I sent this e-mail a few days ago to my sister-in-law (a dentist) and my brother-in-law (a future dentist), but it made me laugh so much that I decided to share it on my blog too. Also, they didn't e-mail me back (they must be doing very important, dentisty things), so I'm hoping for at least one person to laugh with me on this one:
Hello Bro and Sis,
At recess today, one of my students (who is awesome on piano) was playing hymns in my room. Again. It's all she plays. Nothing against hymns, obviously, but I wanted something new. I printed off sheet music for the MSU fight song and was like, "Here, try this one." So, without ever seeing the music in her life, she TOTALLY ROCKED the MSU fight song. Best teaching moment ever, lol. I'm going to video it tomorrow and see if I can e-mail it.
One of the boys who watches sports (where, I don't know...he's not supposed to have TV) recognized the song, so we started talking about sports. We talked about Tom Izzo, and someone asked how much he makes. I said that I could look it up (around 3.5 million per season, with bonuses depending on how the team does). Then one of my girls said, "Whoa, that's a lot of money. That's, like, even more than a DENTIST!" Like that was the craziest thing in the world. And another student was like, "What? A college sports coach makes even more than a dentist?"
Yes, kids. IT'S CALLED THE BIG TEN. I'm so upset that none of you have heard of Tom Izzo.
Ugh. They have so much to learn about college. And life. Ha ha.
Thursday, January 28, 2016
Sunday, January 17, 2016
Piñata
"Kids, this is seriously the best or worst idea you've ever had. I haven't yet decided which one."
Spoiler alert: I end up deciding "best," even though by the end my floor gets totally messed up and my electrical socket ends up broken. That's how much fun it was.
My students had worked very hard to fill their vocabulary jar. Every time they use a vocabulary word correctly in a sentence, they get to put a marble in a large jar in my classroom. They can use the words in other classes or even at home as long as they get a note that they used them (teacher tip: this is a great way to get students to bring vocabulary words into their everyday vocabularies).
Finally, for the first time all school year, the students filled the jar. They were very excited for their party. We took votes on what type of party they wanted to have, and they decided they wanted a "pizza and candy" party (so original, I know). One of the girls said, "Can we bring in a piñata for the candy?" A rousing chorus of "Oooooooo! Yeah! A piñata!" echoed around the room. I told them I wasn't sure about that idea; that I would think about it and get back to them later (our party wasn't scheduled until Friday). It was one of those things where I hoped they would forget about it and let it go.
They didn't.
They kept asking if I'd made up my mind about the piñata until finally on Thursday I had to give an answer. I said, "Here's the thing. I don't have time to go buy a piñata. If one of you would like to buy or make a piñata by tomorrow, then we will use it at our party." Because no one would have time to buy or make a piñata in one night, right?
Clearly I underestimate my junior high students.
The next morning, one of my girls walked in with a makeshift piñata made out of a sturdy cardboard diaper box and a ridiculous amount of duct tape. It was like an Alcatraz for candy. There was no way we were going to be able to break that. I looked at the yardstick by my whiteboard. "I don't think my yardstick is going to work on that piñata," I said doubtfully. As if on cue, the girl's friend walked in the room, "I FOUND IT!" she cheered triumphantly while holding up a METAL BASEBALL BAT.
"Whoa whoa whoa..." I stood up out of my chair and tried to diffuse the situation. "We can't go smashing things with bats. That's dangerous. We said we would use the yardstick, remember?"
"But Mrs. Webb," said my little piñata creator, "the yardstick will never break open this box." She was right. We all knew she was right. And she'd worked so hard on the box...
"Okay," I finally said. "Fill it up with candy, and I'll figure out a plan."
I don't know what kind of plan I thought I was going to figure out. Like I was going to go to the storage room and find some specialty piñata crusher that was safe for children but deadly on duct-tape diaper boxes. It wasn't going to happen.
I was faced with the dilemma of going back on my promise for the sake of 100% safety or living on the edge a little and hoping for the best. Everyone who's ever taught junior high knows that sometimes you have to live on the edge a little. It should really be in the job description.
Once the diaper box was filled with candy, it was HEAVY. Twelve students brought in bags of candy, and some brought in two. The box probably weighed twenty pounds. We had to figure out where to hang it, which is when I thought, Ah ha! No place to hang it! Now their plan will unravel and I didn't even have to foil it! Peeerrrfect.
They wanted to hang it from the basketball hoop, but there was a gym class going on during the same period as our party. They wanted to hang it from a tree outside, but the wind chill was hovering near zero. They finally decided to hang it from the ceiling in my room. This made me nervous, but I thought I would check out the possibility. If I'm being totally honest here, the teacher part of me was saying "this is a horrible idea" but the super immature (and increasingly winning over the mature) part of me was saying, "I haven't played with a piñata in two decades...this is gonna be SWEET."
I stood on my table and pulled up a ceiling tile. I hung on to the metal bar between the ceiling tiles and put a little bit of weight on it. Then I put a little more weight on it. It was surprisingly strong. I could almost swing all of my 125 pounds from that bar...
...I mean 130...
