: "Panic attacks? Brain tumors? This girl is totally making crap up right now..." But they just smiled in the way you would smile at a ticking bomb and asked me if I would like to be transported to the hospital. I said no thank you, that I was fine. So they begrudgingly unhooked me from all of their little machines and packed up their bags. When they left, the very traumatized fingerprinting lady stammered, "Ummm...do you still want to finish your fingerprints?" Yes. I did. Seriously, after all of that trouble, I'd BETTER get them done! So she finished them as quickly as possibe and ushered me out of the door, giving me her own personal cran-grape juice and telling me to "feel better soon." And THAT, my friends, was the new most embarrassing experience of my life.
After all the trouble I went through to get fingerprinted, I figured that had BETTER be nice to me at the licensing department. After all, I had already spent 20 minutes trying to find their office and then getting an ambulance called on me in the police station.
We waited until the next day to go back to the licensing office (mostly because the fingerprinting lady wasn't the only one shaken up about the whole experience - I was kind of freaked out too). When we went back, I proudly presented my ENTIRE packet of crap that I had to round up: my Michigan license, my original transcripts from MSU, my orginal MTTC test scores, the forms they gave me, the fingerprinting cards, and a money order for $161 (geez Nevada - with prices like that you could AT LEAST buy a sign for your building!). The woman processed my paperwork and said, "Okay, looks like you have everything! You should get your new license in 10-16 weeks."
TEN TO SIXTEEN WEEKS?!?! HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO PRINT OUT A LICENSE!?? YOU ALREADY CHECKED THAT I HAVE ALL OF MY PIECES! BLAH! I was a little panicked - my new job is supposed to start August 15. What if I didn't get it in time (which, with 10-16 weeks, I most definitely would not)?!?! So this lady gave me a sketch little piece of paper saying that I have been approved for a license but just don't have it yet. It looks about as legit as their sign. It's a good thing my boss loves me, or this would never fly. Luckily, I went into the school today and she DOES love me, so everything is going to be okay. PHEW! I am never applying for another teaching license EVER AGAIN. Sorry Rex - we have to spend the rest of our lives in Michigan or Nevada. Those are your only two choices.
There is just the TIIIIIINY detail of my having a Nevada teaching license, which is required for me to be eligible to do this job.
For those of you not in the field of Education, Michigan is one of the toughest states to get licensed in. Because of this, Michigan has "reciprocity" with 48 states (including Nevada), which means that a Michigan license should be easy to convert into a license for another state.
Well, that's what they TOLD me anyway. So far, I am not feeling the love from Nevada. I guess I can't really blame the state itself, but more a series of unfortunate events that has hindered my new licensure.
It all started when I went to the Nevada State Department of Education to get the forms I needed to fill out. Rex went with me - we put the Nevada State Department of Education's address in our GPS, and we were off to get my new license! WHOO HOO!
After driving around where the office was supposed to be for about twenty minutes, we were both understandably frustrated. I mean, it's the NEVADA DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION. You would think that would be an easy building to find! We wondered if it moved, and I checked the address again on my phone's internet browser. Nope, we definitely had the right place. So WHERE WAS IT? Finally we stopped at the UPS store close to where this alleged "department of education" was supposed to be. We walked in sheepishly, and Rex said to the man working, "I know this sounds really dumb, but do you know if the Nevada Department of Education is anywhere around here?" The man chuckled and said, "No problem. I get that all the time." He took us outside and pointed to a red building that was not marked at all. He said THAT was it. Rex and I had our doubts, but we thanked him and walked over to the building. When we got to the front, there was LITERALLY an 8.5 by 11 sheet of paper in the front window with the words "Nevada State Department of Education" written on it. Oh heavens. So we walked in, and our eyes were accosted by one of the most grandiose displays of oppulence that I have ever seen. Seriously. The ceilings were over twenty feet high, and a gold winding staircase led up to the second floor. Two GIANT (read: taller than me) lion statues guarded the marble floor of the lobby. A chandelier that was probably about six feet tall and had hundreds of lights on it floated from the ceiling in the center of the room. Rex and I looked at each other in shock - this building was BEAUTIFUL inside! He turned to me and said, "Do you think they just got so excited about decorating this lobby that they forgot to leave budget for a sign?" I suppose that's what happened. Because all they had was that 8.5 by 11 sheet of paper. Ha ha! What a weird place.
When we finally got to the right person, I was given the forms I needed to fill out. One of them included a fingerprinting card that I had to take to the local police station in order to be fingerprinted. (Side note: it costs $170 to be fingerprinted in Michigan. It costs $10 in Nevada. What's up with that?!)
So Rex and I went to the police station. Now THAT was an interesting experience. The fingerprinting lady checked my ID and then led me back to the fingerprinting station. It was this cool machine with a bright green scanner that SCANS your fingerprints and then prints them on the card. Cool! No inky fingers for me! Well, this lady was doing my fingerprints and jabbering on about how pretty the mountains are around here...
