Please take a second to check out this conversation that went down between a student and I yesterday. She was arguing with her friend about something (but I couldn't hear what). She suddenly said, "I bet Mrs. Webb would agree!" Here's what happened...
Student: I bet Mrs. Webb would agree! Hey, Mrs. Webb - isn't there such a thing as "girl code"?
Me: Of COURSE there is!
Student: And what is rule #1 of said girl code?
Me: Don't date your best friend's ex.
Student: (to her friend) SEE?! I TOLD YOU! EVEN MRS. WEBB KNOWS IT!
Ha ha ha...I couldn't believe I gave her exactly what she was looking for. I'm not sure what to think about the fact that the girl code and it's numbered rules are universal and have not changed since I first heard about them. Girls are crazy... But we live by THE CODE!
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Kim Kardashian
After 72 days of marriage, Kim Kardashian has filed for divorce.
Imagine Rex's surprise as, when I saw this on TV while I was working out, I immediately jumped up and said, "CRAP - I have to change my lesson plans for tomorrow!"
You see, my seventh grade boys are IN LOVE with Kim K. They have pictures of her all over their binders, backpacks, etc. It's actually kinda creepy, considering that she's 31 and they're 12, but alas. I have been telling them all year to lay off because she is MARRIED, but they have all been telling me that it will never last. I knew they were going to want to talk about it the following day (and, sure enough, the boys accosted me with their jubilation first thing in the morning. They even brought food for a party). I figured I would use their enthusiasm to my advantage.
When the seventh grade students came into class during third period, their warm-up writing assignment was on the board: KIM KARDASHIAN HAS FILED FOR DIVORCE. PLEASE RESPOND TO THIS IN YOUR WRITING JOURNAL BY WRITING AN ESSAY WITH ONE OF THE FOLLOWING TITLES:
1. "Why I should be Kim K's next husband"
2. "How Kim Kardashian can choose a better husband next time"
3. "Why America's preoccupation with celebrities can be dangerous"
I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in grading essays. For your reading pleasure, here are just a couple of the responses I got for choice #1 (which was obviously the most popular choice). Names have been changed:
1. Kim, I think you and I could be a great couple because I'm the type of person who respects people and would never argue with you. Also, I think you're a great person and I am too. I would treat you right and never do anything bad to you and feed you great food, also I am a very good cook and I will make your favorite food for you. When you're sore I would give a massage and buy a hot tub for you for your problems. I'd also give you great advice for your problems and give you everything you need. I'll also help your family and friends when they need it and try my best to help our around the house. I'm not super tall, but an average height of 5'7".
2. Well, the reason I should be Kim Kardashian's next husband is because I'm an easy guy to please. If I'm your next husband, I won't do much. I'll just sit down, play video games, watch the TV shows, play soccer, and play fantasy soccer online. But first before you marry me, you've got to know a couple of things about me. I play soccer and play video games. I'm hitting puberty kind of late, so lay off the deodorant. So I hope this paragraph inspired you.
3. I think your husband should be me because I love squirrels, my name is Francois, I speak French, and I am a good lover. I do not know if I want kids, but if I do I'll let you pick the name. I'll say things to you like I love the way your eyes sparkle, your smile is like babies laughing, your hair is so awesome, and your personality lights up the room. You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. Any time you feel gray I will try to make you laugh. I love you and no one can break that.
4. It was November 1, 2011. I was making some chicken nuggets for breakfast. I turned the oven to 400 degrees. My phone vibrated in my pocket. I looked at the screen: contact name "Derek." I answered, and he gave me the news. I just stood there. It would be too much of a commotion to scream or or even to run around the house. I just stood there - knowing there was another chance.
I would be the perfect husband for Kim because usually I answer my phone, I'm funny, a better basketball player than her ex, will listen to her, and I could also bring in a big income! I would be her third husband, and everyone knows that the third time is the charm. I'm smart, good with money, I make great cookies, and will always support and believe in her. That's why I should be her next husband. She made some mistakes in life, but when she marries me she will be flawless.
(This last one was technically responding to prompt #2, but I'm including it anyway).
5. Dear Kim,
Here are the steps to getting a good husband:
1. Call me, Derek Smith (702) 654-0987.
2. Tell me you want to go to lunch.
3. Get to know me.
4. Say yes when I ask you to marry me.
5. Have some progeny, or possibly adopt
6. Live Happily Ever After
I would be a good choice because I am smart, tall, funny, play basketball, am attractive, and I already love you. I will be at your side whenever you need me and I could kiss you all day. I am the best basketball player in the world (better than Kris). I also love dogs and big houses and I looooooooooovvvveee you!
I am SO sending these letters to Kim.
Imagine Rex's surprise as, when I saw this on TV while I was working out, I immediately jumped up and said, "CRAP - I have to change my lesson plans for tomorrow!"
You see, my seventh grade boys are IN LOVE with Kim K. They have pictures of her all over their binders, backpacks, etc. It's actually kinda creepy, considering that she's 31 and they're 12, but alas. I have been telling them all year to lay off because she is MARRIED, but they have all been telling me that it will never last. I knew they were going to want to talk about it the following day (and, sure enough, the boys accosted me with their jubilation first thing in the morning. They even brought food for a party). I figured I would use their enthusiasm to my advantage.