...I mean FINE, 135ish, but WHO REALLY CARES ABOUT THAT? BACK TO THE POINT HERE! CANDY!
After deciding that most of my weight could be supported by the bar, I figured it could probably hold a twenty pound box being smashed by twiggy preteens. Just to be on the safe side, though, I told them to hit the box from the side and not from the top. I didn't even blindfold them just to be sure they could aim correctly.
Yarn wouldn't hold the box because yarn was too weak, so a few of my girls quickly hand-crocheted a six-cord rope of yarn. Yes, they zippy-quick HAND-CROCHETED. Now there's a useful skill that way more people should have.
We finally (finally!) got the box to hang from the ceiling, and we were ready to go. I had the students back waaaaaaaay up, hopefully out of the range of a swinging metal bat. I believe it was at about this point that I said, "Kids, this is seriously the best or worst idea you've ever had. I haven't yet decided which one." The students were completely amped. We'd been working out kinks in this piñata situation for about a half hour. They'd used that entire half hour to get more and more and more and more excited about this idea. The excitement was contagious, I'm not going to lie. I sat on my desk and had to keep myself from bouncing with anticipation like all of my kids were doing.
Each student got a chance to smash the box with the bat. I told you earlier - that was a very sturdy box. They had to swing hard. One student didn't hit the box straight on, and on her follow through she smashed our brick wall. (EEEEEK! See why I didn't let students stand there?!). She hit the socket plate on on an electrical socket, and the plastic broke. All of the students gasped and looked at me for my reaction. I probably should have acted very stern, but instead I started cracking up and exclaimed, "Way to go - you BROKE THE SCHOOL!" Socket plates are only like $2, right? I haven't actually replaced it yet. Hmmm... Everyone started laughing, and I made them all back up even further.
When we had gone around the circle three times smashing our piñata, someone made a dent in the side that allowed a bunch of powdery something to leak out of the bottom corner. "What's that?" the kids asked. I laughed and answered, "It's sugar. You've completely pulverized your candy!" It was true. When the box FINALLY broke open, a bunch of the candy was smashed to a pixie-stick level dust. It made my floor very messy. Watching the kids rush the box with pure glee, however, made all of the clean-up worth it. I think somewhere in the encyclopedia, the definition of "happiness" should be a picture of kids rushing a broken piñata.
After the excitement, everyone retreated back to their desks with fistfuls and shirtfuls and skirtfuls of candy. I couldn't believe how much candy each student got. It was a lot of fun, and a few students said it was their favorite party ever. There was a lot of sugar involved - I feel kind of bad for whichever teacher got them after me. Let's just hope it was gym class.
Spoiler alert: I end up deciding "best," even though by the end my floor gets totally messed up and my electrical socket ends up broken. That's how much fun it was.
My students had worked very hard to fill their vocabulary jar. Every time they use a vocabulary word correctly in a sentence, they get to put a marble in a large jar in my classroom. They can use the words in other classes or even at home as long as they get a note that they used them (teacher tip: this is a great way to get students to bring vocabulary words into their everyday vocabularies).
Finally, for the first time all school year, the students filled the jar. They were very excited for their party. We took votes on what type of party they wanted to have, and they decided they wanted a "pizza and candy" party (so original, I know). One of the girls said, "Can we bring in a piñata for the candy?" A rousing chorus of "Oooooooo! Yeah! A piñata!" echoed around the room. I told them I wasn't sure about that idea; that I would think about it and get back to them later (our party wasn't scheduled until Friday). It was one of those things where I hoped they would forget about it and let it go.
They didn't.
They kept asking if I'd made up my mind about the piñata until finally on Thursday I had to give an answer. I said, "Here's the thing. I don't have time to go buy a piñata. If one of you would like to buy or make a piñata by tomorrow, then we will use it at our party." Because no one would have time to buy or make a piñata in one night, right?
Clearly I underestimate my junior high students.
The next morning, one of my girls walked in with a makeshift piñata made out of a sturdy cardboard diaper box and a ridiculous amount of duct tape. It was like an Alcatraz for candy. There was no way we were going to be able to break that. I looked at the yardstick by my whiteboard. "I don't think my yardstick is going to work on that piñata," I said doubtfully. As if on cue, the girl's friend walked in the room, "I FOUND IT!" she cheered triumphantly while holding up a METAL BASEBALL BAT.
"Whoa whoa whoa..." I stood up out of my chair and tried to diffuse the situation. "We can't go smashing things with bats. That's dangerous. We said we would use the yardstick, remember?"
"But Mrs. Webb," said my little piñata creator, "the yardstick will never break open this box." She was right. We all knew she was right. And she'd worked so hard on the box...
"Okay," I finally said. "Fill it up with candy, and I'll figure out a plan."
I don't know what kind of plan I thought I was going to figure out. Like I was going to go to the storage room and find some specialty piñata crusher that was safe for children but deadly on duct-tape diaper boxes. It wasn't going to happen.
I was faced with the dilemma of going back on my promise for the sake of 100% safety or living on the edge a little and hoping for the best. Everyone who's ever taught junior high knows that sometimes you have to live on the edge a little. It should really be in the job description.
