Vegas Manicure

Have you ever had your nails done by a transvestite?  I have.

I have had a few people say to me, "Your life is so cool.  Exciting things always happen to you, so that's how you have things to blog about.  I never have anything interesting happen, which is why I don't blog."

Let me say:  that is dumb.  99% of the things I blog about are just normal, every day things.  I just write about them because I like to write.  This post, however, is the 1%.  I bet not many of you have had this experience.  It seems like a specifically Vegas-esque thing to happen.

I walked into the salon to get my manicure done, and I signed the little register to signal to the people that I was waiting my turn for a manicure.  After waiting for about five minutes, "Daniella" came out and said, "Christina? I'm ready for you!"  Apparently Daniella can't read very well since my name is Christine, but as no one else was waiting I figured that it was my turn.

Let me pause here for a moment and say that I am not at all sure what pronoun to use for a man who is trying to be a woman.  He or she?  A quick Google search tells me that the correct pronoun is "ze," a new politically correct and gender neutral term.  As an English teacher, though, I use my power of language authority to say that "ze" is the dumbest word I've ever heard, and I refuse to use it.  I'm going to use the pronoun "he" in this post, because God made that person a man, and when in doubt, I'll use the pronoun God assigned.

Anyway, Daniella came out, and he looked super weird.  He was wearing heavy make-up, and his shoulder length hair was pulled back in a pony tail.  He had large hoop earrings on and a black lacy top.  His hands were adorned with rings and jewelry from Tiffany and Co.  You might not have known he was a man except for the deep voice, the adams apple, and the complete lack of boobs.  So actually, I guess it was kind of easy to tell.  He was trying pretty hard to be a girl though.

Daniella and I sat down at his manicure station, and he started doing my nails.  I was a bit nervous at first, because men in general are very bad at giving manicures.  Apparently Daniella was more female when it came to this talent, though, because he did a very good job.  This was especially impressive considering the fact that I think he might have been high.  I can't know for sure, but every time I tried to talk to him he would pause and then look up at the ceiling, startled, as if confused as to who was talking.  He would flip his bangs out of his eyes in a valley-girl style and then say, "Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?" in a really airy and nasal voice.  I would repeat whatever I said, and he would finally look at me, pause again, and then say, "Oh."  I can see why other professions didn't work out for you, Daniella.

When it came time to choose the color for my nails, I decided to do an experiment.  I told Daniella to choose the color for me, because I really didn't care.  I was mostly just intensely curious to see what kind of color a transvestite would choose for my manicure.  I knew that he couldn't choose the same nails that he had for me, because his  ridiculously long nails were peppered with Hello Kitty designs.  (HELLO KITTY.  ON A TWENTY-SOMETHING YEAR OLD MAN).  So I let Daniella decide the color for my tranny mani.  He immediately exclaimed, "Glitter!  Let's use glitter!  I LOVE GLITTER!"  Awesome.

Now my nails are covered in "Olympic Gold" glitter.  It's quite fitting since the 2012 London Olympics are on for the next couple of weeks. (GO USA!)  I actually really like the way they turned out.  Yay for the he/she manicurist!

When the manicure was finally over, I went to pay the receptionist.  Daniella went back to his station.  When talking to the receptionist, I left a tip for my manicurist.  She asked who had done my nails, and I told her.  The receptionist said, "Oh, we just love him!  Or...her....or.....it.  We love it around here!"   Ha ha...  I may not be sure about the proper pronoun usage for Daniella, but I can guarantee you that the correct word is not "it."  That's a bit dehumanizing.  Oh well.  Transvestites are confusing.  At least my nails are pretty!