I shoplifted for the first time today.
It was surprisingly easier than one might imagine. Stores always try to intimidate you with sensors and cameras and store associates walking around like suspicious police officers trying to catch you red handed, but shoplifting really isn't that difficult after all.
As a matter of fact, it is SO easy that I didn't even do it on purpose.
Rex and I were doing some grocery shopping yesterday, and Meijer was a madhouse due to all of the back-to-schoolers stocking up on last minute random crap that they are probably going to lose in a week anyway. We grabbed an advertisement to see what was on sale, and after looking through it I tossed it into our cart. We proceeded with our shopping, and we tried to go as quickly as possible so we could get out of there.
When we finished checking out, we walked out to the car and unloaded the groceries. Rex offered to take back the cart, and I said okay. He came back and handed me two notebooks, saying "Here - you left these under the Meijer ad." I froze, quickly scanning the area to see if anybody was chasing after me or if police cars were about to come screeching around the corner. I looked up at Rex and said, "Uhhh...I didn't pay for those...I must have forgotten they were under the ad." He asked how much they were, and I replied ten cents each (what a great sale, huh?). We figured Meijer probably wouldn't miss twenty cents in the grand scheme of things, and we decided to just go home.
As we started to pull away from our crime scene of a parking space, I started second guessing. "Rex, I can't just TAKE the notebooks. It's stealing! I am a criminal! They will come after me! Or, even if they don't, I will just be a REAL SHOPLIFTER for life! I can't handle this!!!" He joked, "Yeah, and you would probably fail the classes that you used those notebooks for, because they are stolen goods and you cannot succeed when you are a thief." Exactly. So I made him turn around so I could go pay for the notebooks. We got back to the door, and he handed them to me. He reminded me to take some money to pay for them, and I grabbed a quarter off of the floor of my car. I walked in, feeling like I was making the number one mistake of any criminal: returning to the scene of the crime. The greeter said something along the lines of "Hi," but I know they KNEW. They had this look in their eye...oh yes, THEY KNEW. I sheepishly sidled over to the self checkout, too embarrassed to admit what had happened to an actual store employee. I paid my twenty cents (twenty one cents with tax) in the least expensive self checkout transaction ever. Then I confidently strolled out of the store with my name cleared and my notebooks legitimized.
And that, my friends, is my shoplifting story. I live on the EDGE.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
This is the life
I need to write a short post to mention how AWESOME Rex and I's new apartment is! We already dread moving. We sit on our patio every night and watch the sun set over the lake that our back yard leads into. I even went kayaking on it a couple days ago! I get to cook dinner in our MASSIVE kitchen, where when I look out the window I have a view of our willow tree and usually a few ducks swimming around. After dinner, Rex and I get to go fishing approximately 10 steps away from our patio door. After fishing, we come back inside and play with our new eight week old kitten Elsie.
To quote something Rex has been saying since high school:
"Could life get any better? I submit that it could not."
To quote something Rex has been saying since high school:
"Could life get any better? I submit that it could not."
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Things I hate
I have decided something I must add to my list of things I hate. It is a pretty short list, which until now included:
1. Seafood
2. Calculus
3. University of Michigan
But NOW I am adding something else!
4. Moving
It takes FOREVER and it is EXHAUSTING and things BREAK and/or get LOST!!!
Luckily we had Rex's family to help us out (his brothers are super strong), and everything got done okay. It is a frustrating process, and it is not one that I am looking forward to repeating nine months from now. Blah.
At least our new apartment is awesome! More on that later...I have to go finish unpacking.
1. Seafood
2. Calculus
3. University of Michigan
But NOW I am adding something else!
4. Moving
It takes FOREVER and it is EXHAUSTING and things BREAK and/or get LOST!!!
Luckily we had Rex's family to help us out (his brothers are super strong), and everything got done okay. It is a frustrating process, and it is not one that I am looking forward to repeating nine months from now. Blah.
At least our new apartment is awesome! More on that later...I have to go finish unpacking.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Craigslist Capers
I am not sure who invented Craigslist (presumably someone named Craig), but I am very happy with them. Rex and I have outfitted our apartment with a complete set of furniture between family donations, garage sales, and craigslist. Most of the furniture came from craigslist. Rex and I just finished getting all of our furniture, and it was a crazy evening of craigslist shenanigans. Obviously, a blog post was in order.
We had three stops on our craigslist of Kalamazoo tour. We were looking for a dresser, a couch/loveseat set, and a desk, and we had appointments scheduled at three places to look at potential furniture pieces.