Once the diaper box was filled with candy, it was HEAVY. Twelve students brought in bags of candy, and some brought in two. The box probably weighed twenty pounds. We had to figure out where to hang it, which is when I thought, Ah ha! No place to hang it! Now their plan will unravel and I didn't even have to foil it! Peeerrrfect.
They wanted to hang it from the basketball hoop, but there was a gym class going on during the same period as our party. They wanted to hang it from a tree outside, but the wind chill was hovering near zero. They finally decided to hang it from the ceiling in my room. This made me nervous, but I thought I would check out the possibility. If I'm being totally honest here, the teacher part of me was saying "this is a horrible idea" but the super immature (and increasingly winning over the mature) part of me was saying, "I haven't played with a piñata in two decades...this is gonna be SWEET."
I stood on my table and pulled up a ceiling tile. I hung on to the metal bar between the ceiling tiles and put a little bit of weight on it. Then I put a little more weight on it. It was surprisingly strong. I could almost swing all of my 125 pounds from that bar...
...I mean 130...
...I mean FINE, 135ish, but WHO REALLY CARES ABOUT THAT? BACK TO THE POINT HERE! CANDY!
After deciding that most of my weight could be supported by the bar, I figured it could probably hold a twenty pound box being smashed by twiggy preteens. Just to be on the safe side, though, I told them to hit the box from the side and not from the top. I didn't even blindfold them just to be sure they could aim correctly.
Yarn wouldn't hold the box because yarn was too weak, so a few of my girls quickly hand-crocheted a six-cord rope of yarn. Yes, they zippy-quick HAND-CROCHETED. Now there's a useful skill that way more people should have.
We finally (finally!) got the box to hang from the ceiling, and we were ready to go. I had the students back waaaaaaaay up, hopefully out of the range of a swinging metal bat. I believe it was at about this point that I said, "Kids, this is seriously the best or worst idea you've ever had. I haven't yet decided which one." The students were completely amped. We'd been working out kinks in this piñata situation for about a half hour. They'd used that entire half hour to get more and more and more and more excited about this idea. The excitement was contagious, I'm not going to lie. I sat on my desk and had to keep myself from bouncing with anticipation like all of my kids were doing.
Each student got a chance to smash the box with the bat. I told you earlier - that was a very sturdy box. They had to swing hard. One student didn't hit the box straight on, and on her follow through she smashed our brick wall. (EEEEEK! See why I didn't let students stand there?!). She hit the socket plate on on an electrical socket, and the plastic broke. All of the students gasped and looked at me for my reaction. I probably should have acted very stern, but instead I started cracking up and exclaimed, "Way to go - you BROKE THE SCHOOL!" Socket plates are only like $2, right? I haven't actually replaced it yet. Hmmm... Everyone started laughing, and I made them all back up even further.
When we had gone around the circle three times smashing our piñata, someone made a dent in the side that allowed a bunch of powdery something to leak out of the bottom corner. "What's that?" the kids asked. I laughed and answered, "It's sugar. You've completely pulverized your candy!" It was true. When the box FINALLY broke open, a bunch of the candy was smashed to a pixie-stick level dust. It made my floor very messy. Watching the kids rush the box with pure glee, however, made all of the clean-up worth it. I think somewhere in the encyclopedia, the definition of "happiness" should be a picture of kids rushing a broken piñata.
After the excitement, everyone retreated back to their desks with fistfuls and shirtfuls and skirtfuls of candy. I couldn't believe how much candy each student got. It was a lot of fun, and a few students said it was their favorite party ever. There was a lot of sugar involved - I feel kind of bad for whichever teacher got them after me. Let's just hope it was gym class.
Tuesday, January 12, 2016
The Mighty Grouse
Do you remember being a kid and watching Saturday morning cartoons? You would be sitting up against your couch or possibly lying on your stomach on the floor, chin in your hands as you stared up at your favorite characters? Remember that weird starry magic where the rest of the week didn't matter, and everything was okay until the credits rolled?
That was Rex yesterday.
I wish I could provide you with some wildly romantic post where I explain his eyes were all starry because they were looking at me, or maybe we sat by the fire and had dreamy discussions about our future...but that's not what happened. Sorry. If that's the story you're looking for, go pick up a romance novel.
Yesterday was the first time in over a year of living here that Rex hauled our television set out of the basement. I asked him (in a very nice, respectful, wifey way), "Dude, what are you doing?!" He said that he'd just bought a new DVD and that he had to watch it immediately. He plugged in the DVD player, inserted his DVD, and sat down on the floor to watch. He didn't even have time to make popcorn. He didn't even have time to sit on the couch. That's how excited he was.
I was sitting on the couch working on grading papers. I took a break to stop and watch what had caught my husband's attention so completely. The opening scene was a man sitting at a table and talking to the camera. It looked incredibly low budget - something I could have made with my college MacBook and iMovie 2006. The lighting was awful. The guy also looked creepy (maybe partially because the lighting was awful?) He had buggy eyes threatening to pop out of their sockets, wisps of white hair pretending to cover his head, and a slanty mouth. He started his speech by saying, "Welcome to my video, where we will be talking about the king and master of the forests - the grouse."
