In Rex We Trust

It's no secret that I love my husband Rex.  It's also pretty obvious that I think he's super smart, totally amazing, and I have a lot of faith in him.  The problem comes when I have a little TOO much faith in him....such as the time I put his intelligence to the test in front of my entire advanced English class.

It was an average vocabulary lesson.  I was teaching my students their Greek and Latin root words for the week (it's really important to have a basic understanding of Greek and Latin in order to better understand English).  One of our words for this week is "brevis."  It is Latin for "short."  I asked my students who in the class wanted to be doctors.  Many raised their hands.  I then said, "Well, you'd better learn this word then, because everyone in any sort of medical field will know what 'brevis' means.  You just have to know it if you want to be a doctor."  I was 99% sure I'd heard Rex say that word while studying with his friends....so I was pretty sure my assurance of its medical importance was true.

The students looked at me skeptically.  I'm not sure they realize the importance of Greek and Latin vocabulary words.  To reinforce my point, I boldly declared, "My husband's in school to be a doctor.  I guarantee you that he knows what it means!"  I then PULLED OUT MY PHONE to call him and prove my point (at this point you should be thinking, "Really, Christine?!  REALLY?!").  The students were obviously totally into this.  They love when I improvise, and especially when I call people during class for some educational reason (who says I  can't have a guest speaker via speakerphone?). Plus, who doesn't jump at the chance that their teacher might end up proving themselves wrong?

Anyway, I blasted the speaker phone so that the whole class could hear.  As soon as the phone started ringing, my brain caught up with me and I thought, "Oh crap.  What if he doesn't know what brevis means?!?"  Surely my intelligent husband would know a sixth grade Latin vocabulary word....right?  Rex answered the phone by asking nervously, "Are you okay?!"  Oops...I guess it's weird for me to call him in the middle of when I'm supposed to be teaching.  Oh well.  I soldiered on:  "Hey Rex, I'm fine. I'm just here with my English class.  We're studying Greek and Latin root words, and I told them that 'brevis' is an important word for anyone going into the medical field to know.  I figured since you were going into the medical field...perhaps you would know it?"

I held my breath and mentally crossed my fingers for good luck.  I didn't have to wait long, though, because my super-intelligent husband didn't even skip a beat before answering, "Of course.  It means 'short.'"  I mentally sighed a huge sigh of relief, but outwardly I just gave my students a smug look that clearly said, "See?  I TOLD you anyone in the medical field would know it!"  I pressed my luck even further: "So Rex, where in your field would you say that you have used the word 'brevis'?"  He started rattling off lots of medical terminology that none of my students or I understood.  I just mouthed "He's really smart," while pointing to my head so that the students would know what I was saying.  I finally asked him to narrow down the brevis topics to just one so that we could have a bonus word on the vocab test.  He told me to use "abductor pollicus brevis."  It's a muscle in your thumb, and you can remember that brevis means "short" because any muscle in your thumb is short.  Brilliant.

My students obviously loved this.  They have started using "abductor pollicus brevis" instead of the word "thumb."  If you go to the lunchroom in Quest Academy, you may hear a couple of students challenging each other to an "abductor pollicus brevis war."  If someone does something really cool, one of their friends might say, "Two abductus pollicus brevi up, yo!"  It sounds really nerdy, but it's funny and I love it.

We were doing a vocab review today, and no one forgot what brevis meant.  Perhaps it's not such a bad thing for me to trust in Rex after all.  He's smart, and he's got my back.  I would have looked pretty idiotic if he didn't know the word, but oh well.  All's well that ends well, right?

Dog Mania

Usually when I come home from school, I'm greeted by an adorable beagle named Elvis who bounds up to the door and gives me a "welcome home" kiss.  Yesterday, I walked through the door and was bombarded by FOUR dogs.  FOUR.  I was almost knocked over.  Allow me to introduce them:

This is Elvis.  You know him.  He's cute; he's lovable.  He likes to play and to sniff things.