Stop #1 was to look at the dresser. We were meeting with a man named "Rusty" at his house. We showed up and he walked out to meet us on his back porch (I didn't even see him at first). He invited us inside his dimly lit house to go look at the dresser. We walked in, and in the expanse that served as his living room/kitchen/dining room there was a hole about three feet in diameter in the very center of the room. He said, "the dresser is downstairs," and pointed to the hole. I walked toward the hole cautiously, suspecting my imminent death, and down in the hole was the tiniest, most tightly wound spiral staircase I have ever seen. If you removed the creepiness factor, it would have been awesome! We wound our way down to the basement (he should really just install a fireman's pole), and we found the dresser we had come to see. Unfortunately, the drawers were too small to hold our avalanche of clothes, so we did not make the purchase. We twisted back up the stairs and were on to stop number 2.
Stop #2 was to look at the couch and love seat set. The ad said that the set was only $25 ($25!!!), and we had decided that if it was in any sort of good condition at all, we would take it. Couches and love seats are EXPENSIVE, and we had discussed wanting a matching set if we could ever afford it. We drove up to the house (it was very nice and in a good part of town), and I noticed a little girl about ten years old staring at us out the window. She called to someone behind her, and another girl's face popped in. They both stared intently at Rex and I, which was sort of awkward because we were only about ten feet away. I waved apprehensively, and they waved back as enthusiastically as if we were their long lost best friends. Rex knocked on the door, and mayhem broke loose. We heard the girls start screaming and dogs start barking. It sounded as if everyone was running around the house at once. We gave each other a look that said, "Oh my goodness; what have we gotten ourselves into!?" No one answered the door. Everyone just kept running and screaming and barking. Eventually a man's voice was added to the mix. Rex and I were still standing awkwardly on the porch, wondering what to do, when finally the door opened about two inches. A man tried to peek his face through to look at us (we only got to see about one eye) and said, "Hold on. We are trying to put the dogs away," then he promptly shut the door again. Rex and I exchanged another meaningful glance, and although leaving crossed my mind I decided I would stay and face almost anything for $25 furniture. When the man opened the door again, he was totally friendly: "HI! COME ON IN!" We stepped in and saw the offending dogs to our left (a pair of sorry faced basset hounds), and we made our way down a normal, non-threatening staircase to see the furniture set. The two little girls followed us down. After a one second examination of the furniture, I knew we would be taking it with us. It was BEAUTIFUL! A matching set, exactly what we wanted, with matching throw pillows as well! The dad said that they got new furniture and he just wanted the old stuff out of the house asap. Judging by the house, he did not need the money, and that is why they were so inexpensive. Rex and I gave each other a quick nod of agreement, and I said "We'll take it!" The dad smiled, pleased, and he and Rex began to move the loveseat. The girl said, "Wait! They're taking our furniture?!" And the dad said, "Yeah, honey, we got new furniture. Remember?" She looked forlorn for about a second, and I started to feel guilty. Then she changed her mind and looked completely excited. She piped up, "Cool! We'll help!" then she and her friend grabbed the throw pillows and started running to take them upstairs. As I was helping, she said, "What's your name? I'm Grace. This is Makayla. We are in fifth grade. We aren't sisters, but she lives down the street. Put us together and there's always double trouble!" They ran outside with the pillows, and when Rex and Mr. Sofa Guy brought the love seat upstairs, the girls plopped down on it. Grace looked around and said, "Whoa. This is awkward. I am sitting on my couch in my front yard! COOL! Do you have any pets?" I told her that I have rats. When she wrinkled her nose, I told her that rats are cool. I also started telling her about some of the other pets that my family has had in the past. When I told her about keeping baby ducks for a week until they could move to the farm, she said, "Cool! Just like how people need to live at home until they are on their own! Like, if I was a baby duck, I would come live in your bathtub. Then, when I was old enough, I would move to the farm!" Yes, Grace. Very good. As the furniture got packed away, Grace came up and said, "Can I have your address so I can come visit the furniture at your house?" I explained that my "house" is in Lansing, so it would be tough for her to come visit. I told her that I would send her a picture of it all settled in its new home once we moved, though, and she seemed satisfied by that. As one last thing before we left, the girls explained to me how to use the throw pillows to make a comfy bed for someone if I ever have a sleepover. The size of the "bed" was about the size of a five year old, but I guess if I ever have a kindergartner over, they will have a place to sleep.