I looked nervously at Rex. I knew he'd spent quite a bit of money on this new DVD, and I expected to see that he was disappointed. He was listening to low-budget slanty mouth grandpa tell us that the grouse was the master of the forest. Was that really worth $35?
Apparently that answer was a resounding yes, because Rex turned to me, eyes sparkling, and said, "Isn't this AWESOME?!"
I mean, the only appropriate answer was yes (even though I was dying to ask if he'd gone crazy. I must have been too afraid of the answer).
Grandpa Grouse went on to explain about the mightiness of the grouse. I put down my pen now and paid full attention - were he and I thinking of the same creature? The little brown, boring bird that sits on the ground in the woods, hanging out and dreaming grouse dreams until annoying dogs like Ruby come and startle them? Aren't grouse the same thing as partridges? (I just checked with Rex - that answer is yes). So instead of always being on the ground they apparently frequent pear trees too, especially at Christmastime. That's what the song says, anyway.
Can you imagine if I actually gave Rex a real partridge in a pear tree for Christmas? He would FREAK OUT. But that theoretical scenario should really be saved for another post.
Anyway. I was questioning whether the TV man and I were thinking of the same bird, and then the video cut to (poorly shot) footage of a grouse flapping his little grousy feathers. I think there may have been an inspirational soundtrack, but I remained unconvinced. The MASTER of the forest? Not, like, a bear or a wolf or something? Not even a twelve-point buck? This little nerd of a bird?
Yep, apparently. Because Rex was all but drooling over this footage. Ruby, sitting next to him, actually was drooling (but it's debatable whether or not it was over the grouse footage, since she drools a lot anyway).
The footage cut back to Grandpa Grouse, who was going on about the "majesty" of these creatures. I thought two things during his monologue:
1. If they're so awesome, why are you hunter people trying to kill them all the time?
2. OH NO! REX HAS THE EXACT SAME SHIRT THAT GUY IS WEARING!
Seriously, readers, Rex owns (and frequently wears) the same shirt that Grandpa Grouse was wearing. I had a flash forward to my future: I'm married to a future Grandpa Grouse. *picture me doing that scared face the kid does in Home Alone*
Grandpa finally finished talking about the beauty/majesty/nobility/overall awesomeness of these birds, and then he went on to say, "Now, I'm lucky. I'm married to a wonderful wife who is fully supportive of my love of grouse."
I mean, clearly. She's probably the one filming this on her MacBook camera. Rex shot a look at me, and I smiled. "I support you!" I said. "I'm just like that guy's wife!" Rex said, "Yep! You're right!" Here's what we each actually meant:
What I meant: Are you KIDDING me? I'm the most supportive wife in the WORLD! I didn't complain when you bought this ridiculous $35 DVD made in some dude's basement! I let Ruby chew on our couches and our blankets and everything, and I don't even complain because you think she's "so adorable!" I let you spend more money on weird collars and hunting contraptions than we pay on our mortgage, even though I don't know what half of them do! I go out to fields and shoot blank bullets while you release homing pigeons just so we can train this weird dog! What we're training her to do I have no idea...live with crazy people? Because that's what we're doing! And she's getting ALARMINGLY GOOD AT BEING CRAZY. I'll totally make you a video on my MacBook that we can sell for $35 if you want, because I AM SO FREAKING SUPPORTIVE!
What Rex meant: Grumble grumble...that guy's wife probably bought him a million acres in grouse country and sits around all day selling her world-class needlepoint so that he can buy more guns. Oh, and her world-class needlepoint is probably all pictures of grouse, because they're SO FREAKING MAJESTIC. Christine probably thinks the birds are just plain old partridges. How unenlightened of her. I wish she understood me like Ruby does.
But we're married, you see, so we didn't have to actually say any of that. We can just understand each other.
I was obviously totally distracted by this point, so I kept paying attention to the movie. Grandpa Grouse started talking about the best guns to use for grouse hunting. He said, "You want to know the best gun for grouse hunting? The one that you like best! That's the best one!"
Okay, now we paid THIRTY-FIVE dollars for this movie. I take issue with his comment for two reasons:
1. That is an obvious cop-out answer. What if I told my students, "You know what math answer is best? Whichever one you LIKE best!" Uhhhhh....no. Plus, what if I say I want to go grouse hunting with a paintball gun? My favorite gun is a paintball gun. Does that mean it's the best gun for grouse hunting?
Actually...come to think of it...that could be kind of awesome...
JOKING! Obviously. Wow. Don't go speed-dialing PETA.
2. Rex is going to take that guy's advice to mean, "I will find the most expensive gun in the world and decide that it's 'the one,' and I must have it because Grandpa Grouse in his basement told me that it's the best one." Well, clearly Grandpa Grouse has a more supportive wife then Rex does, because I am NOT shelling out $15k for his Guirini or whatever the junk that gun is called. I won't do it. #sorrynotsorry. I guess he should have married Grandpa Grouse's "supportive" wife.
At this point, I couldn't handle the video any more. I went back to grading papers. Rex stayed riveted to the screen. After about an hour I asked him, "Do you like your movie?" He said, "Yes! I am learning SO MUCH! This is seriously awesome!"