...when suddenly I woke up to Rex saying urgently "Christine!!! Are you okay?!?" and hearing the fingerprinting lady in the background calling 911 and freaking out. Oh...awesome. I sat up, confused, and asked Rex what happened (even though I was starting to figure it out). Apparently I blacked out in the middle of my fingerprinting and just fell over. So the lady called 911 and a TROOP of EMS guys came in to take care of me (even though I was already awake now and just highly embarrassed). Seriously - there were 5 or 6 burly men who barreled into the room to check on me. It almost seemed like a joke: "How many huge EMS reponders does it take to recussitate an already awake and just fine girl?" I was waiting for some kind of punch line, but nope. It wasn't a joke. They hooked me up to a bunch of heart probes, stuck some oxygen thingy in my nose, put a blood pressure cuff on my arm, and read a bunch of stuff off of their monitor that they brought with them. They asked if I had any medical history they should know about. I almost laughed out loud and told them to take a seat - that explanation would take a while. I pretty much summarized my medical history the best that I could within 15 seconds, and they looked at me as if I was delirious on top of whatever else was wrong with me. I could almost see their thoughts: "Panic attacks? Brain tumors? This girl is totally making crap up right now..." But they just smiled in the way you would smile at a ticking bomb and asked me if I would like to be transported to the hospital. I said no thank you, that I was fine. So they begrudgingly unhooked me from all of their little machines and packed up their bags. When they left, the very traumatized fingerprinting lady stammered, "Ummm...do you still want to finish your fingerprints?" Yes. I did. Seriously, after all of that trouble, I'd BETTER get them done! So she finished them as quickly as possibe and ushered me out of the door, giving me her own personal cran-grape juice and telling me to "feel better soon." And THAT, my friends, was the new most embarrassing experience of my life.
After all the trouble I went through to get fingerprinted, I figured that had BETTER be nice to me at the licensing department. After all, I had already spent 20 minutes trying to find their office and then getting an ambulance called on me in the police station.
We waited until the next day to go back to the licensing office (mostly because the fingerprinting lady wasn't the only one shaken up about the whole experience - I was kind of freaked out too). When we went back, I proudly presented my ENTIRE packet of crap that I had to round up: my Michigan license, my original transcripts from MSU, my orginal MTTC test scores, the forms they gave me, the fingerprinting cards, and a money order for $161 (geez Nevada - with prices like that you could AT LEAST buy a sign for your building!). The woman processed my paperwork and said, "Okay, looks like you have everything! You should get your new license in 10-16 weeks."
TEN TO SIXTEEN WEEKS?!?! HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO PRINT OUT A LICENSE!?? YOU ALREADY CHECKED THAT I HAVE ALL OF MY PIECES! BLAH! I was a little panicked - my new job is supposed to start August 15. What if I didn't get it in time (which, with 10-16 weeks, I most definitely would not)?!?! So this lady gave me a sketch little piece of paper saying that I have been approved for a license but just don't have it yet. It looks about as legit as their sign. It's a good thing my boss loves me, or this would never fly. Luckily, I went into the school today and she DOES love me, so everything is going to be okay. PHEW! I am never applying for another teaching license EVER AGAIN. Sorry Rex - we have to spend the rest of our lives in Michigan or Nevada. Those are your only two choices.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Confession: I am not a dog trainer
Rex is great with dogs. He has had dogs for his entire life, so he's had a lot of practice. Still, there's just something about him that dogs LOVE. They've always loved him, and he loves them back.
I've been trying to catch up and be as good with our puppy as he is, but it seems I have a long way to go. Our puppy is ADORABLE, but his latest annoying habit has been that he is treating Rex and I like his personal chew toys/scratching posts. By the scratches and nicks on my arms and legs, I think it would be easy to convince people that we adopted a baby lion rather than a puppy.
Rex was trying to teach me how to train the dog to not do this. He told me, "First you say 'no' in a firm voice and hold his mouth. Then, if that doesn't work, make a small bark at him. He will recognize that as a pain noise and back off. He's not trying to hurt; he's just trying to play. If he knows he's hurting you then he will stop."
Good advice, Rex. Good advice. I watched him do it once, and it seemed really effective and easy. WHOO HOO! I CAN DO THIS!
So then the dog turned to me, and I was ready for my big chance. I was going to show Rex that I am an AWESOME dog trainer, just like him. The puppy ran up and started playing with me, and when he started gnawing on my arm I said "No." The problem is, the puppy is SO CUTE that I said "no" in a very not-firm, happy voice. If you say "no" while giggling and smiling, it's not going to be very effective. Just ask any pregnant teenager.
So the puppy thought I was happy and having fun (which, in reality, I was). So he started chewing harder. Then it actually started to hurt, but I was still laughing because the pup is so cute. So my command came out, "Ha ha! Stop it! Eeek!! Dog! Stop biting me! Ha ha! AAAAAAH! Bark!"
Rex started cracking up. "Bark?! BARK?!!! What is that supposed to do?!" I sat up indignantly and held the dog at arm's length so he couldn't chew on me any more. "You TOLD me to make a barking noise so he would know he was hurting me!" Rex was still laughing. "You can't just say, 'bark.' That doesn't sound like a dog AT ALL. That's like saying 'woof' or 'bow wow.' The dog isn't going to recognize that as a 'dog sound.' You have to actually SOUND like a DOG."
Okay REX, mister DOG TRAINER. I was prepared to give it another try. So I started playing with the puppy again. Sure enough, after a couple of minutes he started biting my arm. I came up with the most growly, "ow I am hurting" dog noise that I could: "rRrRrRrRrRrRrRrRuuuuup!" The puppy stood back, startled.
"REX I DID IT!! WHOO HOO I MADE A DOG NOISE AND HE STOPPED!! HA HA I WIN!!!" The puppy took in my happy face and joyous noises, and of course he took that to mean, "Hooray! She is happy with me!" So he started running around excitedly and then started chewing on me again, his puppy eyes looking up at me as if to say, "See? I know this makes you happy with me!"
Crap. I give up. Rex can train the dog.