Stop #3, our last stop, was to go look at a desk. We put the address in our GPS, and when we arrived there were FOUR houses next to each other with the exact same address. The doors had different numbers on them, 1-4, but all of the addresses on the mailbox were the same (4576). This is bizarre, and I have never seen it before. Rex and I looked confusedly at the four houses, and we concluded that we might as well make our best guess to see if someone has the desk. Two houses looked like no one was home, one of them has a frilly pink goose by the door (we were looking for man), so we decided to go for door #4. We knocked on the door and got no response. When we were about to walk away, thinking Door #4 was srike #1, a large african american man walked to the door, putting his shirt on. He was pulling a polo on with his basketball shorts, which makes me think that it is very possible he was not wearing clothes at the time that we knocked on his door. We asked about the desk, but he had never heard of it. Oops. We thanked him for his time and walked away. We decided to try the only other house that looked occupied; door number three. We knocked, and a tall scrawny man with a beard answered the door. "You're here about the desk!," he said, and we breathed a sigh of relief. He took us upstairs to look at the desk, and we really liked it. We agreed to buy it, and we walked back downstairs. They had a REALLY cute dog (a chihuahua papillion mix), and I asked what its name was. The man looked at his wife and said, "I don't know. What's the dog's name?" She said, "Umm...I forgot." He looked at us and said, "Do you guys want it? We don't even like it." SAD!! The dog was so cute and friendly and nice! I totally DID want the dog, but Rex and I know we can't have one right now. Plus, Rex hates chihuahuas, even if they are just a mix. So we left nameless dog with its hostile family and just took the desk.
That is our Craigslist shenanigans. Now we have all our furniture. Bring on East Lansing!
We had three stops on our craigslist of Kalamazoo tour. We were looking for a dresser, a couch/loveseat set, and a desk, and we had appointments scheduled at three places to look at potential furniture pieces.
Stop #1 was to look at the dresser. We were meeting with a man named "Rusty" at his house. We showed up and he walked out to meet us on his back porch (I didn't even see him at first). He invited us inside his dimly lit house to go look at the dresser. We walked in, and in the expanse that served as his living room/kitchen/dining room there was a hole about three feet in diameter in the very center of the room. He said, "the dresser is downstairs," and pointed to the hole. I walked toward the hole cautiously, suspecting my imminent death, and down in the hole was the tiniest, most tightly wound spiral staircase I have ever seen. If you removed the creepiness factor, it would have been awesome! We wound our way down to the basement (he should really just install a fireman's pole), and we found the dresser we had come to see. Unfortunately, the drawers were too small to hold our avalanche of clothes, so we did not make the purchase. We twisted back up the stairs and were on to stop number 2.
Stop #2 was to look at the couch and love seat set. The ad said that the set was only $25 ($25!!!), and we had decided that if it was in any sort of good condition at all, we would take it. Couches and love seats are EXPENSIVE, and we had discussed wanting a matching set if we could ever afford it. We drove up to the house (it was very nice and in a good part of town), and I noticed a little girl about ten years old staring at us out the window. She called to someone behind her, and another girl's face popped in. They both stared intently at Rex and I, which was sort of awkward because we were only about ten feet away. I waved apprehensively, and they waved back as enthusiastically as if we were their long lost best friends. Rex knocked on the door, and mayhem broke loose. We heard the girls start screaming and dogs start barking. It sounded as if everyone was running around the house at once. We gave each other a look that said, "Oh my goodness; what have we gotten ourselves into!?" No one answered the door. Everyone just kept running and screaming and barking. Eventually a man's voice was added to the mix. Rex and I were still standing awkwardly on the porch, wondering what to do, when finally the door opened about two inches. A man tried to peek his face through to look at us (we only got to see about one eye) and said, "Hold on. We are trying to put the dogs away," then he promptly shut the door again. Rex and I exchanged another meaningful glance, and although leaving crossed my mind I decided I would stay and face almost anything for $25 furniture. When the man opened the door again, he was totally friendly: "HI! COME ON IN!" We stepped in and saw the offending dogs to our left (a pair of sorry faced basset hounds), and we made our way down a normal, non-threatening staircase to see the furniture set. The two little girls followed us down. After a one second examination of the furniture, I knew we would be taking it with us. It was BEAUTIFUL! A matching set, exactly what we wanted, with matching throw pillows as well! The dad said that they got new furniture and he just wanted the old stuff out of the house asap. Judging by the house, he did not need the money, and that is why they were so inexpensive. Rex and I gave each other a quick nod of agreement, and I said "We'll take it!" The dad smiled, pleased, and he and Rex began to move the loveseat. The girl said, "Wait! They're taking our furniture?!" And the dad said, "Yeah, honey, we got new furniture. Remember?" She looked forlorn for about a second, and I started to feel guilty. Then she changed her mind and looked completely excited. She piped up, "Cool! We'll help!" then she and her friend grabbed the throw pillows and started running to take them upstairs. As I was helping, she said, "What's your name? I'm Grace. This is Makayla. We are in fifth grade. We aren't sisters, but she lives down the street. Put us together and there's always double trouble!" They ran outside with the pillows, and when Rex and Mr. Sofa Guy brought the love seat upstairs, the girls plopped down on it. Grace looked around and said, "Whoa. This is awkward. I am sitting on my couch in my front yard! COOL! Do you have any pets?" I told her that I have rats. When she wrinkled her nose, I told her that rats are cool. I also started telling her about some of the other pets that my family has had in the past. When I told her about keeping baby ducks for a week until they could move to the farm, she said, "Cool! Just like how people need to live at home until they are on their own! Like, if I was a baby duck, I would come live in your bathtub. Then, when I was old enough, I would move to the farm!" Yes, Grace. Very good. As the furniture got packed away, Grace came up and said, "Can I have your address so I can come visit the furniture at your house?" I explained that my "house" is in Lansing, so it would be tough for her to come visit. I told her that I would send her a picture of it all settled in its new home once we moved, though, and she seemed satisfied by that. As one last thing before we left, the girls explained to me how to use the throw pillows to make a comfy bed for someone if I ever have a sleepover. The size of the "bed" was about the size of a five year old, but I guess if I ever have a kindergartner over, they will have a place to sleep.