So clearly I must have missed all the educational parts while grading.
What a shame.
Maybe I'll go back and watch it later.
LOL.
That was Rex yesterday.
I wish I could provide you with some wildly romantic post where I explain his eyes were all starry because they were looking at me, or maybe we sat by the fire and had dreamy discussions about our future...but that's not what happened. Sorry. If that's the story you're looking for, go pick up a romance novel.
Yesterday was the first time in over a year of living here that Rex hauled our television set out of the basement. I asked him (in a very nice, respectful, wifey way), "Dude, what are you doing?!" He said that he'd just bought a new DVD and that he had to watch it immediately. He plugged in the DVD player, inserted his DVD, and sat down on the floor to watch. He didn't even have time to make popcorn. He didn't even have time to sit on the couch. That's how excited he was.
I was sitting on the couch working on grading papers. I took a break to stop and watch what had caught my husband's attention so completely. The opening scene was a man sitting at a table and talking to the camera. It looked incredibly low budget - something I could have made with my college MacBook and iMovie 2006. The lighting was awful. The guy also looked creepy (maybe partially because the lighting was awful?) He had buggy eyes threatening to pop out of their sockets, wisps of white hair pretending to cover his head, and a slanty mouth. He started his speech by saying, "Welcome to my video, where we will be talking about the king and master of the forests - the grouse."
I looked nervously at Rex. I knew he'd spent quite a bit of money on this new DVD, and I expected to see that he was disappointed. He was listening to low-budget slanty mouth grandpa tell us that the grouse was the master of the forest. Was that really worth $35?
Apparently that answer was a resounding yes, because Rex turned to me, eyes sparkling, and said, "Isn't this AWESOME?!"
I mean, the only appropriate answer was yes (even though I was dying to ask if he'd gone crazy. I must have been too afraid of the answer).
Grandpa Grouse went on to explain about the mightiness of the grouse. I put down my pen now and paid full attention - were he and I thinking of the same creature? The little brown, boring bird that sits on the ground in the woods, hanging out and dreaming grouse dreams until annoying dogs like Ruby come and startle them? Aren't grouse the same thing as partridges? (I just checked with Rex - that answer is yes). So instead of always being on the ground they apparently frequent pear trees too, especially at Christmastime. That's what the song says, anyway.
Can you imagine if I actually gave Rex a real partridge in a pear tree for Christmas? He would FREAK OUT. But that theoretical scenario should really be saved for another post.
Anyway. I was questioning whether the TV man and I were thinking of the same bird, and then the video cut to (poorly shot) footage of a grouse flapping his little grousy feathers. I think there may have been an inspirational soundtrack, but I remained unconvinced. The MASTER of the forest? Not, like, a bear or a wolf or something? Not even a twelve-point buck? This little nerd of a bird?
Yep, apparently. Because Rex was all but drooling over this footage. Ruby, sitting next to him, actually was drooling (but it's debatable whether or not it was over the grouse footage, since she drools a lot anyway).
The footage cut back to Grandpa Grouse, who was going on about the "majesty" of these creatures. I thought two things during his monologue:
1. If they're so awesome, why are you hunter people trying to kill them all the time?
2. OH NO! REX HAS THE EXACT SAME SHIRT THAT GUY IS WEARING!
Seriously, readers, Rex owns (and frequently wears) the same shirt that Grandpa Grouse was wearing. I had a flash forward to my future: I'm married to a future Grandpa Grouse. *picture me doing that scared face the kid does in Home Alone*
Grandpa finally finished talking about the beauty/majesty/nobility/overall awesomeness of these birds, and then he went on to say, "Now, I'm lucky. I'm married to a wonderful wife who is fully supportive of my love of grouse."
I mean, clearly. She's probably the one filming this on her MacBook camera. Rex shot a look at me, and I smiled. "I support you!" I said. "I'm just like that guy's wife!" Rex said, "Yep! You're right!" Here's what we each actually meant:
What I meant: Are you KIDDING me? I'm the most supportive wife in the WORLD! I didn't complain when you bought this ridiculous $35 DVD made in some dude's basement! I let Ruby chew on our couches and our blankets and everything, and I don't even complain because you think she's "so adorable!" I let you spend more money on weird collars and hunting contraptions than we pay on our mortgage, even though I don't know what half of them do! I go out to fields and shoot blank bullets while you release homing pigeons just so we can train this weird dog! What we're training her to do I have no idea...live with crazy people? Because that's what we're doing! And she's getting ALARMINGLY GOOD AT BEING CRAZY. I'll totally make you a video on my MacBook that we can sell for $35 if you want, because I AM SO FREAKING SUPPORTIVE!
What Rex meant: Grumble grumble...that guy's wife probably bought him a million acres in grouse country and sits around all day selling her world-class needlepoint so that he can buy more guns. Oh, and her world-class needlepoint is probably all pictures of grouse, because they're SO FREAKING MAJESTIC. Christine probably thinks the birds are just plain old partridges. How unenlightened of her. I wish she understood me like Ruby does.
But we're married, you see, so we didn't have to actually say any of that. We can just understand each other.
