Today I got something fabulous in the mail. One of my friends from college is a military wife, and she had a handbook about how to enrich a long distance marriage. She thought of my current situation and sent it to me, which I really appreciate. It was so kind of her. The book was basically a list of all of these things you could do for your spouse while they're gone or things you could do together long distance. To the book's credit, there were a few good ideas in there (A FEW). A lot of them, however, were exceedingly strange. Like, I want to meet the couples who submitted these ideas. I was going to list some here with my commentary, but you know what? I don't even think you need my commentary. The list really just speaks for itself. Here are my favorite twenty:
1. Learn how to cross-stich a loving message from you.
2. Carve both of your initials into a piece of wood and send it to him.
3. Send him a pair of electric warming socks with a note saying that since you couldn't be there to warm his feet, you are sending these in your place.
4. Print a message in the personals section of the newspaper. Call him the morning it runs.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry - I'm trying to hold my commentary, but I really have to interject on this one. What are you supposed to put in the personals?? Isn't that where people write to get a date? Like, what people did before online dating? How on earth is that supposed to help your marriage?! I don't get this one at all. Okay, sorry for interrupting. Back to the list.
5. Send a poster of his favorite national park.
6. Make an exercise video starring yourself so that he can exercise with you.
7. See who can grow the most tomatoes on an individual tomato plant while he's gone.
It's at this point that I really lost all hope in the helpfulness of this book...lol.
8. Send him a jar of his favorite jelly or jam preserves.
9. Have a personalized rubber stamp made for him.
10. Buy him a tabletop water fountain.
11. Have a street sign made for him with his name on it.
I'm serious, people. These are all straight from the book. I couldn't make these up if I tried.
12. Send him both of your baby pictures framed together.
13. Choose identical pairs of socks and send a pair to him. Choose a day when you will both wear the socks.
14. Send him a heart shaped kite to fly next time it's windy.
15. Take a virtual tour of the White House together.
16. Call each other on cell phones while swinging on swing sets.
17. Climb a tree and write a letter to him while up in the tree.
18. Write a letter together to the President of the United States or another political leader.
19. Buy two bird feeders, and send one to him. Tell each other about the birds that visit.
20. Buy a copy of his favorite romance novel (time out - Christine here - WHY would Rex have a "favorite romance novel"?? Does that not sound incredibly weird to anyone else out there?? Okay, sorry. I interrupted again.) Go through and cross out the names of the two lead characters and replace them with your names. Gift-wrap the book and send it to him.
So there you have it - my top twenty. Rex happens to be studying right now so he's signed in to gchat but we aren't really chatting. I just messaged him and said, "Hey, here's a thought - would you like to go on a virtual tour of the White House together?" After an extremely long pause, I am happy to report that Rex responded in an entirely appropriate fashion: "??????" Ha ha. Where did people come up with these things??
Another really funny part of this book was that all of the illustrations showed happy couples doing things together like eating breakfast in bed, going fishing, etc. Pretty much everything that a long distance couple can't do. Why would they have those as the illustrations? It's taunting us long-distancers! Like, "We're going to eat this yummy breakfast and then go fishing together...you just go ahead and have fun growing your tomato plant." Rude book.
It was a pretty good read anyway. It made me smile at least, and I hope it made you smile too. :-)
Monday, July 29, 2013
Friday, July 26, 2013
My Little Buddy
Living alone is difficult. I'm not sure if it's difficult for me because it is difficult for everyone, or if it's just hard for me because I'm not used to it. I don't know if I'll ever get used to it, really. This would be a lot easier if I weren't particularly fond of my husband, but I am. I miss him every day.
There is one thing that makes my life easier, though, and it's my little buddy. We're pretty much best friends. His name is Elvis, and if you can look at this picture and not think, "Awwww!" then there's something wrong with you:
Elvis and I have gotten a lot closer with Rex being gone. I feel really ridiculous about saying that I feel "close" to a dog, but I do. I think he likes me too, because he whines whenever I leave the room. He didn't used to do that. I brought him to my mom's house last night, and he followed me everywhere. When I tried to leave him in my mom's room, he sat by the door and waited for me to come back. When I went to bed, he curled up next to me and cuddled me all night. See? He likes me. He never used to do any of that stuff.