I've been trying to catch up and be as good with our puppy as he is, but it seems I have a long way to go. Our puppy is ADORABLE, but his latest annoying habit has been that he is treating Rex and I like his personal chew toys/scratching posts. By the scratches and nicks on my arms and legs, I think it would be easy to convince people that we adopted a baby lion rather than a puppy.
Rex was trying to teach me how to train the dog to not do this. He told me, "First you say 'no' in a firm voice and hold his mouth. Then, if that doesn't work, make a small bark at him. He will recognize that as a pain noise and back off. He's not trying to hurt; he's just trying to play. If he knows he's hurting you then he will stop."
Good advice, Rex. Good advice. I watched him do it once, and it seemed really effective and easy. WHOO HOO! I CAN DO THIS!
So then the dog turned to me, and I was ready for my big chance. I was going to show Rex that I am an AWESOME dog trainer, just like him. The puppy ran up and started playing with me, and when he started gnawing on my arm I said "No." The problem is, the puppy is SO CUTE that I said "no" in a very not-firm, happy voice. If you say "no" while giggling and smiling, it's not going to be very effective. Just ask any pregnant teenager.
So the puppy thought I was happy and having fun (which, in reality, I was). So he started chewing harder. Then it actually started to hurt, but I was still laughing because the pup is so cute. So my command came out, "Ha ha! Stop it! Eeek!! Dog! Stop biting me! Ha ha! AAAAAAH! Bark!"
Rex started cracking up. "Bark?! BARK?!!! What is that supposed to do?!" I sat up indignantly and held the dog at arm's length so he couldn't chew on me any more. "You TOLD me to make a barking noise so he would know he was hurting me!" Rex was still laughing. "You can't just say, 'bark.' That doesn't sound like a dog AT ALL. That's like saying 'woof' or 'bow wow.' The dog isn't going to recognize that as a 'dog sound.' You have to actually SOUND like a DOG."
Okay REX, mister DOG TRAINER. I was prepared to give it another try. So I started playing with the puppy again. Sure enough, after a couple of minutes he started biting my arm. I came up with the most growly, "ow I am hurting" dog noise that I could: "rRrRrRrRrRrRrRrRuuuuup!" The puppy stood back, startled.
"REX I DID IT!! WHOO HOO I MADE A DOG NOISE AND HE STOPPED!! HA HA I WIN!!!" The puppy took in my happy face and joyous noises, and of course he took that to mean, "Hooray! She is happy with me!" So he started running around excitedly and then started chewing on me again, his puppy eyes looking up at me as if to say, "See? I know this makes you happy with me!"
Crap. I give up. Rex can train the dog.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
My Dog is not a Tamagotchi
Remember Tamagotchis? Nano-pets? Giga-pets? All those little virtual animals that used to hang in egg-shaped key-chains off of the "cool kids'" backpacks when we were in elementary school?
Or, if you weren't cool enough to have a portable virtual pet, did you ever play the game "DOGZ" online where you got to "adopt" your own dog and care for it?
Well, I did both. And, as a child, I felt that all of that practice was leading up to this day: a day when I FINALLY have my own REAL LIVE DOG. But I am discovering that there are many things about having a real dog that a pixelated pooch just will not prepare you for.
1. A virtual dog never ACTUALLY pooped or peed. The waste just sort of evaporated into the background. Why can't that happen on my pee-stained socks or my poopy-smelling fingers?! (I just finished cleaning up a pile). I would really like the waste to evaporate into cyberspace, if we can somehow program our dog to do that.
2. A virtual dog never chewed up your stuff. He stayed neatly tucked in your backpack keychain (or on your computer). He never chewed up your wedding albums (BOTH of them), chewed up your couch, or attempted to rip up the new curtains you were making BY HAND to go in the new bedroom.
3. A virtual dog never had cool personality quirks. For example, my REAL dog won't eat his food anywhere except on carpet. We have his food dish in the kitchen. He will fill his mouth with food, walk over to the carpet, drop the food on the carpet, AND THEN eat it. He never drops the food in the kitchen on linoleum. No, he must have plush carpeting as his dog bowl. When he finishes that mouthful, he will trot over to the bowl, get another mouthful of food, and bring that food over to the carpet as well. What an adorable weirdo.
4. Even though you can "pet" a virtual dog, it does NOT feel as satisfying as actually feeling puppy fur between your fingers. And my favorite part of having a virtual dog was when it was really happy and would "lick" the screen. Let me tell you - real puppy kisses are WAY better than imaginary virtual ones.
5. I don't care how great technology has become - programmers CANNOT replicate the millions of emotions a puppy can show on their tiny face. A sorrowful look can break my heart, and a joyful one can make my day. No on-screen companion ever had that sort of power!
6. Taking your giga-pet for a walk meant hitting the "go for a walk" button. With a REAL dog, you actually get to go outside in the sun and WALK places. That is, of course, assuming that the dog also wants to walk. If they sit stubbornly and look at you like "What the heck am I supposed to do out here?!?!" then you may have a problem. But HOPEFULLY, once they figure out the whole "walking" idea behind a walk, they will get really excited about going out (that's what happened with our dog, anyway).
7. None of my virtual pets ever played "Wild West" with me. This is a game where I am on all fours on one side of the kitchen, and the pup is on the other side. We dart back and forth on our respective sides for a few minutes, and then when I say "This town ain't big enough for the two of us," we both run and tackle each other in the middle of the kitchen. BEST. GAME. EVER.
