This post is going to be short, but this experience was still noteworthy:
Just as we finished our weekly grocery shopping expedition, Rex decided to stop for a moment and look at the alcohol. He was looking, not buying, but still. I immediately stopped the cart and exclaimed, "No! I will not support you in your Jack Daniels obsession!" This drew an odd look from the lady working. To a normal person, that would mean "Be quiet." To me, that meant, "Look, an audience!"
Let me add, by the way, that I can count on one hand the amount of times Rex or I have bought liquor. It just doesn't happen. We're not big drinkers. I mean, everyone loves college football with a little pizza and beer, but other than that we stick to water and juice.
Anyway, I continued. "Rex, you have a PROBLEM. You need to stop. I can't take it any more."
Rex looked at me, very confused, and chuckled. "Are you telling me that I'm an alcoholic?"
Perfect opening, Rex. You shouldn't have given it to me. Here is an approximation of the speech that followed:
"Rex, PLEASE! Think of the FAMILY! I just can't take this any more. You spend all of your money on expensive alcohol. I need to buy shampoo and toilet paper! What about Elvis? We're not going to be able to afford his kibble any more, and he's going to have to survive on only water and Jim Beam! I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS!" (at this point I started adding in some sobs for effect). "Walk away, Rex. JUST WALK AWAY!"
He walked away, and we bought no alcohol. A true victory for all alcoholics. Well, actually, more of a victory for non-alcoholics-whose-wife-pretends-they're-alcoholics-because-it-makes-grocery-shopping-more-interesting. You know, whichever, depending on the way you look at it.
No comments:
Post a Comment