Stop #3, our last stop, was to go look at a desk. We put the address in our GPS, and when we arrived there were FOUR houses next to each other with the exact same address. The doors had different numbers on them, 1-4, but all of the addresses on the mailbox were the same (4576). This is bizarre, and I have never seen it before. Rex and I looked confusedly at the four houses, and we concluded that we might as well make our best guess to see if someone has the desk. Two houses looked like no one was home, one of them has a frilly pink goose by the door (we were looking for man), so we decided to go for door #4. We knocked on the door and got no response. When we were about to walk away, thinking Door #4 was srike #1, a large african american man walked to the door, putting his shirt on. He was pulling a polo on with his basketball shorts, which makes me think that it is very possible he was not wearing clothes at the time that we knocked on his door. We asked about the desk, but he had never heard of it. Oops. We thanked him for his time and walked away. We decided to try the only other house that looked occupied; door number three. We knocked, and a tall scrawny man with a beard answered the door. "You're here about the desk!," he said, and we breathed a sigh of relief. He took us upstairs to look at the desk, and we really liked it. We agreed to buy it, and we walked back downstairs. They had a REALLY cute dog (a chihuahua papillion mix), and I asked what its name was. The man looked at his wife and said, "I don't know. What's the dog's name?" She said, "Umm...I forgot." He looked at us and said, "Do you guys want it? We don't even like it." SAD!! The dog was so cute and friendly and nice! I totally DID want the dog, but Rex and I know we can't have one right now. Plus, Rex hates chihuahuas, even if they are just a mix. So we left nameless dog with its hostile family and just took the desk.
That is our Craigslist shenanigans. Now we have all our furniture. Bring on East Lansing!
Thursday, August 12, 2010
The Farm
Rex and I just got back from camping at his grandparents' farm, and now we are getting ready to move out of our first apartment! I am so sad about that.
The farm was a blast, though. I loved it. After Rex had been talking it up for four years, I really wasn't sure that it would live up to the hype. Fortunately, it far surpassed my expectations.
May I first clarify, though, that "the farm" is not actually a farm. I have no idea whatsoever on why they call it that. There are no farm animals, and there are no fields to till. There is no farm. There is, however, a lovely vegetable garden and eighty acres of woods to hike through. That is, somehow, a farm. Hmmm...
My favorite part of the farm is that I have decided it is magical. Somehow, when you are at the farm, time stops and nothing else matters except for what is going on at that very moment. It puts things into perspective and makes you realize what is actually important in life and what is never going to matter. I think a big part of this is Rex's grandparents. They are AMAZING. If I can be half that cool when I am their age, I will have a successful life. It is weird, though, because this weekend severely challenged my definition of "success." The Webb grandparents are SO happy with their lives and have a completely fantastic existence out on the farm. If I could move there right now and live there forever, I would. Seriously. And while I would classify them as "highly successful," the world probably would not. They live in the city they grew up in, Grandpa never graduated from high school, and neither one of them graduated from college. They are not fantastically wealthy, but they have enough to get by and don't really need any more. They have never really traveled - Grandma said that the only trip she ever went on was to New York City once on her senior trip. Yet, despite lacking these things that society tells you that you "need" to be happy, they are completely joyful and fulfilled. I mentioned that to Rex, and he (because he is so wise) said, "Of course they are, because they know that love is all that matters in life. Love for God, love for your family, love for each other. If you have that, nothing else is really going to matter." He is right. He is TOTALLY right. Life is based on love (not just romantic love, but all types of love), and it sort of makes everything else look quaint in comparison. People can run around traveling and trying to accumulate more and more money and degrees and experiences, but ultimately, without love it is all going to come up empty. It says so in 1 Corinthians 13:2. "IF I HAVE THE GIFT OF PROPHECY AND CAN FATHOM ALL
MYSTERIES AND ALL KNOWLEDGE, AND IF I HAVE A FAITH
THAT CAN MOVE MOUNTAINS, BUT HAVE NOT LOVE, I AM
NOTHING."
