Have you ever gone to a nightclub wearing yoga pants, a tank top, and tennis shoes? Of course you haven't. That is not what you wear to a nightclub. You wear a sexy dress, high heels, and approximately one gallon of make-up and hairspray.
That is, unless you're me. Then you go the tennis shoes route.
Right now I'm visiting my dad in Boise, Idaho. He's got an awesome man cave basement apartment and is having fun exploring the city. I was so excited to come visit him because we always have a blast together, and I have not been let down. When I first arrived on Saturday, he said, "Hey, want to go take Salsa dancing lessons? I've got tickets!" Of course I wanted to go. That sounded like a great time.
So my dad and I got ready to go out to this "dance studio" to take dance lessons. I put on dance class clothes, thinking that would make sense if we were going to DANCE LESSONS. My first warning that something was amiss came when we got to The Knitting Factory (yeah, that's the name of the place - "The Knitting Factory." Strange). I walked in the front door and got asked for my ID. I was pretty surprised that they needed my ID to take a dance lesson. Actually, I didn't even have it with me and had to go back and grab it. Once I had my ID to give to the bouncer lady, she let me into the club. I'm not sure why...she should have told me to go home and change. Oh, well. I guess they had a pretty lax dress code. My dad and I immediately went up to the Skybox, since we had VIP tickets (go Dad!). From there we could look down on the dance floor and see everyone dancing. Let's just say they weren't dressed like me.
At first I was mortified. I thought, "Oh my goodness, I can't believe how weird I look." Then I realized that I'm never going to see any of these people again, and it was kind of dark in there anyway, so I was probably good. I took my hair out of its pony tail, slapped on some lipstick, and decided I was sufficiently sexy. My dad and I people watched for a while before they made the announcement that salsa dancing lessons were about to begin.
We made our way to the dance floor and watched the leader demonstrate the first few steps for us. Right before it was our turn to try, my dad turned to me and said, "Oh yeah girl, we got this shit." Ummm...I'm not sure at what age a kid is old enough for parents to swear in front of them, but I'm not that old yet. Ha ha. Oh well. We started practicing the steps, and we were actually pretty good! My dad's an awesome dancer.
Suddenly, I noticed Salsa Barbie and her fat boyfriend. Salsa Barbie had her hair teased up into a blonde cloud around her head with a giant red flower above her left ear. She was wearing a skimpy red and black dress-like-item. I think I might actually have a similar item...but I got mine from Victoria's Secret. Anyway, I turned around, and Salsa Barbie was standing there simultaneously grinding and MAKING OUT with fat Ken! Eeeeeeewwwww!! I pointed them out to my dad, and we both busted up laughing. I may not know how to salsa perfectly, but I'm pretty sure they were doing it wrong. We watched them for the rest of the night, but they never even tried to do any of the right steps. I may have been in yoga pants and tennies, but I think I fit in better than they did!
All in all, it was a great night dancing with my dad. He's the best. :-)
Monday, March 25, 2013
Monday, March 11, 2013
No New Mail!
I recently switched over to a Gmail account from my old university e-mail account.
You may be wondering why it took me three years and a change of last name before I ditched my MSU account... I really don't have an answer for you. I don't like when things change, I guess.
Anyway, it looks like I had a good reason to be wary of gmail, because guess what? It's rude. I don't like it. I signed in to check my e-mail today, and here is what it said on the main screen:
Is the exclamation point really necessary? I feel like it adds an air of hostility to the inbox. It like, "Get out of here! There's no new mail, okay? Stop bugging me! I'll send a message to your phone if anyone e-mails you! Please stop waking me from my cyber slumber and let me have some peace!"
Maybe I'm interpreting that incorrectly. Maybe the exclamation point isn't hostile. If it's not being openly mean, though, then I feel that at least it's a backhanded way of telling me I'm a loser:
"No new mail! That's right, no one wants to talk to you! You have no friends, and even the junk mail people can't be bothered with contacting you! No new mail? That never happens! Hey Lou, call the newspaper! This girl is SUCH a loser that she doesn't even have one solitary e-mail!"