So maybe nano-pets didn't have me as prepared as I thought I would be...but I'm really okay with that. Having a real dog is a million times more fun than a virtual one, even if it can be more challenging sometimes. I did so well with virtual pets, though, maybe it was time that I advanced to the "next level." Now, if you'll excuse me, I am going to go wash my hands again because they still smell bad.
Or, if you weren't cool enough to have a portable virtual pet, did you ever play the game "DOGZ" online where you got to "adopt" your own dog and care for it?
Well, I did both. And, as a child, I felt that all of that practice was leading up to this day: a day when I FINALLY have my own REAL LIVE DOG. But I am discovering that there are many things about having a real dog that a pixelated pooch just will not prepare you for.
1. A virtual dog never ACTUALLY pooped or peed. The waste just sort of evaporated into the background. Why can't that happen on my pee-stained socks or my poopy-smelling fingers?! (I just finished cleaning up a pile). I would really like the waste to evaporate into cyberspace, if we can somehow program our dog to do that.
2. A virtual dog never chewed up your stuff. He stayed neatly tucked in your backpack keychain (or on your computer). He never chewed up your wedding albums (BOTH of them), chewed up your couch, or attempted to rip up the new curtains you were making BY HAND to go in the new bedroom.
3. A virtual dog never had cool personality quirks. For example, my REAL dog won't eat his food anywhere except on carpet. We have his food dish in the kitchen. He will fill his mouth with food, walk over to the carpet, drop the food on the carpet, AND THEN eat it. He never drops the food in the kitchen on linoleum. No, he must have plush carpeting as his dog bowl. When he finishes that mouthful, he will trot over to the bowl, get another mouthful of food, and bring that food over to the carpet as well. What an adorable weirdo.
4. Even though you can "pet" a virtual dog, it does NOT feel as satisfying as actually feeling puppy fur between your fingers. And my favorite part of having a virtual dog was when it was really happy and would "lick" the screen. Let me tell you - real puppy kisses are WAY better than imaginary virtual ones.
5. I don't care how great technology has become - programmers CANNOT replicate the millions of emotions a puppy can show on their tiny face. A sorrowful look can break my heart, and a joyful one can make my day. No on-screen companion ever had that sort of power!
6. Taking your giga-pet for a walk meant hitting the "go for a walk" button. With a REAL dog, you actually get to go outside in the sun and WALK places. That is, of course, assuming that the dog also wants to walk. If they sit stubbornly and look at you like "What the heck am I supposed to do out here?!?!" then you may have a problem. But HOPEFULLY, once they figure out the whole "walking" idea behind a walk, they will get really excited about going out (that's what happened with our dog, anyway).
7. None of my virtual pets ever played "Wild West" with me. This is a game where I am on all fours on one side of the kitchen, and the pup is on the other side. We dart back and forth on our respective sides for a few minutes, and then when I say "This town ain't big enough for the two of us," we both run and tackle each other in the middle of the kitchen. BEST. GAME. EVER.
So maybe nano-pets didn't have me as prepared as I thought I would be...but I'm really okay with that. Having a real dog is a million times more fun than a virtual one, even if it can be more challenging sometimes. I did so well with virtual pets, though, maybe it was time that I advanced to the "next level." Now, if you'll excuse me, I am going to go wash my hands again because they still smell bad.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Meeting New Friends
Everyone has told Rex and I that we need to branch out and make new friends in Las Vegas. To those of you that have told us this: WE ARE TRYING! We made two specific attempts to make friends today: we went to church and we went to the community pool. Let me unpack those experiences for you.
1. CHURCH.
"Well, we have rainbow mohawk guy and granny bun lady. This is going to be an interesting experience. I think I feel a blog coming on."
That was my quote as we walked into church this morning. I have literally never seen a more diverse group of people IN MY LIFE. The guy who parked next to us had a RAINBOW MOHAWK, there were a couple old grannies in wheelchairs and on oxygen, there was a Mexican Elvis impersonator, and a bald man with tatoos that made it look as if his head was being attacked by a dragon claw. Oh, and there was a woman with CLEARLY fake and HUGE boobs who was wearing the sparkliest shirt I have ever seen. I guess that's the group you get when you go to church in Vegas!
People aside (because, after all, they could be really cool people!), the church was interesting as well. Before we walked in, we were very confused because we saw all sorts of hot rod cars (ask Rex if you want to know what types, but he was highly impressed so I am guessing it was sufficiently fancy) in a CAR SHOW outside of the church building. I was very confused as to why there was a car show at church, but when we got inside I realized there was a "special event" day for Father's Day - Car Show and a barbeque. At church. COOL.
So we arrived inside, and we followed the signs to the "main auditorium." I think this was where I started to have serious doubts about this place (beginning doubts started with rainbow mohawk man). Auditorium? For church? Oh well... So we went into the auditorium, which I found out seats TEN THOUSAND PEOPLE. AND IT WAS FULL! That is a LOT of people! I settled into my chair in the dark auditorium, waiting with anticipation as if I was going to see a Broadway show. After all, there were enough people to make it feel that way.