Rex and I had a BLAST throwing rocks into a creek, walking along trails, and just sitting under the stars and talking by the fire. There was no facebook, e-mails, cell phones, or other distractions to get in the way. It was just...life. The way it was meant to be lived: simple and happy.
The farm was a blast, though. I loved it. After Rex had been talking it up for four years, I really wasn't sure that it would live up to the hype. Fortunately, it far surpassed my expectations.
May I first clarify, though, that "the farm" is not actually a farm. I have no idea whatsoever on why they call it that. There are no farm animals, and there are no fields to till. There is no farm. There is, however, a lovely vegetable garden and eighty acres of woods to hike through. That is, somehow, a farm. Hmmm...
My favorite part of the farm is that I have decided it is magical. Somehow, when you are at the farm, time stops and nothing else matters except for what is going on at that very moment. It puts things into perspective and makes you realize what is actually important in life and what is never going to matter. I think a big part of this is Rex's grandparents. They are AMAZING. If I can be half that cool when I am their age, I will have a successful life. It is weird, though, because this weekend severely challenged my definition of "success." The Webb grandparents are SO happy with their lives and have a completely fantastic existence out on the farm. If I could move there right now and live there forever, I would. Seriously. And while I would classify them as "highly successful," the world probably would not. They live in the city they grew up in, Grandpa never graduated from high school, and neither one of them graduated from college. They are not fantastically wealthy, but they have enough to get by and don't really need any more. They have never really traveled - Grandma said that the only trip she ever went on was to New York City once on her senior trip. Yet, despite lacking these things that society tells you that you "need" to be happy, they are completely joyful and fulfilled. I mentioned that to Rex, and he (because he is so wise) said, "Of course they are, because they know that love is all that matters in life. Love for God, love for your family, love for each other. If you have that, nothing else is really going to matter." He is right. He is TOTALLY right. Life is based on love (not just romantic love, but all types of love), and it sort of makes everything else look quaint in comparison. People can run around traveling and trying to accumulate more and more money and degrees and experiences, but ultimately, without love it is all going to come up empty. It says so in 1 Corinthians 13:2. "IF I HAVE THE GIFT OF PROPHECY AND CAN FATHOM ALL
MYSTERIES AND ALL KNOWLEDGE, AND IF I HAVE A FAITH
THAT CAN MOVE MOUNTAINS, BUT HAVE NOT LOVE, I AM
NOTHING."
Rex and I had a BLAST throwing rocks into a creek, walking along trails, and just sitting under the stars and talking by the fire. There was no facebook, e-mails, cell phones, or other distractions to get in the way. It was just...life. The way it was meant to be lived: simple and happy.
Kalamazoo Kings Kraziness
Today I took Rex on a surprise date to a Kalamazoo Kings baseball game. It was SO FUN! I surprised him by hiding in the bed of his truck, and then when he came out of work and started up his truck to drive away, I jumped out and nearly gave him a heart attack. Ha ha!!
We grabbed a Hot and Ready pizza from Little Caesars and began heading toward the baseball field. When we arrived, the game was already in the third inning. We had a great time hanging out and watching some good baseball. Here are some highlights for you:
A few seats down from us, a foreign couple was sitting and enjoying the baseball game. I would be more descriptive on the origin of their foreign-ness if I could, but they were just weird. Their place of origin could be Venus for all I know. Anyway, the wife/girlfriend person/alien was sitting down for the whole game, twiddling her fingers in a way that made me think maybe she accidentally left her knitting needles back on the mothership or something. The man, however, was INTO the baseball game. He was on his feet, clapping awkwardly and dancing for most of the game. Picture this: a man of unknown ethnicity with buck teeth standing in that weird way that appears as though he is trying to tuck his butt up into his stomach. He was wearing shorts up to his belly button, a collared polo buttoned all the way up to his neck, nerd glasses, and something that may have been a baseball cap in a past life. He was dancing with his arms waving around wildly about his head and his hands balled tightly in fists. He was doing a weird pelvic thrust reminiscent of John Travolta, and the whole thing was entirely frightening. Also, whenever a batter came up to hit, the man would scream, "Here kitty kitty!!!!" Explain that one to me. If there was ever a boring moment in the game, Rex and I turned to watch this couple.