It's just nice to have someone to be excited when I get home from work, you know? Goodness knows my cat isn't. She would probably prefer we just all leave her alone to plot her world domination. She just slinks around and glares. Check out this picture:
See what I mean? I love her, but she's evil. I consider Elvis my friend, but Elsie is more...hmmm...my nemesis.
Anyway, back to Elvis. He and I have become great pals. The other day we talked about politics in the Middle East (he didn't have much to say, but then again I didn't either). When the Duchess of Cambridge had her baby, I told Elvis about it because I knew Rex wouldn't care. Elvis reacted appropriately by dancing around the kitchen on two legs and waving his paws in the air for joy.
That may or may not have something to do with the fact I was holding a treat over his head.
He's a mostly good dog, but he ate my favorite pair of shoes the other day so then we were in a fight. I locked him in his kennel for the night and didn't play fetch or chase with him. We usually play every night, so I think I really bummed him out. Then I felt guilty because, after all, he's just a dog. He didn't know any better. It's not like Rex ate my shoes. So the next day I bought him a new bone to make up for not playing with him. I think we're good again. Dogs don't hold grudges.
My current best friend has four legs and floppy ears, which sounds a little pathetic. He's a good boy, though, and I'm glad I've got him. :-) Only 21 days till I get to visit my real best friend (the two-legged one!) in Las Vegas! Whoo hoo!!!
There is one thing that makes my life easier, though, and it's my little buddy. We're pretty much best friends. His name is Elvis, and if you can look at this picture and not think, "Awwww!" then there's something wrong with you:
Elvis and I have gotten a lot closer with Rex being gone. I feel really ridiculous about saying that I feel "close" to a dog, but I do. I think he likes me too, because he whines whenever I leave the room. He didn't used to do that. I brought him to my mom's house last night, and he followed me everywhere. When I tried to leave him in my mom's room, he sat by the door and waited for me to come back. When I went to bed, he curled up next to me and cuddled me all night. See? He likes me. He never used to do any of that stuff.
It's just nice to have someone to be excited when I get home from work, you know? Goodness knows my cat isn't. She would probably prefer we just all leave her alone to plot her world domination. She just slinks around and glares. Check out this picture:
See what I mean? I love her, but she's evil. I consider Elvis my friend, but Elsie is more...hmmm...my nemesis.
Anyway, back to Elvis. He and I have become great pals. The other day we talked about politics in the Middle East (he didn't have much to say, but then again I didn't either). When the Duchess of Cambridge had her baby, I told Elvis about it because I knew Rex wouldn't care. Elvis reacted appropriately by dancing around the kitchen on two legs and waving his paws in the air for joy.
That may or may not have something to do with the fact I was holding a treat over his head.
He's a mostly good dog, but he ate my favorite pair of shoes the other day so then we were in a fight. I locked him in his kennel for the night and didn't play fetch or chase with him. We usually play every night, so I think I really bummed him out. Then I felt guilty because, after all, he's just a dog. He didn't know any better. It's not like Rex ate my shoes. So the next day I bought him a new bone to make up for not playing with him. I think we're good again. Dogs don't hold grudges.
My current best friend has four legs and floppy ears, which sounds a little pathetic. He's a good boy, though, and I'm glad I've got him. :-) Only 21 days till I get to visit my real best friend (the two-legged one!) in Las Vegas! Whoo hoo!!!
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Toothbrush
I woke up this morning and realized that right on my bathroom counter sits an essential symbol of my life right now:
One toothbrush. One sad, lonely toothbrush. Even the toothpaste looks sad, burying its head in the cup and facing away from me as if to say, "I can't bear to look at your sad life."
Okay, that part is a little melodramatic. Sorry. But seriously - every morning when I see my toothbrush standing alone, it makes me sad. There used to be a toothbrush standing next to it, but that toothbrush is now far away in Las Vegas, Nevada - 2,000 miles away from mine.
