I'm not pregnant, and I would really be okay with never being pregnant ever. A lot of my friends have decided to have kids recently, and GREAT for them. That's fabulous. It's a great excuse for me to buy baby clothes and throw fun parties. For some reason, though, a lot of my facebook/blogfriends have decided to share a little too much of their pregnancies with me. I think (think) that maybe pregnant women and new moms spend a lot of time showing various doctors and people a lot of private areas, so privacy isn't that big of a deal any more. I'm writing myself this letter just in case I ever get pregnant, so I can remind myself what's okay and what's not to share with my non-mom friends who really don't understand the pregnancy world:
Dear Me,
Okay, let's start this off with conceiving the baby. Your friends don't want to hear about it. They don't want to hear about the positions that work best for making children. They don't want to hear about "the night" that you think your baby was conceived. We all took sex ed - we know what happened. You don't have to elaborate.
Please don't post pictures online of any body parts that you would not normally post pictures of. People don't want to see your bare stomach, especially with pregnancy stretch marks. Stretch marks scare the non-moms into swearing off procreation. They don't want to see your boobs as you breast feed for the first time, because that whole situation is just foreign and weird. They don't want to see you parading around in a bra and underwear because you're "proud of your changing body." Don't get me wrong - it's great that you're comfortable with your changing body (although you're Christine, so let's be real - you probably won't be). It's just that your facebook friends don't want to see these things.
Maternity photos can be okay, as long as they don't break any of the aforementioned rules, and as long as they don't look like this: http://www.awkwardmaternityphotos.com/
I understand that lots of body changes take place during this "magical" time. You can get hemorrhoids, have horrible flatulence, have weird secretions, and a host of other unpleasant side effects. Your friends really, really don't want to hear about them. Actually, your doctor probably doesn't even want to hear about them, but at least they're getting paid to listen to your graphic descriptions.
Hospital pictures can be super cute, but could you please clean off your baby first? I know that you think your new baby is the cutest thing in the world (and you're Christine, so let's be real - it probably will be), but your friends don't want to see it all covered in placental goo like an alien. It takes away from the cute factor. Also, bloody hospital sheets are kind of gross. Bascially, if the picture could be in a horror film or a science fiction film, don't put it on your facebook.
This should get you off to a good start in your social media sharing of your new baby. Run all questionable elements by Rex, as his low gross-tolerance for lady issues will be a good thermometer of what can be shared. When in doubt, leave it out.
Good luck with the baby thing...
Christine
Monday, April 21, 2014
Thursday, April 17, 2014
SuperRex
Rex is so cool.
I mean, we all knew he was awesome, but last night I was so proud of him that I just have to blog-brag about it. Here's how the situation went down:
Rex was at a softball practice for a team that he's on with his brother Tom. Tom was up to bat, and when he swung the bat his toe got somehow stuck. His upper body twisted, but his lower body didn't. That's obviously not great. Rex was watching the ball, but then he noticed that Tom was on the ground. Eeek! The guys playing asked Tom if he was okay, but Tom just groaned. The guys started to crowd around him, and Rex ran out onto the field.
*cue triumphant superhero music*
Rex told the guys huddled around Thomas to move aside, and he bent down to look at Tom's leg. His kneecap had become completely dislocated and was on the side of his leg, causing obvious pain. The guys were going to call an ambulance, but because Rex is SO COOL, they didn't have to because Rex had the whole situation under control. He explained to Tom about the procedure he was about to do, then manually straightened out his leg (OW) and realigned the kneecap to its proper position. Whaaaaaat?? Who just knows how to do that!? My husband, that's who.
So Tom didn't have to go to the hospital and didn't even have to go to the doctor (cuz my husband is the doctor - wooot!), and as of this morning he could walk with minimal pain. Whoa! Why can't I have awesome skills like that? No one's ever going to be like, "This kid can't read - QUICK! WHERE'S A TEACHER?!?!"