I get it, okay gmail? No one contacted me today. You don't have to proclaim it with excessive exclamatory punctuation. It's not that exciting. It's actually kind of depressing. Why don't you say "No New Mail :-( " or "No New Mail today, but don't worry - we're sure someone will contact you soon!" or even "We at Gmail love you even if no one else does."
I liked my MSU mail better. They just said, "There are no new messages in this inbox." No extraneous exclamations. It got right to the point without judging me.
I think I'm going to go e-mail my gmail account from my MSU account just to get that condescending message off of my screen. Technology today is so insensitive.
You may be wondering why it took me three years and a change of last name before I ditched my MSU account... I really don't have an answer for you. I don't like when things change, I guess.
Anyway, it looks like I had a good reason to be wary of gmail, because guess what? It's rude. I don't like it. I signed in to check my e-mail today, and here is what it said on the main screen:
No New Mail!
Is the exclamation point really necessary? I feel like it adds an air of hostility to the inbox. It like, "Get out of here! There's no new mail, okay? Stop bugging me! I'll send a message to your phone if anyone e-mails you! Please stop waking me from my cyber slumber and let me have some peace!"
Maybe I'm interpreting that incorrectly. Maybe the exclamation point isn't hostile. If it's not being openly mean, though, then I feel that at least it's a backhanded way of telling me I'm a loser:
"No new mail! That's right, no one wants to talk to you! You have no friends, and even the junk mail people can't be bothered with contacting you! No new mail? That never happens! Hey Lou, call the newspaper! This girl is SUCH a loser that she doesn't even have one solitary e-mail!"
I get it, okay gmail? No one contacted me today. You don't have to proclaim it with excessive exclamatory punctuation. It's not that exciting. It's actually kind of depressing. Why don't you say "No New Mail :-( " or "No New Mail today, but don't worry - we're sure someone will contact you soon!" or even "We at Gmail love you even if no one else does."
I liked my MSU mail better. They just said, "There are no new messages in this inbox." No extraneous exclamations. It got right to the point without judging me.
I think I'm going to go e-mail my gmail account from my MSU account just to get that condescending message off of my screen. Technology today is so insensitive.
Friday, March 8, 2013
Student Stories
When was the last time I posted student stories? It's been forever! It's not because my students are less funny than in past years... On the contrary, I laugh about a million times a day. I'm not sure why I strayed from that habit, but I will try to get back into it. Here is the latest batch:
1. My students and I were talking about "text to text" connections (where you connect one story to something it reminded you of in a different story). One girl said that when she read "Cinderella," Prince Charming reminded her of the Prince Charming from the story "Snow White." One of the boys piped up and said, "Why does this Prince Charming guy marry all of the princesses? The books should say, 'And they lived happily ever after...until the princess realized that Prince Charming is also married to five other princesses." Ha ha! How did I never think of that when I was growing up? Why are all of the princes named "Prince Charming"? What if it's really the same guy? That would certainly change the fairy tales that I know and love...
2. I run an extra-curricular publications committee that publishes a fifth grade paper once a month. We have one boy in the committee, so he is our sports reporter. At our last meeting, I suggested that maybe he should cover March Madness because that is such an important sports event in March. Most of the girls didn't know what that was. I explained, "It's a big basketball competition where all of the best college teams compete to see who wins the championship." One girl, still clearly confused, said, "What do they do? Like...an obstacle course or something?"
Nope, they pretty much just play basketball...sorry to disappoint.
3. My little sister came into town for my birthday. (WOOOT!) I had her come help out in my classroom, and the kids loved her. All of the girls were fawning over how beautiful she is (because she is), and then one of the boys chimed in with, "Yeah...Mrs. Webb, you don't look like your sister at all." THANKS, Jerkface. Someone doesn't want an A this quarter.
4. I have a few boys in my class who like to bring their toys to school. It drives me a bit nuts. The other day I noticed that one of my boys had pulled out some legos, so I stopped my lesson and said, "Kyle, if you don't put those legos away right now, I am going to eat them!" Ummmm...where did THAT come from?! As soon as it was out of my mouth, I thought, "What the HECK was that?!?!" The whole class looked very startled and a little bit scared, and Kyle put away his legos. HA HA! It is a good thing that I'm teaching fifth grade and not middle school, though, because a middle school boy would have said, "Go ahead. Eat them," just to see what I would do. Thankfully, I didn't have to live up to that threat. Phewf!