A few seats in front of us, there was a woman who was at the game for...some reason. Rex and I couldn't figure out why, though. She read a book the entire time, never looking up to check the score or to see what people were cheering madly about. She looked utterly bored. As the game entered the tenth inning and everyone was on the edge of their seats, she looked like she wanted to go home. As the game entered the eleventh inning, she finished her book. She put it down and looked around, panicked, for something else to do. HEAVEN FORBID she would actually have to watch the baseball game! Luckily there was a Kalamazoo Gazette nearby, and she picked it up, turned to whatever section was least boring in her opinion, and retreated away from the "incapacitating boredom" of a tied baseball game in the eleventh inning.
Down by the fence, there was a man who was the opposite of this woman. He was ENTIRELY into the baseball game. He had the fence in a death grip as he paid attention to that game as if the world was going to end if there was one more strikeout. He was wearing a team jersey and an American flag bandana around his head. He would frequently try to engage the crowd in a rousing chorus of "LET'S GO KINGS!!!" When there was a questionable call, he would turn to the crowd, murderously angry, and shout, "DOES ANYONE HAVE A ROCKET??? I WILL SET IT OFF AND THEN BOOM!!!!" I wanted to say, "Oh yes! I did happen to bring a rocket! I always keep one in my purse for just such occasions!"
The game was a blast (no pun intended on the rocket thing), the Kings won in the bottom of the eleventh, and Rex and I drove home eating cold pizza while we rocked out to country music with the windows down. Perfect summer night.
We grabbed a Hot and Ready pizza from Little Caesars and began heading toward the baseball field. When we arrived, the game was already in the third inning. We had a great time hanging out and watching some good baseball. Here are some highlights for you:
A few seats down from us, a foreign couple was sitting and enjoying the baseball game. I would be more descriptive on the origin of their foreign-ness if I could, but they were just weird. Their place of origin could be Venus for all I know. Anyway, the wife/girlfriend person/alien was sitting down for the whole game, twiddling her fingers in a way that made me think maybe she accidentally left her knitting needles back on the mothership or something. The man, however, was INTO the baseball game. He was on his feet, clapping awkwardly and dancing for most of the game. Picture this: a man of unknown ethnicity with buck teeth standing in that weird way that appears as though he is trying to tuck his butt up into his stomach. He was wearing shorts up to his belly button, a collared polo buttoned all the way up to his neck, nerd glasses, and something that may have been a baseball cap in a past life. He was dancing with his arms waving around wildly about his head and his hands balled tightly in fists. He was doing a weird pelvic thrust reminiscent of John Travolta, and the whole thing was entirely frightening. Also, whenever a batter came up to hit, the man would scream, "Here kitty kitty!!!!" Explain that one to me. If there was ever a boring moment in the game, Rex and I turned to watch this couple.
A few seats in front of us, there was a woman who was at the game for...some reason. Rex and I couldn't figure out why, though. She read a book the entire time, never looking up to check the score or to see what people were cheering madly about. She looked utterly bored. As the game entered the tenth inning and everyone was on the edge of their seats, she looked like she wanted to go home. As the game entered the eleventh inning, she finished her book. She put it down and looked around, panicked, for something else to do. HEAVEN FORBID she would actually have to watch the baseball game! Luckily there was a Kalamazoo Gazette nearby, and she picked it up, turned to whatever section was least boring in her opinion, and retreated away from the "incapacitating boredom" of a tied baseball game in the eleventh inning.
Down by the fence, there was a man who was the opposite of this woman. He was ENTIRELY into the baseball game. He had the fence in a death grip as he paid attention to that game as if the world was going to end if there was one more strikeout. He was wearing a team jersey and an American flag bandana around his head. He would frequently try to engage the crowd in a rousing chorus of "LET'S GO KINGS!!!" When there was a questionable call, he would turn to the crowd, murderously angry, and shout, "DOES ANYONE HAVE A ROCKET??? I WILL SET IT OFF AND THEN BOOM!!!!" I wanted to say, "Oh yes! I did happen to bring a rocket! I always keep one in my purse for just such occasions!"
The game was a blast (no pun intended on the rocket thing), the Kings won in the bottom of the eleventh, and Rex and I drove home eating cold pizza while we rocked out to country music with the windows down. Perfect summer night.