This is Chewy.  His cuteness and lovableness is debatable.  I happen to think he's awesome, but Rex hates him.  We're fostering him for the Southern Nevada Pug Rescue.  I have to make a description of him to go on the SNPR website, and Rex wants him to get adopted NOW so this is the description he wrote: "This pug poops out money, loves to clean your house, and will do your taxes."  Ha ha ha!  Anyway, Rex hates him because he says he's "whiny."  I say that this pug has been through a lot in his tiny life, and we should just be thankful that he's friendly with our other dogs and hasn't pooped or peed in the house once!  What more can you ask for in a dog?  Anyway, I love him.  I hope he doesn't get adopted for a while.

These are Danny and Annie.  They're little wiener dogs that we're taking care of while our friends JB and Amy are out of town.  They are the most chill dogs you will ever meet.  They pretty much sit on the couch all day and watch Elvis and Chewy run around like crazy psycho dogs.  Danny has a special blanket that he curls up in on the couch, and he buries himself so deeply into the blanket that you wouldn't even know he was there.  I'm a little terrified that I am going to forget about him and just plop down on the couch one day and squish him.

This is Elsie.  She's not a dog.  She hates all dogs.  I think she's wondering why Rex and I are torturing her with all of these canines. I'm pretty sure she's trying to ship herself away to a new family in this picture. Sorry, Els!  We love you!

And THIS, my friends, is the layout of our apartment:

I bet you're thinking to yourself, "Gee willakers, Christine, how do you fit four dogs and a cat into that tiny apartment?!"  Well, I'll tell you:  It's not easy.  There's fur everywhere!  I'm always stepping on something alive!  This is even worse than two summers ago when we had eight rats (http://www.webbnewlyweds.blogspot.com/2010/07/day-66.html), because at least rats are little.  I mean, if I got really sick of them I could have thrown all eight of them in the dishwasher and let them crawl around for a while so that I could have some peace.  (I didn't do that, by the way, but the point is that I COULD have.)  I can't do that with these crazy animals.  There are TOO MANY OF THEM.  I'm going nuts.  Rex tried to sit down to watch a movie today, and this is what instantly happened:

Please notice that Rex is not smiling.  That's mostly because guess which dog loves him the most??  CHEWY. Chewy is always crawling on Rex and falling asleep on his chest.   Then he snores his adorable pug snore right in Rex's face, and Rex starts looking more and more annoyed.....but he doesn't have the heart to shove the little sleeping thing off of him.  Awwww...

Every once in a while I come across a situation in life that makes me take a step back and think, "Whoa, how did I get myself into this?!"  This is definitely one of those situations.  It's fun, but it's craziness.  Have you ever tried to walk four dogs at once?  In the movies, they make it look like this:

That's really funny, lady.  Are those dogs even REAL?  I bet they're dead and you just set them up for the picture so you look like a good dog owner.  Let me tell you the real story, reader:  when you try to walk four dogs at once, they try to go in four different directions.  Somehow, while they're going in four different directions, they get their leashes tied up in intricate knots that would take an experienced boyscout to untangle.  All the while, they're tugging at your arms with all their tiny strengths as if to say, "Come this way!" "No, come THIS way!"  It's exhausting.  And then heaven forbid one of them poops - try to hold four leashes AND pick up poop.  Go ahead - try it.  Tell me how that works out for you.  Walking these dogs is definitely a two person job, which is fun because I get time with Rex.....but we had plenty of fun just walking our one dog.  This is getting a little nuts.

Oh, and Rex's friend Steven needs us to watch his Labradoodle on Tuesday.  For the past few years I've thought about volunteering at a dog shelter, but I never wanted to run one out of my one bedroom apartment!!  Our neighbors are going to hate us.  Maybe we should just move out and leave the apartment to the dogs.