Obviously I'm not glad that Tom got hurt, but I sure am glad that Rex was there to fix him. That night could have been much worse. None of the guys on the team knew Rex is getting his doctorate of physical therapy in May, though (besides Tom), so I'm sure they were all thinking, "What the heck is this guy doing?!" Ha ha. Rex is too humble sometimes, so I'll just brag for him. My husband rocks. I'm so proud to be Mrs. Webb.
I mean, we all knew he was awesome, but last night I was so proud of him that I just have to blog-brag about it. Here's how the situation went down:
Rex was at a softball practice for a team that he's on with his brother Tom. Tom was up to bat, and when he swung the bat his toe got somehow stuck. His upper body twisted, but his lower body didn't. That's obviously not great. Rex was watching the ball, but then he noticed that Tom was on the ground. Eeek! The guys playing asked Tom if he was okay, but Tom just groaned. The guys started to crowd around him, and Rex ran out onto the field.
*cue triumphant superhero music*
Rex told the guys huddled around Thomas to move aside, and he bent down to look at Tom's leg. His kneecap had become completely dislocated and was on the side of his leg, causing obvious pain. The guys were going to call an ambulance, but because Rex is SO COOL, they didn't have to because Rex had the whole situation under control. He explained to Tom about the procedure he was about to do, then manually straightened out his leg (OW) and realigned the kneecap to its proper position. Whaaaaaat?? Who just knows how to do that!? My husband, that's who.
So Tom didn't have to go to the hospital and didn't even have to go to the doctor (cuz my husband is the doctor - wooot!), and as of this morning he could walk with minimal pain. Whoa! Why can't I have awesome skills like that? No one's ever going to be like, "This kid can't read - QUICK! WHERE'S A TEACHER?!?!"
Obviously I'm not glad that Tom got hurt, but I sure am glad that Rex was there to fix him. That night could have been much worse. None of the guys on the team knew Rex is getting his doctorate of physical therapy in May, though (besides Tom), so I'm sure they were all thinking, "What the heck is this guy doing?!" Ha ha. Rex is too humble sometimes, so I'll just brag for him. My husband rocks. I'm so proud to be Mrs. Webb.
Friday, April 11, 2014
Crime-Free Campus
I've been on St. Olaf's campus less than twenty-four hours, and I'm already totally blown away. This campus is so strange, but in an awesome way. They all trust each other. Like, totally trust each other. Check out these facts that I wouldn't believe if I hadn't seen them myself:
1. No one locks their dorm rooms. Ever. Each door remains unlocked. For a comparison...at MSU we locked our laptops to our desks, and then also locked our dorm rooms. And I wasn't even just being paranoid...that's what everyone did.
2. Each student has a mailbox by the front desk, and none of them are locked.
3. When students go to the cafeteria, they leave their backpacks outside until they're done eating.
4. Erin had a test today, and the professors don't go to class on test days. They leave the tests, students pick them up and take them, and they're on the "honor system" to not cheat. When they're finished with the tests, they hand them in. That's it. No authority figures in the room at any point.
5. In the libraries and cafes, students frequently leave their laptops, purses, etc. on tables while they go walk around or even run back to their room to get something. I told Erin that's super strange, and she didn't get it. Why wouldn't people feel totally comfortable leaving their valuables out in the open around hundreds of college students?
6. There are community bathrooms on each floor, and each girl leaves her shower caddy with all of her shampoos, conditioners, loofahs, etc on the floor in the bathroom. When it's time to take a shower, she just grabs her caddy and uses it, then puts it back in the row with everyone else's.
6. We're going out to a fancy dinner tonight, and Erin couldn't find something to wear. She went into one of her friend's rooms (none of them are locked, remember?), and she grabbed a dress out of her closet. I was kind of surprised and said, "Shouldn't you ask...?" She replied, "No, all the girls on this floor just share clothes. We have an understanding about it, and we all use everyone else's stuff. It's like having one really huge closet! We just make sure everyone has their own stuff back at the end of the semester." Oh, okay. Because that's totally normal...
