Conference

My conference has been really fun so far! Most of the sessions have been very informative, and I've learned SO much. I'm completely overwhelmed with all of the information. I was in a really boring session today, though, so towards the end of it I started writing a letter to Rex instead of taking notes. I really enjoyed writing it, and upon proofreading it I discovered that it might actually make a funny blog post. Even though I wrote it for Rex, I am now going to share it with all of you!

Dear Rex,

This woman's voice is driving me crazy. She sounds like Moaning Myrtle from Harry Potter. It's obnoxious. She thinks she's really funny, but actually she's boring. That stinks, because most of my sessions have been AWESOME. This one isn't, though, so I'm writing a note to you instead of taking notes on the presentation as I should. Ha ha! I'm so rebellious. It's just like government class in high school. I wish you were sitting in front of me right now like you did in Mr. Bolt's class. I'm having fun here, but I miss you a lot.

Okay, here's a quote from my presenter: "...and if you do that, your students will be so bored that they'll start putting beans in their ears. Ha ha ha!!!" Lady, you're not funny. Please give me some beans to stick in my ears. You're killing me.

Her powerpoint shut off! She's freaking out trying to fix it. She's yelling, "TECH! TECHEEEEEEEEE! HELP!" She's just yelling into her micropone. Oh goodness. This is my favorite part of the presentation so far. Maybe we'll finish early!
Crap. Someone in the audience is technologically savvy and helped her fix it. I think we all hate him now. My glimmer of hope has been extinguished.

She's jumped back into her presentation now. She made some inexplicable joke about a tightrope and started laughing so hard that she had to squat down. Literally no one in the audience cracked a smile. We're not trying to be rude; she's just not making any sense!

Here's another gem: (she's talking about uncommon words now, and how just because they're uncommon does not mean they're difficult) "How many times have you read about raccoons today? Hmmmm? Hey - it looks like 'lunchbox' and 'virus' finally have something in common. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Oh my.

This lecture has gotten much more exciting now that I'm transcribing the highlights for you. It was supposed to end a couple of minutes ago, though, and she's still waxing on about "Zipf's Law." The day that I win on Cash Cab because I know about Zipf's Law, I will call her up and thank her. Until then, though, she's driving me a bit nuts.

I'm going to conclude this letter in VERBATIM the exact way that she just concluded her presentation: "Uhhhh...that's it."

Love,
Christine