The far away toothbrush belongs to Rex, and he's in Nevada until September 29 for classes. He left on July 5. That's almost three months that my toothbrush has to be lonely. I realize it's not as bad as military couples who are apart for an entire year when one of them deploys, but still. My husband is my best friend and my favorite person in the whole world. I think I have the right to pout a little bit about him being gone.
Long distance relationships really stink. You get the bad parts of being single (no one to hug you when you're sad, no one to tell you that "of course that dress doesn't make you look fat," no one to help with chores, no one to go to the grocery store with, etc.), and you also get the bad parts of being married (checking with someone before you make any major purchases, not being able to go have a girls night and flirt with random people, not being able to get a pug, etc.) It's like a horrible parody of the Hannah Montana theme song: "You get the woooooooorst of both worlds!" It's horrible. I want my husband to be home.
It doesn't help that I'm horrible at talking on the phone (I always have been. I just feel awkward), and until five minutes ago I had no internet so I couldn't Skype or gchat. The internet tech just left so I finally have internet, but still. You know skyping isn't like the real thing. I hate reading about celebrities who say, "We make our relationship work by never going more than ten days without seeing each other. Anything longer than that would be detrimental to a relationship." Cool, you. I would love to see my husband every ten days. I would love to see my husband every day. Are you going to lend me your private jet to make that happen??
I e-mailed my cousin because her husband goes away a lot on trainings for the military. I asked for her best advice on how to do life alone when you're so used to having a partner to do everything with you. Here's what she said: "All I can say is....it sucks!! Honestly no magic potion....no words of wisdom....just be prepared to cry a lot...eat a lot of comfort food...and watch a lot of tv..."
Thanks, Danielle. Real encouraging, lol. I guess I give her credit for being honest, but it certainly didn't make me feel any better! Hopefully the next 74 days zip by.
In the mean time, I'll be consoling my lonely toothbrush.
One toothbrush. One sad, lonely toothbrush. Even the toothpaste looks sad, burying its head in the cup and facing away from me as if to say, "I can't bear to look at your sad life."
Okay, that part is a little melodramatic. Sorry. But seriously - every morning when I see my toothbrush standing alone, it makes me sad. There used to be a toothbrush standing next to it, but that toothbrush is now far away in Las Vegas, Nevada - 2,000 miles away from mine.
The far away toothbrush belongs to Rex, and he's in Nevada until September 29 for classes. He left on July 5. That's almost three months that my toothbrush has to be lonely. I realize it's not as bad as military couples who are apart for an entire year when one of them deploys, but still. My husband is my best friend and my favorite person in the whole world. I think I have the right to pout a little bit about him being gone.
Long distance relationships really stink. You get the bad parts of being single (no one to hug you when you're sad, no one to tell you that "of course that dress doesn't make you look fat," no one to help with chores, no one to go to the grocery store with, etc.), and you also get the bad parts of being married (checking with someone before you make any major purchases, not being able to go have a girls night and flirt with random people, not being able to get a pug, etc.) It's like a horrible parody of the Hannah Montana theme song: "You get the woooooooorst of both worlds!" It's horrible. I want my husband to be home.
It doesn't help that I'm horrible at talking on the phone (I always have been. I just feel awkward), and until five minutes ago I had no internet so I couldn't Skype or gchat. The internet tech just left so I finally have internet, but still. You know skyping isn't like the real thing. I hate reading about celebrities who say, "We make our relationship work by never going more than ten days without seeing each other. Anything longer than that would be detrimental to a relationship." Cool, you. I would love to see my husband every ten days. I would love to see my husband every day. Are you going to lend me your private jet to make that happen??
I e-mailed my cousin because her husband goes away a lot on trainings for the military. I asked for her best advice on how to do life alone when you're so used to having a partner to do everything with you. Here's what she said: "All I can say is....it sucks!! Honestly no magic potion....no words of wisdom....just be prepared to cry a lot...eat a lot of comfort food...and watch a lot of tv..."
Thanks, Danielle. Real encouraging, lol. I guess I give her credit for being honest, but it certainly didn't make me feel any better! Hopefully the next 74 days zip by.
In the mean time, I'll be consoling my lonely toothbrush.
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