7. I asked Erin if there was ever any crime on campus. She said, "Not crime, exactly.....but campus security did send an e-mail warning us to be on the lookout for feral cats...." Stray cats are the biggest problem on this campus. WHOA - get me out of this unsafe location!
It's a really cool community...one that I would have bet doesn't exist on college campuses anymore. I hope it stays like that...but I also hope that the students don't think that real life is like that, because unfortunately, it isn't. :-(
1. No one locks their dorm rooms. Ever. Each door remains unlocked. For a comparison...at MSU we locked our laptops to our desks, and then also locked our dorm rooms. And I wasn't even just being paranoid...that's what everyone did.
2. Each student has a mailbox by the front desk, and none of them are locked.
3. When students go to the cafeteria, they leave their backpacks outside until they're done eating.
4. Erin had a test today, and the professors don't go to class on test days. They leave the tests, students pick them up and take them, and they're on the "honor system" to not cheat. When they're finished with the tests, they hand them in. That's it. No authority figures in the room at any point.
5. In the libraries and cafes, students frequently leave their laptops, purses, etc. on tables while they go walk around or even run back to their room to get something. I told Erin that's super strange, and she didn't get it. Why wouldn't people feel totally comfortable leaving their valuables out in the open around hundreds of college students?
6. There are community bathrooms on each floor, and each girl leaves her shower caddy with all of her shampoos, conditioners, loofahs, etc on the floor in the bathroom. When it's time to take a shower, she just grabs her caddy and uses it, then puts it back in the row with everyone else's.
6. We're going out to a fancy dinner tonight, and Erin couldn't find something to wear. She went into one of her friend's rooms (none of them are locked, remember?), and she grabbed a dress out of her closet. I was kind of surprised and said, "Shouldn't you ask...?" She replied, "No, all the girls on this floor just share clothes. We have an understanding about it, and we all use everyone else's stuff. It's like having one really huge closet! We just make sure everyone has their own stuff back at the end of the semester." Oh, okay. Because that's totally normal...
7. I asked Erin if there was ever any crime on campus. She said, "Not crime, exactly.....but campus security did send an e-mail warning us to be on the lookout for feral cats...." Stray cats are the biggest problem on this campus. WHOA - get me out of this unsafe location!
It's a really cool community...one that I would have bet doesn't exist on college campuses anymore. I hope it stays like that...but I also hope that the students don't think that real life is like that, because unfortunately, it isn't. :-(
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Minnesota Road Trip!
Spring Break 2014 - MINNESOTA, BABY!!
Okay, I admit - perhaps Minnesota isn't the most exciting location on the globe. It's the most exiting location I could afford on this year's budget, though, so here I am. Specifically, I'm sitting in a dorm room at St. Olaf college, reminiscing about the parts of college I miss (the great friends you make on the floor, the collegiate atmosphere of ivy-covered walls, yummy food with no dishes to do) and also remembering the parts that I don't miss (community showers!!). My sister and I are visiting my cousin Erin, and she's in class so we're chilling in her room.
Our road trip yesterday was fairly fabulous. Cara and I drove almost nine hours to get here, and most of it was through the nothingness that is middle America. Think lots of fields and red barns and occasional cow farms. At one point, when Cara was driving, she could see about a mile in front of her and a mile behind her, but there were no cars either way. Therefore she decided to start weaving in and out of lanes and driving like a general crazy person "just because she could." Eeeeeek! She's lucky there were no cops hiding behind the hay bales, or she would have gotten pulled over for sure. Here are some of the highlights (and lowlights) of the trip.
1. I took a nap, and when I woke up Cara was driving on some random back country roads (we were about a half hour from our destination at this point). Suddenly she said, "Ummm...Christine? Do you see a gas station?" No, I didn't see a gas station, because there usually aren't gas stations in the middle of corn fields. My dorky sister had forgotten to stop for gas, and we were running on empty with the gas light on. Oh brother. She stopped at an intersection and told me to find the nearest gas station by using my phone (she left the car running while she stopped at the intersection, which I found funny and told her to turn it off). I abandoned the GPS directions that were taking us to Erin's, and I typed in the nearest gas station. It was over five miles away. That doesn't sound like much, but when the gas light is already on and you don't see civilization anywhere near you... It was a bit disconcerting. Luckily, we made it. Phew!