Suddenly, with no warning, I was BLASTED out of my seat by a huge ROAR of rock and roll music. I was so startled, I turned to Rex and screamed, "HOW ARE THE GRANNIES ON OXYGEN TOLERATING THIS?!?! IT IS SO LOUD!!" He shouted back, "MAYBE THEY ARE HOPING THIS WILL FINISH THEM OFF SO THEY CAN GO MEET JESUS SOONER!" I still have NO clue why old people would be at this church. The music was so loud that it was hurting MY ears. Anyway, the worship was LOUD and ROCKIN. An usher walked down the aisle doing fist pumps. Oh yeah. I started dancing a little, and Rex looked at me like I was nuts. I figured, "WHATEVER! Everyone else is dancing, we don't know anyone here (yet), and this beat is too loud to stand still to!" So I embarrassed Rex a little. Too bad for him. After a few "church" rock and roll songs, we sat down to hear a "musical performance" by a man who sang "BORN TO BE WILD." In CHURCH. I'm sorry for my excessive use of capital letters in this post, but it was a capital letters kind of church. The thing was, though, that the singer was GOOD. As in, win American Idol good. He had such a good rock voice, and he was doing some awesome vocal runs... I actually liked his version better than the original, which NEVER happens.
So anyway, after the rock concert combo of worship/straight up rock and roll, the pastor guy got up to speak. He was really good! The reason we chose this church in the first place is because I read a book authored by this pastor that I thought was pretty good. So yeah, his message was good, but the church was crazy. Rex and I have discussed possibly going there on Saturday nights as a "concert date," and then going somewhere else for a Sunday morning service. I did inquire about small groups in that church, though, so we'll see if anything comes of that. I have submitted my request to join a group, so maybe that will be a good way to make friends. HEY - maybe "Born to be Wild" guy will be in our small group! Then when he's famous as a rock star, I can be like, "HEY! THAT GUY WAS IN MY SMALL GROUP! WOOT!!"
2. COMMUNITY POOL
When church was...erm...not exactly what we expected, we decided to go to the community pool at our apartment complex to hopefully meet some new friends who live near us. This was not as successful as we hoped. To be fair, there was a really cute Mexican family there for the first few minutes. They had a 17 month old daughter that kept running FULL SPEED from the pool to the hot tub and then back again. Her parents had to be watching, because she would never stop at the edge but just KEPT ON RUNNING right into the water (where she had faith that a parent would catch her). It was really cute and funny. But alas, a 17 month old was not exactly the type of friend I was looking for. So after they left, it was just Rex and I in the hot tub with this teenager guy whose name I forgot. We'll call him "Bubba," because he was really fat and I think "Bubba" is a good fat-guy name. I really can't document the whole conversation we had because I don't remember it all, but I will definitely give you a few highlights. I mean, he started the conversation with, "So do you guys smoke and drink and party and stuff?", so we knew this was headed in an interesting direction.
Bubba: So do you guys smoke and drink and party and stuff?
Us: No.
Bubba: WHY?!
Me: Well, I'm a teacher, so I could get fired for that.
Bubba: Really?!
Me: Well, smoking weed is illegal, so I would get my teaching license taken away. And can you imagine me getting crazy at a bar and then some kid's parent sees me? I'm supposed to set a good example for the middle schoolers, and that wouldn't really fall under "good example."
Bubba: That SUCKS, man!
Me: Well, I love my job and am not huge into partying anyway, so I think it's really okay.
Bubba: I quit smoking. I quit...*thinks* 20 days ago.
Rex: Good for you - it's the healthiest thing you can do for yourself.
Bubba: Yeah, I started last year when I was 15. I needed some stress relief, and I first thought that maybe I should start jogging or something. Then I thought, "Hey! I'm too fat for that! I guess I will start smoking instead."
Rex: Well that was...dumb.
Bubba: Yeah, looking back, that was stupid. That's why I'm quitting. I quit smoking weed too, because my mom really doesn't like it. But I'm not quitting alcohol for her - I mean, come on! One thing at a time!
Me: So...you're sixteen. How do you even get alcohol?
Bubba: Oh, I've been drinking since I was eight.
Rex and I in unison: EIGHT?!?!?!
Bubba: Yeah. Not like, crazy amounts or anything. I would just steal stuff out of my parents' liquor cabinet.
Me: Okay...
Bubba: But now I just go on beer runs with my friend. He's 18. So we go get beer together.
Me: Last time I checked, you're supposed to be 21...which neither of you are...so how do you get beer?
Bubba: (looking at me like I'm an idiot) We don't PAY for it!
Me: Oh. I guess I didn't consider that.
Bubba: The way I see it, I WOULD pay for the beer, but they aren't going to take my money because I'm not 21. So they are FORCING me to steal it. Plus, when you're as fat as me, it's really easy cuz I just wear a big coat and I can fit lots of booze in it. It would probably never work for you guys - you're too skinny.
Me: That's really okay.
Bubba: Yeah, my mom is all worried that I'm going to become an alcoholic because it runs in my family, but I'm just like "MOM - S*** HAPPENS! Some people become alcoholics! Maybe I will, maybe I won't. Who knows?"
Me: Uh...you do realize that you have some control over whether or not you become an alcoholic, right?
Bubba: Yeah...well...nah...
I could go on with this conversation, but I think you've gotten the basic flavor. So obviously Bubba's not going to be our new best friend either. WHERE ARE WE SUPPOSED TO FIND GOOD FRIENDS IN VEGAS?!?! Perhaps I will put an ad on Craigslist. Although...I'm sure that could produce some crazies as well. Which, you know, might make a good blog. So maybe I will do it anyway.
1. CHURCH.
"Well, we have rainbow mohawk guy and granny bun lady. This is going to be an interesting experience. I think I feel a blog coming on."
