Black Bear

Rex and I have come up with a new diabolical plan; it was conceived at Gander Mountain in the break room. Rex was eating the dinner that I brought for him (which, in my entirely not humble opinion, was delicious), and we were studying the full size black bear mount that they have in that room.

The bear mount is in the break room instead of out in the store because someone stole one of its claws (!!!!). Why someone would shoplift a bear claw I have no idea, but they did. So there is a black bear standing with his hands up and mouth open as if he is about to attack, and he gazes eerily upon all Gander Mountain employees trying to grab a second of relaxation. Rex and I were talking about it, and we decided that having a mounted black bear would be SO FUN! The possibilities for it are endless. We could stand it up outside someone's window so that they would freak out when they saw it. We could strap it to the top of our car and watch people's shocked faces as we drive down the highway with a presumably angry bear "clinging" to the top of the car. We could bring it camping with us and stand it up outside of our tent to scare away any unwanted intruders. We could even just use it as a garden gnome...I mean, who wants to look at a small cheery elf when you could be looking at an eight foot tall black bear?! The possibilities are endless. I don't know why we haven't thought of this before! We are going to name our bear "Rowdy" a la the television show "Scrubs." Life will be even more perfect than it is now, if that is possible. Then again, with a giant dead black bear anything is possible.

We were planning on going on a camping trip this weekend, but now maybe we should make it a hunting trip instead...we need a bear. You know what? Maybe we'll just steal the one from Gander Mountain. Surely they wouldn't notice us walking out with it. Ha ha!