Sister Shopping

I have one sister - Cara. She is 15 years old. Unfortunately, I hardly ever get to see her because we live in different cities. I fear it will be even less when I move across the country. Today, though, we had some fun sister bonding time at the mall. Let me allow you to peek inside our sister bonding for a moment...we'll go store by store.

1. Victoria's Secret - We went here because Cara had a coupon for free panties. I wish I had a coupon...I'm the one who never has money for laundry! Alas, I was not that lucky. So while Cara was picking out her freebie, I started looking at the VS 2011 line of bikinis. Some of them are pretty flashy and cool, so I decided to try one on. After all, I could use a flashy new swimsuit to fit in with those Vegas girls, right? Cara came to check it out in the fitting room, and she was appalled. "Christine! You are BUSTING out of that top!!" I tried to calm her: "Cara, it's just a little bit of cleavage. It's SEXY. I have to compete with Vegas girls to be pretty now." She would not relent. "I will NOT let you buy that! You are MARRIED! Who are you trying to impress?" I defended myself: "Cara, I KNOW I am married. I just want Rex to think I'm pretty! If I wear this shiny, cleavage-y bikini, he'll be all, 'Oh Christine, you're so sexy!'" Cara rolled her eyes. "Yes he will. And so will EVERY other guy at the pool!! I'm sorry, Christine, but when you get married you reliquish all rights to sexy bikinis. I refuse to let you purchase that." So I am only allowed to wear ugly swimsuits now. Blast.

2. Stop #2 was Hollister. *shudder* Cara said, "Hey Christine! Let's check out Hollister!" I tried saying no, but she dragged me towards the scary cave-like entrance. I continued to protest. "Cara! I can't go in there! It's too scary and dark! You won't even know what you're buying!" By this time we had reached the entrance and entered the cave, so my voice level had to rise, "AND IT'S SO LOUD IN HERE! YOU CAN'T EVEN HEAR ME! AND I CAN'T SEE YOU! WHAT IF WE LOSE EACH OTHER? WHAT IF YOU BUY A 'YELLOW' SHIRT BUT IT'S ACTUALLY RED BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T SEE IT IN THIS DARKNESS? AND WHY IS THIS MUSIC SO LOUD?!" Cara turned and laughed at me. "Christine. You are so OLD." To prove I am not old, I decided to do something hip. "HEY CARA! IT'S SO LOUD IN HERE THAT IT'S LIKE A CLUB! WE COULD START A RAVE IN HERE!" *I start busting a move* Cara looked embarrassedly at the horrified customers and scream-whispered, "CHRISTINE! STOP IT! PEOPLE JUDGE YOU HERE!!" Ha ha ha! So I stopped so that my sister would stop blushing from being ashamed of me. I mean, she was probably blushing. I couldn't tell because it was too dark. We started looking at the clearance dresses, and they had some pretty cute ones. I found one I sort of liked, but they only had it in size small. I asked Cara, "Do they even carry large sizes in this store, or is everything small?" She said that they only carry smalls, and it doesn't matter anyway because I'm too old to shop there. Lame.

3. Once we left Hollister, I felt that I should find a more "age appropriate" store. I saw that The Limited was having a sale, and I could really use some more teacher clothes for next year. I started heading toward The Limited, but Cara used all of her not-very-much weight to pull on my arm and drag me away from the entrance. "No, Christine! You can't shop at The Limited! You're not THAT old!" I whirled around and started yelling in mock-anger. "I'm too old to shop at Hollister, but too young to shop at the Limited?! What do you want from me?!?!" I threw my hands up in the air, raised my voice, and started spinning in circles. "WHERE IS MY PLACE IN THIS WORLD??!!" Poor Cara, once again embarrassed, hissed, "Christine! You are creating a scene. Come on - we will find somewhere where you can shop." She dragged me away from The Limited's bright sale signs. I tried to protest. "Cara, I am a TEACHER. They have good teacher clothes! When will I be old enough to shop there?" She gave it a brief thought and then retorted with, "You can shop at The Limited when you're old enough to wear pearls and crap out money." Dang. It could be a while before I start crapping money.

4. We stopped at Zales to get my wedding ring cleaned. Finally a territory that I'm familiar with. I felt like Elizabeth Taylor when Cara said, "Hey - this blue ring is pretty - you should ask Rex for it!" I waved my hand dismissively. "Oh I already have one like that. And a ruby ring, and an emerald one too. Rex buys me all sorts of jewels." Take THAT, Cara - I am a princess in this store. She started looking at the engagement rings and picking out the prettiest ones. She started talking about one of her rich friend's moms, and said, "Christine! Her ring is huge! It's even bigger than this one! *pointing to a huge ring* And it's all one stone, too, not like those cheating rings that are made up of a bunch of smaller diamonds." I beamed with pride. "I have taught you well, sister. Never accept a cheating diamond." She assured me that she won't.

5. We left the jewelry store and headed to Burlington Coat Factory. They were having a sale on summer dresses - hooray! I need some new dresses to wear in Nevada. I tried on a bunch, and I found a really light flowy one that was 100% comfortable and would be perfect for scorching weather. And it was only $19.99! I gave myself one more smile and a flowy spin in the dressing room mirror, and then I stepped out to show it off to Cara. She burst out laughing. I put my hands on my hips and pouted. "Really? I thought it was cute! And it's SOOOOOO comfortable!" Cara stopped laughing long enough to say, "But those COLORS! They're AWFUL! It looks like someone puked McDonalds all over you!" Obviously I couldn't buy the dress after it had been described as McDonalds puke, so I sadly put it back. Perhaps it was for the best - Cara is quite the fashionista these days and knows what's in and what's out. I could have made the mistake of being the walking pile of vomit, but no worries: CRISIS AVERTED.

So I left the mall without buying a single thing, but I didn't walk away with nothing at all. I walked away with some memories of a great time with my sister, and I can't wait to hang out with her again. We definitely don't do this often enough. She's pretty highly cool.