5. Many of my students have read The Elsie Files. For those of you who haven't, it's a story narrated by my cat Elsie. She is fat, lies around all day and thinks no one is as smart as she is. One of my students came up to me yesterday and said, "You know what? I've been thinking about Elsie, and I think we should set her up on a date with Garfield." Ha ha ha! I never considered that, but he's really right. I wonder if Garfield's creator also based his stories on a real fat, lazy cat?
6. After school I tutor students three days a week. The students I tutor are in grades K-3. Yesterday I was helping a third grade girl with her reading comprehension questions. She likes to get her answers done as quickly as possible, so she forgets grammar and punctuation details sometimes. I reminded her to put a capital letter at the beginning of her sentence, and she acquiesced. Then I said, "And remember...what do you need at the end of the sentence?" She threw up her hands in frustration, gave a huge sigh, and exclaimed, "I HATE putting periods at the end of my sentences! It's just too much work!" I couldn't help it - I started laughing. I'm hard pressed to think of anything in life that is easier that writing a period at the end of a sentence. I told this to the girl, and she finally started laughing too (and she also put that darn punctuation in her answers). Little girls can be such drama queens.
1. My students and I were talking about "text to text" connections (where you connect one story to something it reminded you of in a different story). One girl said that when she read "Cinderella," Prince Charming reminded her of the Prince Charming from the story "Snow White." One of the boys piped up and said, "Why does this Prince Charming guy marry all of the princesses? The books should say, 'And they lived happily ever after...until the princess realized that Prince Charming is also married to five other princesses." Ha ha! How did I never think of that when I was growing up? Why are all of the princes named "Prince Charming"? What if it's really the same guy? That would certainly change the fairy tales that I know and love...
2. I run an extra-curricular publications committee that publishes a fifth grade paper once a month. We have one boy in the committee, so he is our sports reporter. At our last meeting, I suggested that maybe he should cover March Madness because that is such an important sports event in March. Most of the girls didn't know what that was. I explained, "It's a big basketball competition where all of the best college teams compete to see who wins the championship." One girl, still clearly confused, said, "What do they do? Like...an obstacle course or something?"
Nope, they pretty much just play basketball...sorry to disappoint.
3. My little sister came into town for my birthday. (WOOOT!) I had her come help out in my classroom, and the kids loved her. All of the girls were fawning over how beautiful she is (because she is), and then one of the boys chimed in with, "Yeah...Mrs. Webb, you don't look like your sister at all." THANKS, Jerkface. Someone doesn't want an A this quarter.
4. I have a few boys in my class who like to bring their toys to school. It drives me a bit nuts. The other day I noticed that one of my boys had pulled out some legos, so I stopped my lesson and said, "Kyle, if you don't put those legos away right now, I am going to eat them!" Ummmm...where did THAT come from?! As soon as it was out of my mouth, I thought, "What the HECK was that?!?!" The whole class looked very startled and a little bit scared, and Kyle put away his legos. HA HA! It is a good thing that I'm teaching fifth grade and not middle school, though, because a middle school boy would have said, "Go ahead. Eat them," just to see what I would do. Thankfully, I didn't have to live up to that threat. Phewf!
5. Many of my students have read The Elsie Files. For those of you who haven't, it's a story narrated by my cat Elsie. She is fat, lies around all day and thinks no one is as smart as she is. One of my students came up to me yesterday and said, "You know what? I've been thinking about Elsie, and I think we should set her up on a date with Garfield." Ha ha ha! I never considered that, but he's really right. I wonder if Garfield's creator also based his stories on a real fat, lazy cat?
6. After school I tutor students three days a week. The students I tutor are in grades K-3. Yesterday I was helping a third grade girl with her reading comprehension questions. She likes to get her answers done as quickly as possible, so she forgets grammar and punctuation details sometimes. I reminded her to put a capital letter at the beginning of her sentence, and she acquiesced. Then I said, "And remember...what do you need at the end of the sentence?" She threw up her hands in frustration, gave a huge sigh, and exclaimed, "I HATE putting periods at the end of my sentences! It's just too much work!" I couldn't help it - I started laughing. I'm hard pressed to think of anything in life that is easier that writing a period at the end of a sentence. I told this to the girl, and she finally started laughing too (and she also put that darn punctuation in her answers). Little girls can be such drama queens.