That was my quote as we walked into church this morning. I have literally never seen a more diverse group of people IN MY LIFE. The guy who parked next to us had a RAINBOW MOHAWK, there were a couple old grannies in wheelchairs and on oxygen, there was a Mexican Elvis impersonator, and a bald man with tatoos that made it look as if his head was being attacked by a dragon claw. Oh, and there was a woman with CLEARLY fake and HUGE boobs who was wearing the sparkliest shirt I have ever seen. I guess that's the group you get when you go to church in Vegas!
People aside (because, after all, they could be really cool people!), the church was interesting as well. Before we walked in, we were very confused because we saw all sorts of hot rod cars (ask Rex if you want to know what types, but he was highly impressed so I am guessing it was sufficiently fancy) in a CAR SHOW outside of the church building. I was very confused as to why there was a car show at church, but when we got inside I realized there was a "special event" day for Father's Day - Car Show and a barbeque. At church. COOL.
So we arrived inside, and we followed the signs to the "main auditorium." I think this was where I started to have serious doubts about this place (beginning doubts started with rainbow mohawk man). Auditorium? For church? Oh well... So we went into the auditorium, which I found out seats TEN THOUSAND PEOPLE. AND IT WAS FULL! That is a LOT of people! I settled into my chair in the dark auditorium, waiting with anticipation as if I was going to see a Broadway show. After all, there were enough people to make it feel that way.
Suddenly, with no warning, I was BLASTED out of my seat by a huge ROAR of rock and roll music. I was so startled, I turned to Rex and screamed, "HOW ARE THE GRANNIES ON OXYGEN TOLERATING THIS?!?! IT IS SO LOUD!!" He shouted back, "MAYBE THEY ARE HOPING THIS WILL FINISH THEM OFF SO THEY CAN GO MEET JESUS SOONER!" I still have NO clue why old people would be at this church. The music was so loud that it was hurting MY ears. Anyway, the worship was LOUD and ROCKIN. An usher walked down the aisle doing fist pumps. Oh yeah. I started dancing a little, and Rex looked at me like I was nuts. I figured, "WHATEVER! Everyone else is dancing, we don't know anyone here (yet), and this beat is too loud to stand still to!" So I embarrassed Rex a little. Too bad for him. After a few "church" rock and roll songs, we sat down to hear a "musical performance" by a man who sang "BORN TO BE WILD." In CHURCH. I'm sorry for my excessive use of capital letters in this post, but it was a capital letters kind of church. The thing was, though, that the singer was GOOD. As in, win American Idol good. He had such a good rock voice, and he was doing some awesome vocal runs... I actually liked his version better than the original, which NEVER happens.
So anyway, after the rock concert combo of worship/straight up rock and roll, the pastor guy got up to speak. He was really good! The reason we chose this church in the first place is because I read a book authored by this pastor that I thought was pretty good. So yeah, his message was good, but the church was crazy. Rex and I have discussed possibly going there on Saturday nights as a "concert date," and then going somewhere else for a Sunday morning service. I did inquire about small groups in that church, though, so we'll see if anything comes of that. I have submitted my request to join a group, so maybe that will be a good way to make friends. HEY - maybe "Born to be Wild" guy will be in our small group! Then when he's famous as a rock star, I can be like, "HEY! THAT GUY WAS IN MY SMALL GROUP! WOOT!!"
2. COMMUNITY POOL
When church was...erm...not exactly what we expected, we decided to go to the community pool at our apartment complex to hopefully meet some new friends who live near us. This was not as successful as we hoped. To be fair, there was a really cute Mexican family there for the first few minutes. They had a 17 month old daughter that kept running FULL SPEED from the pool to the hot tub and then back again. Her parents had to be watching, because she would never stop at the edge but just KEPT ON RUNNING right into the water (where she had faith that a parent would catch her). It was really cute and funny. But alas, a 17 month old was not exactly the type of friend I was looking for. So after they left, it was just Rex and I in the hot tub with this teenager guy whose name I forgot. We'll call him "Bubba," because he was really fat and I think "Bubba" is a good fat-guy name. I really can't document the whole conversation we had because I don't remember it all, but I will definitely give you a few highlights. I mean, he started the conversation with, "So do you guys smoke and drink and party and stuff?", so we knew this was headed in an interesting direction.
Bubba: So do you guys smoke and drink and party and stuff?
Us: No.
Bubba: WHY?!
Me: Well, I'm a teacher, so I could get fired for that.
Bubba: Really?!
Me: Well, smoking weed is illegal, so I would get my teaching license taken away. And can you imagine me getting crazy at a bar and then some kid's parent sees me? I'm supposed to set a good example for the middle schoolers, and that wouldn't really fall under "good example."
Bubba: That SUCKS, man!
Me: Well, I love my job and am not huge into partying anyway, so I think it's really okay.
Bubba: I quit smoking. I quit...*thinks* 20 days ago.
Rex: Good for you - it's the healthiest thing you can do for yourself.
Bubba: Yeah, I started last year when I was 15. I needed some stress relief, and I first thought that maybe I should start jogging or something. Then I thought, "Hey! I'm too fat for that! I guess I will start smoking instead."
Rex: Well that was...dumb.
Bubba: Yeah, looking back, that was stupid. That's why I'm quitting. I quit smoking weed too, because my mom really doesn't like it. But I'm not quitting alcohol for her - I mean, come on! One thing at a time!
Me: So...you're sixteen. How do you even get alcohol?
Bubba: Oh, I've been drinking since I was eight.
Rex and I in unison: EIGHT?!?!?!
Bubba: Yeah. Not like, crazy amounts or anything. I would just steal stuff out of my parents' liquor cabinet.
Me: Okay...
Bubba: But now I just go on beer runs with my friend. He's 18. So we go get beer together.