Koopsen Communism
This is a post about family and politics. "Koopsen" is Rex's mom's maiden name, so most of his cousins on his mom's side have the last name Koopsen. I was inspired to write this blog after hanging out with Rex, his cousin Danielle and her daughter Lorelai (who is 2 and a half), and his cousins Dorothy and Carly (who are six and five respectively, I believe). We all went for a walk on a nature trail close to the "Koopsen Commune" (more on this later), and we had a total blast playing with the little girls in the creek, watching them play on the playground, and walking around just enjoying nature in general.
It made me realize how important family is in life, and it also made me realize how much the Communist theory of government would actually work if everyone in America (or any other potentially communist country) would treat each other the way the Koopsens do. Don't judge me yet - just hear me out.
Rex's mom has four brothers and sisters, and all but one of them live within two or three miles of each other in Portage. Two of her brothers built an apartment complex, and they both built their houses there. Her parents live in that same apartment complex, Rex's parents live about a mile away, and her little sister lives another mile away. Pretty much everyone convenes to hang out in the apartment complex, hereby referred to as the "Koopsen Commune" because so many Koopsens live there. The whole family lives practically together, with cousins being best friends and constantly gathering for meals with the extended family. This is way cool.
The reason that this relates to communism is because the Koopsen family shares EVERYTHING. Rex's Uncle Bill has a fishing boat, and Rex and his brothers can use it anytime (and frequently do). Dorothy will walk over to Uncle Ade's and jump on the trampoline whenever she wants. Joey will bring his chicken's eggs over to Grandpa and Grandma Koopsen's house so that they have fresh eggs for breakfast. Michelle (Rex's sister) is borrowing Uncle Bill's trailer next week to cart her stuff to Boston, and Rex and I are using it the week after that to move to Lansing. This summer Uncle Ade gave Rex and I a truck to use because it was "just sitting there." A couple families have campers, and they are always trading them around so that other people can use them.
Do you see what I mean? The family shares everything. The idea behind communism is that everyone would share the goods produced by the masses; everyone does their share and everyone reaps the benefits. This is what the Koopsens do. The reason that communism would never work on a large scale is that people are, by nature, selfish. They want to look out for themselves instead of looking out for the greater good of the group. I really feel like the Koopsen family all looks out for the greater good of each other, though, and no one looks at who might be contributing the most or least. It doesn't matter. They just share things as an extended family, and support each other in any way they can - no questions asked. It is inspiring. It makes me want to be communist a little bit...but only if everyone in America was a Koopsen.
It made me realize how important family is in life, and it also made me realize how much the Communist theory of government would actually work if everyone in America (or any other potentially communist country) would treat each other the way the Koopsens do. Don't judge me yet - just hear me out.
Rex's mom has four brothers and sisters, and all but one of them live within two or three miles of each other in Portage. Two of her brothers built an apartment complex, and they both built their houses there. Her parents live in that same apartment complex, Rex's parents live about a mile away, and her little sister lives another mile away. Pretty much everyone convenes to hang out in the apartment complex, hereby referred to as the "Koopsen Commune" because so many Koopsens live there. The whole family lives practically together, with cousins being best friends and constantly gathering for meals with the extended family. This is way cool.
The reason that this relates to communism is because the Koopsen family shares EVERYTHING. Rex's Uncle Bill has a fishing boat, and Rex and his brothers can use it anytime (and frequently do). Dorothy will walk over to Uncle Ade's and jump on the trampoline whenever she wants. Joey will bring his chicken's eggs over to Grandpa and Grandma Koopsen's house so that they have fresh eggs for breakfast. Michelle (Rex's sister) is borrowing Uncle Bill's trailer next week to cart her stuff to Boston, and Rex and I are using it the week after that to move to Lansing. This summer Uncle Ade gave Rex and I a truck to use because it was "just sitting there." A couple families have campers, and they are always trading them around so that other people can use them.
Do you see what I mean? The family shares everything. The idea behind communism is that everyone would share the goods produced by the masses; everyone does their share and everyone reaps the benefits. This is what the Koopsens do. The reason that communism would never work on a large scale is that people are, by nature, selfish. They want to look out for themselves instead of looking out for the greater good of the group. I really feel like the Koopsen family all looks out for the greater good of each other, though, and no one looks at who might be contributing the most or least. It doesn't matter. They just share things as an extended family, and support each other in any way they can - no questions asked. It is inspiring. It makes me want to be communist a little bit...but only if everyone in America was a Koopsen.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Black Bear
Rex and I have come up with a new diabolical plan; it was conceived at Gander Mountain in the break room. Rex was eating the dinner that I brought for him (which, in my entirely not humble opinion, was delicious), and we were studying the full size black bear mount that they have in that room.