I was obviously totally distracted by this point, so I kept paying attention to the movie. Grandpa Grouse started talking about the best guns to use for grouse hunting. He said, "You want to know the best gun for grouse hunting? The one that you like best! That's the best one!"
Okay, now we paid THIRTY-FIVE dollars for this movie. I take issue with his comment for two reasons:
1. That is an obvious cop-out answer. What if I told my students, "You know what math answer is best? Whichever one you LIKE best!" Uhhhhh....no. Plus, what if I say I want to go grouse hunting with a paintball gun? My favorite gun is a paintball gun. Does that mean it's the best gun for grouse hunting?
Actually...come to think of it...that could be kind of awesome...
JOKING! Obviously. Wow. Don't go speed-dialing PETA.
2. Rex is going to take that guy's advice to mean, "I will find the most expensive gun in the world and decide that it's 'the one,' and I must have it because Grandpa Grouse in his basement told me that it's the best one." Well, clearly Grandpa Grouse has a more supportive wife then Rex does, because I am NOT shelling out $15k for his Guirini or whatever the junk that gun is called. I won't do it. #sorrynotsorry. I guess he should have married Grandpa Grouse's "supportive" wife.
At this point, I couldn't handle the video any more. I went back to grading papers. Rex stayed riveted to the screen. After about an hour I asked him, "Do you like your movie?" He said, "Yes! I am learning SO MUCH! This is seriously awesome!"
So clearly I must have missed all the educational parts while grading.
What a shame.
Maybe I'll go back and watch it later.
LOL.
Friday, January 1, 2016
2015 in Review
I meant to write a "Year in Review" post sometime this week, but (characteristic for 2015), that really didn't go as planned. So here I am on January 1, dragging a bit of 2015 into the new year with me. You know what, though? Maybe that isn't a bad thing. This is MY blog (and..,you know...MY life), so I can pick which pieces to bring with me into the new year. Those of you who know me well know that I have never been happier to kiss a year goodbye as I was for 2015. Actually, I didn't even kiss the year goodbye. I more said, "Don't let the door hit you on your way out. Heck, who am I kidding? I hope you fall down the stairs on your way out too." But that's just a personal issue between me and 2015. We didn't get along. I don't need to drag you down with our drama.
Despite 2015's insistence on trying to kill me, I came out on top. Look at all the fab things I did in 2015 that I am going to remember, I'm going to smile about, and I'm going to take with me going forward:
1. Traveling. I lost count of how many flights I took this year (somewhere in the area of fifteen) and how many hotel rooms I stayed in (somewhere around twenty). I've never done so much traveling as I did this year. I went to Asia and Europe for FREE with grants I earned to study their education systems. I was treated like an absolute princess on both continents. I learned a lot of things. SO many things. I would say "all the things," but one of the things I learned is that I'll never know all the things (boo!). Traveling is good for people. It should be a prerequisite for adulting. As for domestic travel, I went to North and South Carolina for spring break with my in-laws (let's just pause here for a moment and consider what percentage of people would voluntarily CHOOSE to spend a week straight with their in-laws? Mmmhmm. Not many. Mine are pretty fab). Also, I did a New England trip with my mom at the end of the summer. I went to my cousin's wedding in Wisconsin. It was a travel-heavy year. I am now only missing FOUR states in my quest to complete "50 by 30," seeing all fifty states by my thirtieth birthday. I have just over three years to go...I think I can make it. My mom did it, so I'm hoping I can too. America really is a beautiful country. I'm happy to think of how much of it I've seen. So, so many memories. I'm really lucky when it comes to traveling.
2. Finished my math minor. For the past six years, I've been one class away from finishing my math minor at MSU. This year my school asked me to teach upper-level math in addition to English, so I asked if they would please pay for me to finish the minor. That way I'd be highly qualified in both of my subject areas. They agreed. Therefore I enrolled in Calculus II (eeek!) and buckled up for a wild ride. It was five hours a week of class, plus a few hours a week on homework. Let me tell you, I've studied for a lot of classes, and this one took nothing less than my "A Game." It kicked my butt, but I kicked back harder. My teacher was a bit nutty (correct?), and he didn't particularly like women (all two of us in the class...), but I made it. I also scored higher than most of the men in the class, so HA. Calculus conquered. Minor on my transcript. More job opportunities opened for me. Most importantly (to me), I finished what I started.
3. Writing. I wrote a lot this year. I do a lot of writing here, on this paltry blog that has basically no followers (hello, you three!), but I don't feel like I can abandon it because I've grown to love this little corner of cyberspace. It's not popular, but it's mine. I started a new blog for my international travels and acquired some attention there. I wrote on that blog almost daily, which is great because I'll have those memories forever. I got published in a few other magazines this year, small gigs, and I finished off the year this December by sweeping every category in a community writing competition (not going to lie...that felt pretty good). I'm no J.K. Rowling or Sophie Kinsella (who I met this year!), but I have fun. And really...isn't that the point of a hobby? To have fun?