Me: Last time I checked, you're supposed to be 21...which neither of you are...so how do you get beer?
Bubba: (looking at me like I'm an idiot) We don't PAY for it!
Me: Oh. I guess I didn't consider that.
Bubba: The way I see it, I WOULD pay for the beer, but they aren't going to take my money because I'm not 21. So they are FORCING me to steal it. Plus, when you're as fat as me, it's really easy cuz I just wear a big coat and I can fit lots of booze in it. It would probably never work for you guys - you're too skinny.
Me: That's really okay.
Bubba: Yeah, my mom is all worried that I'm going to become an alcoholic because it runs in my family, but I'm just like "MOM - S*** HAPPENS! Some people become alcoholics! Maybe I will, maybe I won't. Who knows?"
Me: Uh...you do realize that you have some control over whether or not you become an alcoholic, right?
Bubba: Yeah...well...nah...
I could go on with this conversation, but I think you've gotten the basic flavor. So obviously Bubba's not going to be our new best friend either. WHERE ARE WE SUPPOSED TO FIND GOOD FRIENDS IN VEGAS?!?! Perhaps I will put an ad on Craigslist. Although...I'm sure that could produce some crazies as well. Which, you know, might make a good blog. So maybe I will do it anyway.
Father's Day Cards
In honor of Father's Day, I "helped" our pets write letters to Rex. They were quite different. I gave the first one to the puppy to deliver to Rex. I gave it to the dog saying, "Go give this to Daddy!" but I don't think he really got the message because he just started slobbering on it and chewing on it. So I had to help him.
Here is the Father's Day card from Elvis, our new little Beagle puppy (it was written in loopy little kid handwriting since, after all, he is just a puppy):
Dear Dad,
Happy Father's Day!
Even though you were only my dad for one day so far,
I still love you a lot.
Thank you four your sock to.
Love,
Elvis
In contrast, here is the Father's Day card from our cat Elsie (written in sleek elegant cat writing since, after all, she is a cat):
Dad -
Really? A DOG?!
I thought we had an understanding.
Get rid of the stupid slobbering pee-fest.
You're like, the worst dad EVER!
Get rid of the mutt or I will attack you in your sleep.
Oh, Happy Father's Day.
- Elsie
I love our little pet family!!!
Here is the Father's Day card from Elvis, our new little Beagle puppy (it was written in loopy little kid handwriting since, after all, he is just a puppy):
Dear Dad,
Happy Father's Day!
Even though you were only my dad for one day so far,
I still love you a lot.
Thank you four your sock to.
Love,
Elvis
In contrast, here is the Father's Day card from our cat Elsie (written in sleek elegant cat writing since, after all, she is a cat):
Dad -
Really? A DOG?!
I thought we had an understanding.
Get rid of the stupid slobbering pee-fest.
You're like, the worst dad EVER!
Get rid of the mutt or I will attack you in your sleep.
Oh, Happy Father's Day.
- Elsie
I love our little pet family!!!
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Wild West Wanderers - Takin' it to Vegas
Today is Day 4 of our Wild West Tour. This tour includes Rex and I (who are en-route to moving to Vegas), and also our friends Jake and Kaitlin. So far it has been a BLAST, and I highly suggest you check out my video blog to keep up with all of our adventures. It can be found at YouTube under my old YouTube channel, "cknasel."
Right now I am blogging from Middle-O-Nowhere Wyoming, where we have stopped for breakfast. We were surprised they have even heard of "WiFi." We had to drive through five towns to even FIND this McDonalds, so internet is like gold around here. Who knew middle America was so desolate? I mean, as a kid I used to look on a map of the United States. I would see that the Dakotas and Wyoming are mostly blank, and I would think, "Nah. There's gotta be SOMETHING there...it's just not on this map." NOPE. There's really not much of anything. Just a lot of fields containing cows, horses, and antelope. For each town we drive through, there is a sign that says, "Welcome to __________. Population: _________. The last town we drove through had a population of FIFTY. That's it! The biggest city we have been through was population 5,000, and we were all freaking out about what a "big city" we were in. 5,000? There are high schools with more people than that. Comparatively, though, it is a HUGE city. They had MULTIPLE restaurants and hotels to choose from. WHOA!
This trip was almost ruined before it even started. We got off to a very dramatic beginning when, on the morning that we were supposed to be leaving, Rex checked his e-mail and discovered an acceptance letter to a physical therapy school he really likes in Virgina. He suddenly turned to me and said, "Okay...actually we might be going to Virginia instead of Vegas." Out loud I said, "I promised to follow you anywhere, and I will do that. Just let me know where you want to go. If I can propose my wifely vote, though...all of our stuff is already in the moving van to Vegas, I have a job there, we signed a lease on an apartment there, and our two friends are here to help us move out there. But seriously - I will follow you wherever you choose." And I really meant those words, but inside my head a part of my brain was screaming, "ARE YOU FREAKING INSANE?!?! WE ARE ALL SET FOR VEGAS!! THERE IS NO WAY ON EARTH I AM SWITCHING EVERYTHING AROUND AND MOVING TO VIRGINIA NOW!" Luckily, after a couple hours of comparing the schools and trying to decide where to go, Rex chose Vegas. PHEW! So here we are...on the road to our new home.