2. At the gas station, I went in to use the bathroom. I saw an ad that said "Lambs for sale!" and had a phone number to tear off at the bottom. OBVIOUSLY I had to take a number. I went to the car and said, "Hey Cara, let's get a sheep to take home!" She was fully on-board (because we're siblings and we agree on the important things in life like sheep adoption). I called the number, and the following is an approximation of the conversation that ensued:
Al: Hello! This is Al's Farm Shop - Al speaking!" (he had a really jolly voice, like if a 40-year-old Santa Claus owned a farm shop)
*background noise* BAAAAAAA!!!! BAAAAAAAAAAA!! (It seriously sounded like the sheep were right next to the phone)
Me: Oh, um, hello Al. I found your number at the Marathon station, and it says that you're selling lambs. Is that correct?
Al: Yup! You got it! What kind of lambs are you looking for? We have (list of about ten different things that I assume are sheep types, none of which sound familiar).
Me: Wow, uh.... I don't know exactly what type I want.
Al: Well, what do you want the sheep for? A local herd? A 4H project?
*background noise* BAAAAAAA!!!! BAAAAAAAAAAA!!
Me: Um, more of just....a pet sheep.
Al: Great! We have plenty of pet sheep! I would suggest (random name of some type of sheep) because they tend to have very cheerful dispositions and positive attitudes.
Me: Cool. A friendly sheep would be great. How much are they, and do you have a minimum number that must be purchased?
Al: Our minimum is one. It gets a little messy if you try to buy less than one...
Me: Ha ha! Okay, no, one is good. I would like a whole sheep. How much are they?
*background noise* BAAAAAAA!!!! BAAAAAAAAAAA!!
Al: That specific type starts at $200, but I don't have any that will be ready until May.
Me: Bummer! I will talk to my husband, and perhaps I will call you back.
Al: Great! I'm always here! Call anytime!
Aw Al... so jolly. I really wanted to buy a sheep. That would have been so epic.
3. As we were driving through the tiny town of Northfield (if you blink you'll miss it), we saw that the local high school had a baseball game going on. I said, "Cara! Check it out! Let's go watch some baseball!" So we pulled over and went to watch the baseball game. We cheered for random players and pretended that we knew them. Some of the parents looked at us kind of strangely (it was a really small town, so maybe they knew we didn't really go there...). It was fun watching high school baseball, but we didn't stay till the end of the game because we were burning daylight and had to get to Erin's. Alas.
4. At certain points in the trip, we got the weirdest radio stations. At one point we could only pick up one station on the FM bandwidth, and it was all in Spanish. Why is there only a Spanish station in rural Minnesota is what I'd like to know. Later we finally picked up another station, one that talked of farm reports and called itself "Corn Country." We hung out on that station for a while, seeing as we could at least understand it.
It was a really fun trip, and we finally rolled into town at around 8 PM Minnesota time. We had a great girls' night last night, and now we're waiting for Erin to get out of class so we can go to the Mall of America. Woo hooo!
Okay, I admit - perhaps Minnesota isn't the most exciting location on the globe. It's the most exiting location I could afford on this year's budget, though, so here I am. Specifically, I'm sitting in a dorm room at St. Olaf college, reminiscing about the parts of college I miss (the great friends you make on the floor, the collegiate atmosphere of ivy-covered walls, yummy food with no dishes to do) and also remembering the parts that I don't miss (community showers!!). My sister and I are visiting my cousin Erin, and she's in class so we're chilling in her room.
Our road trip yesterday was fairly fabulous. Cara and I drove almost nine hours to get here, and most of it was through the nothingness that is middle America. Think lots of fields and red barns and occasional cow farms. At one point, when Cara was driving, she could see about a mile in front of her and a mile behind her, but there were no cars either way. Therefore she decided to start weaving in and out of lanes and driving like a general crazy person "just because she could." Eeeeeek! She's lucky there were no cops hiding behind the hay bales, or she would have gotten pulled over for sure. Here are some of the highlights (and lowlights) of the trip.