I also started venturing slowly into poetry as a genre. I've never really loved poetry. I've seen it as something thirteen-year-old girls do when the boy they like talked to another girl and they just have to get out all the feels onto paper. Junior high...so many feels. Turns out, writing poetry can actually be pretty fun. Also turns out, I don't totally suck at it. I don't think. My poem won the grand prize in the aforementioned competition, so there's that. The judges don't think I suck, AND the judge who announced it teared up when announcing how the judges all found the winning piece so "moving and beautiful." That made me feel pretty good. Excuse me while I go write poems about these feels.
4. Finally Made Headway on the Bible. Every year I put on my New Year's Resolution list that I'm going to read the Bible in a year. I never do. I get to about Leviticus and say, "Okay, this is way too confusing to read straight through. I'm out." This year, though, Rex and I decided to hold each other accountable and that we were both going to do it. Accountability makes a big difference. It makes a big difference, that is, until I get behind so I feel like I can't hold him accountable, and he is also behind, so then we sheepishly don't ask each other about it for weeks because we're both ashamed about not doing our readings. Arrrgh! After a few spans like this, I think we're back on track. I didn't actually finish the whole Bible this year, but I'm more than halfway there. I left Leviticus behind loooooong ago. I also learned that some things in life don't need to have deadlines, and that the fact that I didn't finish by midnight last night is OKAY. I'm going to finish by this summer for sure, and I'm okay with that. I think God's okay with that too. I talk to Him a lot more this year than I did last year. This is probably also a good thing. Or definitely a good thing. Because the thing is, He's always listening. He WANTS a relationship with you (and me), but I do a pretty good job of stubbornly ignoring Him sometimes. Newsflash: that never goes well. I've (mostly) given up on doing that.
5. Student Successes. It's not like I'm a great teacher. I'm not. I just REALLY, REALLY love English. If I find a student who also loves English or could potentially love English in the future (so, uh...everyone), then I push them as hard as I can to be as successful as they can. This year I had four students publish novels (full-size novels - around 150 pages each. Look for them on Amazon.com next month). I had two students win prizes in the community literary competition. I had a student win a poetry competition and get published in a young writers' anthology. I know the successes are theirs, not mine, but there's this little piece of me that says, "They wouldn't have known about these opportunities or done these things without me challenging them." And really, their parents and even the students themselves have told me that, so I think I can take a teeny cut of the credit. Like, 2% credit. But that 2% is mine, and it makes me smile.
6. New Life Motto. I've lived a lot of my life for things to build my resume, and here's the thing: I've always had really good resumes. I spent all of high school building a resume for college, I spent all of college building a resume to get a good job, and I've spent all of my professional life building my resume to open even more doors (e.g. free trips to Europe and Asia). Those experiences are great. It's good to have a stellar resume. HOWEVER - my new life motto that occurred to me about a week ago was this: "If it goes on your resume, it's not what really matters in life." And this, my friends, is TRUTH. It's not to say that your professional and academic accomplishments don't matter. They do. They're just not what really matters. Relationships matter. Playing Pugopoly with your husband by the fire matters. Laughing because your new puppy is such a nutter matters. Tackling your sister with tears of joy when she surprises you by coming home for Christmas matters. Sword-fighting students with yardsticks at recess matters (okay fine, I admit that was actually in the middle of math class. But FUN matters!). Praying for God to help you make it through another day matters. Meatloaf on a Sunday afternoon matters. None of that will show up on a resume, but if you're only living for your resume, then you're missing out on your life. Your life cannot be reduced to a piece of paper. If it can, then you aren't living any sort of a life at all.
On that note, I think I'm ready to hit 2016 full-force. I'm not at all sure what this year will bring, what I'll be writing on December 31 for "2016 in Review," but I'm ready to turn the page and see what the next chapter has in store. See you in December, end-of-year me. I hope you have awesome things to say!
Despite 2015's insistence on trying to kill me, I came out on top. Look at all the fab things I did in 2015 that I am going to remember, I'm going to smile about, and I'm going to take with me going forward:
1. Traveling. I lost count of how many flights I took this year (somewhere in the area of fifteen) and how many hotel rooms I stayed in (somewhere around twenty). I've never done so much traveling as I did this year. I went to Asia and Europe for FREE with grants I earned to study their education systems. I was treated like an absolute princess on both continents. I learned a lot of things. SO many things. I would say "all the things," but one of the things I learned is that I'll never know all the things (boo!). Traveling is good for people. It should be a prerequisite for adulting. As for domestic travel, I went to North and South Carolina for spring break with my in-laws (let's just pause here for a moment and consider what percentage of people would voluntarily CHOOSE to spend a week straight with their in-laws? Mmmhmm. Not many. Mine are pretty fab). Also, I did a New England trip with my mom at the end of the summer. I went to my cousin's wedding in Wisconsin. It was a travel-heavy year. I am now only missing FOUR states in my quest to complete "50 by 30," seeing all fifty states by my thirtieth birthday. I have just over three years to go...I think I can make it. My mom did it, so I'm hoping I can too. America really is a beautiful country. I'm happy to think of how much of it I've seen. So, so many memories. I'm really lucky when it comes to traveling.