Monday, March 4, 2013
My Life as a Nicholas Sparks Novel
I really hate Nicholas Sparks novels. I haven't read many, but every once in a while one of my friends tells me "Oh, but this one's different. I think you'll really like this one." Except I never do. They are all the same: a bunch of romantic schmultz that is highly improbable and unrealistic. Hazy lighting effects and classical music. Real life is more like sharp color effects and a soundtrack of traffic horns and radios playing more bad news.
This afternoon, though, I got to take a break from real life and have a Nicholas Sparks kind of day. Rex had a ton of studying to do for a test tomorrow and I had stacks of paper to grade. On a crazy whim, Rex and I decided to go have a picnic in the park. Forget all of our work - we wanted to have a picnic. Who does that these days? I felt dumb even as we were getting ready. A picnic in the park? Like, with a blanket and sandwiches and a picnic basket? Well, let me go get my bonnet and feed the horses before we go.
It was a beautiful day - one of those days where the air smells like spring and the wind is just cool enough to keep the sun from baking your skin. Rex and I spread out our blanket under some trees, and it honestly felt like no one else was around - just us and our dogs. The clouds floated lazily by. Our sandwiches tasted delicious. The dogs played well with each other. It was a perfect afternoon. Elvis rolled around in the grass, and Rex and I started laughing at him at the same time. Then we turned and smiled at each other because it was fun that we laughed at the same time, and it felt friendly and romantic and really pathetically cliched all at the same time. I guess only Nicholas Sparks can only do justice to moments like that. They're obnoxious to read about, but fun to live through. The pug got tangled around a tree-trunk, and Rex went and gingerly untangled her so that she could play better with Elvis. He then turned to me and said, "You know, I've never told anyone this...but I really do love pugs."
Okay... I made that last part up about Rex admitting his love for pugs. Sorry, I got a little carried away. He didn't admit his love for pugs (yet), but the rest of that paragraph was true. He did help our foster Nora get untangled. I didn't even have to tell him to help her, either, so deep down he cares about her a little bit.
Anyway, it was a great Sunday afternoon. I guess maybe Mr. Sparks isn't so ridiculous after all.
This afternoon, though, I got to take a break from real life and have a Nicholas Sparks kind of day. Rex had a ton of studying to do for a test tomorrow and I had stacks of paper to grade. On a crazy whim, Rex and I decided to go have a picnic in the park. Forget all of our work - we wanted to have a picnic. Who does that these days? I felt dumb even as we were getting ready. A picnic in the park? Like, with a blanket and sandwiches and a picnic basket? Well, let me go get my bonnet and feed the horses before we go.
It was a beautiful day - one of those days where the air smells like spring and the wind is just cool enough to keep the sun from baking your skin. Rex and I spread out our blanket under some trees, and it honestly felt like no one else was around - just us and our dogs. The clouds floated lazily by. Our sandwiches tasted delicious. The dogs played well with each other. It was a perfect afternoon. Elvis rolled around in the grass, and Rex and I started laughing at him at the same time. Then we turned and smiled at each other because it was fun that we laughed at the same time, and it felt friendly and romantic and really pathetically cliched all at the same time. I guess only Nicholas Sparks can only do justice to moments like that. They're obnoxious to read about, but fun to live through. The pug got tangled around a tree-trunk, and Rex went and gingerly untangled her so that she could play better with Elvis. He then turned to me and said, "You know, I've never told anyone this...but I really do love pugs."
Okay... I made that last part up about Rex admitting his love for pugs. Sorry, I got a little carried away. He didn't admit his love for pugs (yet), but the rest of that paragraph was true. He did help our foster Nora get untangled. I didn't even have to tell him to help her, either, so deep down he cares about her a little bit.
Anyway, it was a great Sunday afternoon. I guess maybe Mr. Sparks isn't so ridiculous after all.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)