Teacher Appreciation Week

During high school, before Rex and I started dating, Rex and I used to play a flirty game where I would steal his assignment notebook and write random holidays in it.  I would take an otherwise boring week and spice it up with "Leave a Cucumber on Your Neighbor's Porch Day" or "Walk Backwards Through Every Doorway Day."  I was running out of ideas by the time I reached November, so I just put a line over an entire week and labeled it "Christine Appreciation Week."  Little did I know how much Rex would actually take that to heart and follow through on it!  Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, did he follow through on all of my made-up holidays?  Did his neighbor end up with a cucumber on their porch?  Hmmm...  Sorry Webb neighbors.

Anyway, Rex spent an entire week appreciating me.  I wasn't even his girlfriend!  I mean, he totally wanted me to be his girlfriend, but I wasn't yet.  Ha ha.  We were just best friends, and every day he did something different to show me how much he appreciated me and my friendship.  He left little notes in my lockers, picked flowers out of the garden in front of the school (hmmm...that was probably illegal).  He even made a pen case for me out of clay.  Come to think of it, that's kind of cheesy and weird, but....I still liked it.  Actually, I think I still have it.

The point of all of this is that I feel like most people don't get an entire week devoted to their appreciation.  I'm lucky enough to have had this done twice now!  Rex did it for me once in high school, and then my class/staff did it again for me this week - the national "Teacher Appreciation Week."

Now, when I was ordering flowers for my mom for Mother's Day last weekend, the flower shop website had a little sign that said, "Don't forget that Teacher Appreciation Week is next week!"  I thought, "Yeah, right.  Who remembers Teacher Appreciation Week?  I've never even HEARD of that.  I will be shocked if even one person mentions it."

WOW was I wrong.  I was dead wrong.  I have felt sooooo appreciated this week.  It started off on Monday morning when my boss called me down to her office to give me a bonus check to "show her appreciation."  Ummm...yes please!  You want to pay next month's rent because you "appreciate me"? No problem - I won't complain.  :-)

The Parent/Teacher Organization (PTO) provided lunch or breakfast for us every day.  We had bagels, smoothies, Buffalo Wild Wings chicken, a burrito bar, a sandwich station, and gourmet desserts.  DELICIOUS!  That must have cost them a lot of money.  Oh well!  Ha ha.  Various parents put treats in the teachers' lounge for us: edible arrangements, cookie cakes, baked goods, etc etc etc.  I think I've gained ten pounds this week (WORTH IT).

Also, today (Friday), they hired a MASSEUSE to be in the teachers' lounge with her massage table to give all of us free massages over our lunch breaks.  Thank you very much, PTO.  I love you.  No really.  I love you.

Even my students remembered to spoil me!  I got at least one present every day. Here's the list of presents that I got this week:  three Starbucks giftcards, one Amazon gift card, one Visa gift card, one In-N-Out Burger gift card, a candle, two dozen cupcakes, a dozen homemade cookies, and a bunch of cards telling me that I'm the best teacher ever.  Not bad for a holiday I didn't even know existed!

Probably the most creative gift was one that one of my eighth grade girls gave me.  She said she wants to do hair when she grows up and wanted to give me a "makeover" for my teacher appreciation gift.  Apparently my daily pony tail or messy bun wasn't really cutting it for her.  Let me tell you - it's a scary thing to put yourself at the mercy of a fourteen year old.  Anyway, she enlisted the help of another fashionista teacher to do my make-up, and what they came up with wasn't that bad!

Anyway, the point is, I had a good week.  It's nice to feel appreciated.  I think everyone should be entitled to an appreciation week.  Just put it in everyone's calendar, and hopefully they'll follow through!

P.S.  For your reading pleasure (and just in case I ever lose them for some reason), here are a couple of my favorite letters:

Dear Mrs. Webb,
I don't think there are any words to describe how amazing you are.  You are my #1 favorite teacher ever!  I'm not just saying that because I want a good grade.  If I'm having a bad day in another class, I can always count on you to lighten up my day.  You are the one teacher who allows kids to let their "freak flag" fly (including me).  I feel that "appreciate" is too small a word to describe the awesomeness that you come to school with every single day.  So I want to give you a HUGE thanks!