2. Finished my math minor. For the past six years, I've been one class away from finishing my math minor at MSU. This year my school asked me to teach upper-level math in addition to English, so I asked if they would please pay for me to finish the minor. That way I'd be highly qualified in both of my subject areas. They agreed. Therefore I enrolled in Calculus II (eeek!) and buckled up for a wild ride. It was five hours a week of class, plus a few hours a week on homework. Let me tell you, I've studied for a lot of classes, and this one took nothing less than my "A Game." It kicked my butt, but I kicked back harder. My teacher was a bit nutty (correct?), and he didn't particularly like women (all two of us in the class...), but I made it. I also scored higher than most of the men in the class, so HA. Calculus conquered. Minor on my transcript. More job opportunities opened for me. Most importantly (to me), I finished what I started.
3. Writing. I wrote a lot this year. I do a lot of writing here, on this paltry blog that has basically no followers (hello, you three!), but I don't feel like I can abandon it because I've grown to love this little corner of cyberspace. It's not popular, but it's mine. I started a new blog for my international travels and acquired some attention there. I wrote on that blog almost daily, which is great because I'll have those memories forever. I got published in a few other magazines this year, small gigs, and I finished off the year this December by sweeping every category in a community writing competition (not going to lie...that felt pretty good). I'm no J.K. Rowling or Sophie Kinsella (who I met this year!), but I have fun. And really...isn't that the point of a hobby? To have fun?
I also started venturing slowly into poetry as a genre. I've never really loved poetry. I've seen it as something thirteen-year-old girls do when the boy they like talked to another girl and they just have to get out all the feels onto paper. Junior high...so many feels. Turns out, writing poetry can actually be pretty fun. Also turns out, I don't totally suck at it. I don't think. My poem won the grand prize in the aforementioned competition, so there's that. The judges don't think I suck, AND the judge who announced it teared up when announcing how the judges all found the winning piece so "moving and beautiful." That made me feel pretty good. Excuse me while I go write poems about these feels.
4. Finally Made Headway on the Bible. Every year I put on my New Year's Resolution list that I'm going to read the Bible in a year. I never do. I get to about Leviticus and say, "Okay, this is way too confusing to read straight through. I'm out." This year, though, Rex and I decided to hold each other accountable and that we were both going to do it. Accountability makes a big difference. It makes a big difference, that is, until I get behind so I feel like I can't hold him accountable, and he is also behind, so then we sheepishly don't ask each other about it for weeks because we're both ashamed about not doing our readings. Arrrgh! After a few spans like this, I think we're back on track. I didn't actually finish the whole Bible this year, but I'm more than halfway there. I left Leviticus behind loooooong ago. I also learned that some things in life don't need to have deadlines, and that the fact that I didn't finish by midnight last night is OKAY. I'm going to finish by this summer for sure, and I'm okay with that. I think God's okay with that too. I talk to Him a lot more this year than I did last year. This is probably also a good thing. Or definitely a good thing. Because the thing is, He's always listening. He WANTS a relationship with you (and me), but I do a pretty good job of stubbornly ignoring Him sometimes. Newsflash: that never goes well. I've (mostly) given up on doing that.
5. Student Successes. It's not like I'm a great teacher. I'm not. I just REALLY, REALLY love English. If I find a student who also loves English or could potentially love English in the future (so, uh...everyone), then I push them as hard as I can to be as successful as they can. This year I had four students publish novels (full-size novels - around 150 pages each. Look for them on Amazon.com next month). I had two students win prizes in the community literary competition. I had a student win a poetry competition and get published in a young writers' anthology. I know the successes are theirs, not mine, but there's this little piece of me that says, "They wouldn't have known about these opportunities or done these things without me challenging them." And really, their parents and even the students themselves have told me that, so I think I can take a teeny cut of the credit. Like, 2% credit. But that 2% is mine, and it makes me smile.
6. New Life Motto. I've lived a lot of my life for things to build my resume, and here's the thing: I've always had really good resumes. I spent all of high school building a resume for college, I spent all of college building a resume to get a good job, and I've spent all of my professional life building my resume to open even more doors (e.g. free trips to Europe and Asia). Those experiences are great. It's good to have a stellar resume. HOWEVER - my new life motto that occurred to me about a week ago was this: "If it goes on your resume, it's not what really matters in life." And this, my friends, is TRUTH. It's not to say that your professional and academic accomplishments don't matter. They do. They're just not what really matters. Relationships matter. Playing Pugopoly with your husband by the fire matters. Laughing because your new puppy is such a nutter matters. Tackling your sister with tears of joy when she surprises you by coming home for Christmas matters. Sword-fighting students with yardsticks at recess matters (okay fine, I admit that was actually in the middle of math class. But FUN matters!). Praying for God to help you make it through another day matters. Meatloaf on a Sunday afternoon matters. None of that will show up on a resume, but if you're only living for your resume, then you're missing out on your life. Your life cannot be reduced to a piece of paper. If it can, then you aren't living any sort of a life at all.
On that note, I think I'm ready to hit 2016 full-force. I'm not at all sure what this year will bring, what I'll be writing on December 31 for "2016 in Review," but I'm ready to turn the page and see what the next chapter has in store. See you in December, end-of-year me. I hope you have awesome things to say!
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