The bear mount is in the break room instead of out in the store because someone stole one of its claws (!!!!). Why someone would shoplift a bear claw I have no idea, but they did. So there is a black bear standing with his hands up and mouth open as if he is about to attack, and he gazes eerily upon all Gander Mountain employees trying to grab a second of relaxation. Rex and I were talking about it, and we decided that having a mounted black bear would be SO FUN! The possibilities for it are endless. We could stand it up outside someone's window so that they would freak out when they saw it. We could strap it to the top of our car and watch people's shocked faces as we drive down the highway with a presumably angry bear "clinging" to the top of the car. We could bring it camping with us and stand it up outside of our tent to scare away any unwanted intruders. We could even just use it as a garden gnome...I mean, who wants to look at a small cheery elf when you could be looking at an eight foot tall black bear?! The possibilities are endless. I don't know why we haven't thought of this before! We are going to name our bear "Rowdy" a la the television show "Scrubs." Life will be even more perfect than it is now, if that is possible. Then again, with a giant dead black bear anything is possible.
We were planning on going on a camping trip this weekend, but now maybe we should make it a hunting trip instead...we need a bear. You know what? Maybe we'll just steal the one from Gander Mountain. Surely they wouldn't notice us walking out with it. Ha ha!
The bear mount is in the break room instead of out in the store because someone stole one of its claws (!!!!). Why someone would shoplift a bear claw I have no idea, but they did. So there is a black bear standing with his hands up and mouth open as if he is about to attack, and he gazes eerily upon all Gander Mountain employees trying to grab a second of relaxation. Rex and I were talking about it, and we decided that having a mounted black bear would be SO FUN! The possibilities for it are endless. We could stand it up outside someone's window so that they would freak out when they saw it. We could strap it to the top of our car and watch people's shocked faces as we drive down the highway with a presumably angry bear "clinging" to the top of the car. We could bring it camping with us and stand it up outside of our tent to scare away any unwanted intruders. We could even just use it as a garden gnome...I mean, who wants to look at a small cheery elf when you could be looking at an eight foot tall black bear?! The possibilities are endless. I don't know why we haven't thought of this before! We are going to name our bear "Rowdy" a la the television show "Scrubs." Life will be even more perfect than it is now, if that is possible. Then again, with a giant dead black bear anything is possible.
We were planning on going on a camping trip this weekend, but now maybe we should make it a hunting trip instead...we need a bear. You know what? Maybe we'll just steal the one from Gander Mountain. Surely they wouldn't notice us walking out with it. Ha ha!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Sorry, Feminists
As I sit here sipping a glass of wine and waiting for my husband to get home, I can't help but think how many feminist groups would use my life choices as "Exhibit A" on what not to do.
I got married at twenty-one to my high school sweetheart before I had any sort of high-flying career or crazy drunken nights of "finding myself." I find my greatest joy in life doing what I am doing right now: sitting in my freshly cleaned apartment where all of the dishes are clean, the clothes are in the dryer, dinner is on the stove, and my make up and hair are done nicely to look pretty for Rex when he gets home from making money all day. My lifestyle right now could be an article ripped out of "Good Housekeeping - July 1956 Edition" I LOVE THIS LIFE. Sorry feminist groups; you may feel that I have failed in my duty as a woman to turn around this oppressive patriarchal society. I don't really care. You are doing enough crazy bra burning without my help.
I know this fifties-esque lifestyle isn't for everyone, and that's fine. People should be free to do whatever they want to. It is definitely for me, though. Golly gee - now if I could only find a sock hop to go to... :-)
I got married at twenty-one to my high school sweetheart before I had any sort of high-flying career or crazy drunken nights of "finding myself." I find my greatest joy in life doing what I am doing right now: sitting in my freshly cleaned apartment where all of the dishes are clean, the clothes are in the dryer, dinner is on the stove, and my make up and hair are done nicely to look pretty for Rex when he gets home from making money all day. My lifestyle right now could be an article ripped out of "Good Housekeeping - July 1956 Edition" I LOVE THIS LIFE. Sorry feminist groups; you may feel that I have failed in my duty as a woman to turn around this oppressive patriarchal society. I don't really care. You are doing enough crazy bra burning without my help.
I know this fifties-esque lifestyle isn't for everyone, and that's fine. People should be free to do whatever they want to. It is definitely for me, though. Golly gee - now if I could only find a sock hop to go to... :-)
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