(Reader note:  I am copying this next letter EXACTLY as it was written.  I hope the irony of it is not lost on you)

DEAR MRS. WEBB,
I am going to write this letter with the right spelling, grammer, and punctuation.  HI Mrs. Webb!  Happy teacher's appreciation week.  Your the best teacher at this school don't tell the other teachers.  I know I'm your favorite.  Well my brain hurts right now so that's why I'm not writing alot.


Dear Mrs. Webb,
This is my appreciation note to you!  Mrs. Webb, you are the best teacher ever!  (and I've been with some really cool teachers).  You are like a super hero, but better because you teach!  I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate you!  Whenever I was upset, you always made me feel better.  You helped me stay out of trouble before I even knew I was getting in it (see?  You're a super hero).  Everything you do is always to benefit someone.  I'm definitely going to miss you when you're not my homeroom teacher any more.  So yeah, just to sum it up:  I love you.



My Interview

Reporter:  Well, Ms. Webb, it's very nice of you to meet with us today.

Me:  No problem, Tim.  (I bet his name is Tim.  I don't know why.  Or if it's a girl it's probably Laurel).  It's the least I could do.

Reporter:  Tell us, what does it mean to you to have your home featured on the cover of Better Homes and Gardens for the tenth time? 

Me: Let me tell you, Tim/Laurel.  It means a lot.  There was a time when I wasn't very domestic.  I never dreamed that I would be featured in your magazine!  I mean, okay - let's be real - I dreamed of it.  I just never thought it would really happen.  And now here I am, featured on my tenth cover.

Reporter:  I think a lot of our readers would find it difficult to believe that you weren't always, as you say, "domestic."  It's obvious by your lush gardens that you were born with a green thumb. 

Me:  (shaking my head vigorously)  No!  It's not true.  I have not always been this way.  Actually, back in my early twenties, I tried for months to grow some flowers and totally failed.

Reporter:  Impossible.

Me:  It's true!  See this picture? (I pull a tattered, sun bleached picture out of my Chanel clutch)  I keep this with me at all times to remember my humble beginnings.  This is a picture of the flowers I tried to grow on the balcony of my apartment when I lived in Las Vegas.

Reporter:  (trying to sound optimistic)  Well...those don't look SO bad...growing flowers from seeds can be quite difficult.

Me:  I know.  That's why I didn't grow the flowers from seeds.  I tried growing flowers from seeds three different times that year, and I never got so much as a sprout of green to pop through the dirt.  I don't get it!  I followed the directions, I used Miracle-Gro plant food, I watered them every day...but nothing would grow.  Finally I decided to buy some already grown flowers and just transplant them into pots for my garden.  I put them in rich soil and spread out the roots just like my mom taught me, but here is a picture of them a week later.  Totally dying.

Reporter:  Wow.  Is that....a mixing bowl that the one plant is in?

Me:  Oh yes.  I ran out of pots for my plants, so I decided to use a mixing bowl for one of them.  I picked that particular one because I had thrown up in it a few times, so using it for cooking was a pretty unappetizing prospect.  Plus, I wasn't a big baker back in my twenties.

Reporter:  (GASP!)  You didn't bake very much!?  But your famous cookbook has sold millions of copies!

Me:  I know, I know.  I've changed since then.

Reporter:  I bet that mixing bowl would sell for a lot of money right now...

Me: Yeah, I'm sure lots of fans would love to have my puke bowl.

Reporter:  It's symbolic.  It shows people that not everyone is born into greatness.  I mean, here you are - a world class gardener featured in the magazine that is the worldwide authority on the subject, and you got your beginnings trying to grow dying plants in a recycled puke bowl.  It's inspiring!

Me:  I guess...

Reporter:  It's amazing.  There is hope for people around the world.  Do you hear that, failing housewives?  Don't give up hope!  Even Christine Webb started off with a less-than-perfect garden, and now look at her.  People come from all over the world to look at her five acres of gorgeous landscaping.

Yeah, I'm sure that's how that interview is going to go.  ;-)