So far the trip has been really fun, but I feel like I have been on the road for a lifetime. It's amazing how time slooooooooooows down when you are on a long road trip. We have packed a lot in, though! Yesterday we saw Mt. Rushmore and hiked through the mountains to some BEAUTIFUL waterfalls. The day before that we went to "Wall Drug," this drug store that is apparently a BIG DEAL in South Dakota (we saw 97 billboards for it, so we decided we should probably stop). It was fun, but it really just shows you how much of NOTHING there is in South Dakota. We found a SWEET hotel, though, that had a full size water park inside! All four of us were freaking out and playing on the slides as if we were six years old again. But the slides were SO COOL! They even went outside! And the hotel was REALLY nice. I felt a little guilty about splurging...but then we stayed at a SUPER crappy hotel called the "Econo-Inn" last night so I think it all evens out. We might have tried to find a less sketchy hotel, but we didn't get out of the mountains until 1:00 AM. We had planned to stop at 10:30, but we got lost and then kept getting redirected because of rockslides, snowstorms (SNOWSTORMS! In JUNE!), and steep inclines. Oh, and it was the middle of the night. It was highly creepy. I told my traveling companions that it was the perfect setting for every horror movie, and we were probably going to die. They didn't believe me. Oh well, it turned out that they were right anyway. We lived. But the SECOND we got to the bottom of the mountain, we just checked into the first hotel we could find. It was the definition of "janky," but we all just fell asleep so fast that it really didn't even matter.
Now I'm blogging while I wait for my "Day 3" videos to load onto YouTube. I was all excited about the Wifi, but I should have known that the connection here would be S-L-O-W. We have been here for an hour, and I have only uploaded three clips (out of 18). I think perhaps uploading to the video blog will have to wait in favor of going to Yellowstone National Park. It's a close call, but....Yellowstone sounds more fun than this McDonalds. Sorry.
I will continue to fill you in as we go! It's a great trip so far!
Right now I am blogging from Middle-O-Nowhere Wyoming, where we have stopped for breakfast. We were surprised they have even heard of "WiFi." We had to drive through five towns to even FIND this McDonalds, so internet is like gold around here. Who knew middle America was so desolate? I mean, as a kid I used to look on a map of the United States. I would see that the Dakotas and Wyoming are mostly blank, and I would think, "Nah. There's gotta be SOMETHING there...it's just not on this map." NOPE. There's really not much of anything. Just a lot of fields containing cows, horses, and antelope. For each town we drive through, there is a sign that says, "Welcome to __________. Population: _________. The last town we drove through had a population of FIFTY. That's it! The biggest city we have been through was population 5,000, and we were all freaking out about what a "big city" we were in. 5,000? There are high schools with more people than that. Comparatively, though, it is a HUGE city. They had MULTIPLE restaurants and hotels to choose from. WHOA!
This trip was almost ruined before it even started. We got off to a very dramatic beginning when, on the morning that we were supposed to be leaving, Rex checked his e-mail and discovered an acceptance letter to a physical therapy school he really likes in Virgina. He suddenly turned to me and said, "Okay...actually we might be going to Virginia instead of Vegas." Out loud I said, "I promised to follow you anywhere, and I will do that. Just let me know where you want to go. If I can propose my wifely vote, though...all of our stuff is already in the moving van to Vegas, I have a job there, we signed a lease on an apartment there, and our two friends are here to help us move out there. But seriously - I will follow you wherever you choose." And I really meant those words, but inside my head a part of my brain was screaming, "ARE YOU FREAKING INSANE?!?! WE ARE ALL SET FOR VEGAS!! THERE IS NO WAY ON EARTH I AM SWITCHING EVERYTHING AROUND AND MOVING TO VIRGINIA NOW!" Luckily, after a couple hours of comparing the schools and trying to decide where to go, Rex chose Vegas. PHEW! So here we are...on the road to our new home.
So far the trip has been really fun, but I feel like I have been on the road for a lifetime. It's amazing how time slooooooooooows down when you are on a long road trip. We have packed a lot in, though! Yesterday we saw Mt. Rushmore and hiked through the mountains to some BEAUTIFUL waterfalls. The day before that we went to "Wall Drug," this drug store that is apparently a BIG DEAL in South Dakota (we saw 97 billboards for it, so we decided we should probably stop). It was fun, but it really just shows you how much of NOTHING there is in South Dakota. We found a SWEET hotel, though, that had a full size water park inside! All four of us were freaking out and playing on the slides as if we were six years old again. But the slides were SO COOL! They even went outside! And the hotel was REALLY nice. I felt a little guilty about splurging...but then we stayed at a SUPER crappy hotel called the "Econo-Inn" last night so I think it all evens out. We might have tried to find a less sketchy hotel, but we didn't get out of the mountains until 1:00 AM. We had planned to stop at 10:30, but we got lost and then kept getting redirected because of rockslides, snowstorms (SNOWSTORMS! In JUNE!), and steep inclines. Oh, and it was the middle of the night. It was highly creepy. I told my traveling companions that it was the perfect setting for every horror movie, and we were probably going to die. They didn't believe me. Oh well, it turned out that they were right anyway. We lived. But the SECOND we got to the bottom of the mountain, we just checked into the first hotel we could find. It was the definition of "janky," but we all just fell asleep so fast that it really didn't even matter.
Now I'm blogging while I wait for my "Day 3" videos to load onto YouTube. I was all excited about the Wifi, but I should have known that the connection here would be S-L-O-W. We have been here for an hour, and I have only uploaded three clips (out of 18). I think perhaps uploading to the video blog will have to wait in favor of going to Yellowstone National Park. It's a close call, but....Yellowstone sounds more fun than this McDonalds. Sorry.
I will continue to fill you in as we go! It's a great trip so far!
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