1. I took a nap, and when I woke up Cara was driving on some random back country roads (we were about a half hour from our destination at this point). Suddenly she said, "Ummm...Christine? Do you see a gas station?" No, I didn't see a gas station, because there usually aren't gas stations in the middle of corn fields. My dorky sister had forgotten to stop for gas, and we were running on empty with the gas light on. Oh brother. She stopped at an intersection and told me to find the nearest gas station by using my phone (she left the car running while she stopped at the intersection, which I found funny and told her to turn it off). I abandoned the GPS directions that were taking us to Erin's, and I typed in the nearest gas station. It was over five miles away. That doesn't sound like much, but when the gas light is already on and you don't see civilization anywhere near you... It was a bit disconcerting. Luckily, we made it. Phew!
2. At the gas station, I went in to use the bathroom. I saw an ad that said "Lambs for sale!" and had a phone number to tear off at the bottom. OBVIOUSLY I had to take a number. I went to the car and said, "Hey Cara, let's get a sheep to take home!" She was fully on-board (because we're siblings and we agree on the important things in life like sheep adoption). I called the number, and the following is an approximation of the conversation that ensued:
Al: Hello! This is Al's Farm Shop - Al speaking!" (he had a really jolly voice, like if a 40-year-old Santa Claus owned a farm shop)
*background noise* BAAAAAAA!!!! BAAAAAAAAAAA!! (It seriously sounded like the sheep were right next to the phone)
Me: Oh, um, hello Al. I found your number at the Marathon station, and it says that you're selling lambs. Is that correct?
Al: Yup! You got it! What kind of lambs are you looking for? We have (list of about ten different things that I assume are sheep types, none of which sound familiar).
Me: Wow, uh.... I don't know exactly what type I want.
Al: Well, what do you want the sheep for? A local herd? A 4H project?
*background noise* BAAAAAAA!!!! BAAAAAAAAAAA!!
Me: Um, more of just....a pet sheep.
Al: Great! We have plenty of pet sheep! I would suggest (random name of some type of sheep) because they tend to have very cheerful dispositions and positive attitudes.
Me: Cool. A friendly sheep would be great. How much are they, and do you have a minimum number that must be purchased?
Al: Our minimum is one. It gets a little messy if you try to buy less than one...
Me: Ha ha! Okay, no, one is good. I would like a whole sheep. How much are they?
*background noise* BAAAAAAA!!!! BAAAAAAAAAAA!!
Al: That specific type starts at $200, but I don't have any that will be ready until May.
Me: Bummer! I will talk to my husband, and perhaps I will call you back.
Al: Great! I'm always here! Call anytime!
Aw Al... so jolly. I really wanted to buy a sheep. That would have been so epic.
3. As we were driving through the tiny town of Northfield (if you blink you'll miss it), we saw that the local high school had a baseball game going on. I said, "Cara! Check it out! Let's go watch some baseball!" So we pulled over and went to watch the baseball game. We cheered for random players and pretended that we knew them. Some of the parents looked at us kind of strangely (it was a really small town, so maybe they knew we didn't really go there...). It was fun watching high school baseball, but we didn't stay till the end of the game because we were burning daylight and had to get to Erin's. Alas.
4. At certain points in the trip, we got the weirdest radio stations. At one point we could only pick up one station on the FM bandwidth, and it was all in Spanish. Why is there only a Spanish station in rural Minnesota is what I'd like to know. Later we finally picked up another station, one that talked of farm reports and called itself "Corn Country." We hung out on that station for a while, seeing as we could at least understand it.
It was a really fun trip, and we finally rolled into town at around 8 PM Minnesota time. We had a great girls' night last night, and now we're waiting for Erin to get out of class so we can go to the Mall of America. Woo hooo!
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