When the seventh grade students came into class during third period, their warm-up writing assignment was on the board: KIM KARDASHIAN HAS FILED FOR DIVORCE. PLEASE RESPOND TO THIS IN YOUR WRITING JOURNAL BY WRITING AN ESSAY WITH ONE OF THE FOLLOWING TITLES:
1. "Why I should be Kim K's next husband"
2. "How Kim Kardashian can choose a better husband next time"
3. "Why America's preoccupation with celebrities can be dangerous"
I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in grading essays. For your reading pleasure, here are just a couple of the responses I got for choice #1 (which was obviously the most popular choice). Names have been changed:
1. Kim, I think you and I could be a great couple because I'm the type of person who respects people and would never argue with you. Also, I think you're a great person and I am too. I would treat you right and never do anything bad to you and feed you great food, also I am a very good cook and I will make your favorite food for you. When you're sore I would give a massage and buy a hot tub for you for your problems. I'd also give you great advice for your problems and give you everything you need. I'll also help your family and friends when they need it and try my best to help our around the house. I'm not super tall, but an average height of 5'7".
2. Well, the reason I should be Kim Kardashian's next husband is because I'm an easy guy to please. If I'm your next husband, I won't do much. I'll just sit down, play video games, watch the TV shows, play soccer, and play fantasy soccer online. But first before you marry me, you've got to know a couple of things about me. I play soccer and play video games. I'm hitting puberty kind of late, so lay off the deodorant. So I hope this paragraph inspired you.
3. I think your husband should be me because I love squirrels, my name is Francois, I speak French, and I am a good lover. I do not know if I want kids, but if I do I'll let you pick the name. I'll say things to you like I love the way your eyes sparkle, your smile is like babies laughing, your hair is so awesome, and your personality lights up the room. You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. Any time you feel gray I will try to make you laugh. I love you and no one can break that.
4. It was November 1, 2011. I was making some chicken nuggets for breakfast. I turned the oven to 400 degrees. My phone vibrated in my pocket. I looked at the screen: contact name "Derek." I answered, and he gave me the news. I just stood there. It would be too much of a commotion to scream or or even to run around the house. I just stood there - knowing there was another chance.
I would be the perfect husband for Kim because usually I answer my phone, I'm funny, a better basketball player than her ex, will listen to her, and I could also bring in a big income! I would be her third husband, and everyone knows that the third time is the charm. I'm smart, good with money, I make great cookies, and will always support and believe in her. That's why I should be her next husband. She made some mistakes in life, but when she marries me she will be flawless.
(This last one was technically responding to prompt #2, but I'm including it anyway).
5. Dear Kim,
Here are the steps to getting a good husband:
1. Call me, Derek Smith (702) 654-0987.
2. Tell me you want to go to lunch.
3. Get to know me.
4. Say yes when I ask you to marry me.
5. Have some progeny, or possibly adopt
6. Live Happily Ever After
I would be a good choice because I am smart, tall, funny, play basketball, am attractive, and I already love you. I will be at your side whenever you need me and I could kiss you all day. I am the best basketball player in the world (better than Kris). I also love dogs and big houses and I looooooooooovvvveee you!
I am SO sending these letters to Kim.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Teacher Stories
I hate that my life has gotten so busy that my blog has to suffer. It doesn't seem right. But then again, I do have to prioritize, and there are about a million and one things that come before this blog. Sorry! Plus, who wants to spend their free time typing out stories when they could be playing with a beagle puppy? Not me.
Anyway, I know there are a zillion stories that I have forgotten because I didn't write them down in time, but here are a few that I remember. Names have been changed.
1. This is my new favorite excuse: "Mrs. Webb, I DID do my homework, but then my notebook exploded." Well, you know, that happens to the best of us. You never know when your notebook might spontaneously explode.
2. A student and his mom came in after school to talk to me about some social issues he has been having. We had a good conversation, and I think things have improved since our talk. The next day, though, he came up to me and said (IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CLASS), "Hey Mrs. Webb, I just wanted to say thanks for last night." The thing is, he was so sincere and didn't realize the innuendo at all. Luckily, I scanned the classroom and no one else seemed to get it either. *phew!* I'm the only one who found that comment really awkward.
3. We had student council elections last week, so lots of people put up campaign posters. My favorite one said, "Vote For Karen! Seriously, please...I already told my mom I won."
4. I walked out in the hall and found Damian eating Meg's lip gloss. I told him that that is disgusting, but he said, "What?! It tastes GOOD!" Weirdo. Just then, the science teacher came out. I said, "Damian thinks that Meg's lipgloss tastes good. He's eating it straight out of the tube." The teacher said, "Damian, do you realize that lipgloss and vaseline have almost the same ingredients?" He replied, "Maybe that's why I like eating vaseline too!" The science teacher said, "Ok well then you have problems," and walked away. HA HA!
5. I have some special ed students in my eighth grade class who have a difficult time sitting still, so I let them move to different seats or even sit on the floor if they need to, as long as they are paying attention and not disrupting other students. One time Darrel kept getting closer and closer to the white board, and he was totally in my way. I held out my black marker and said, "Darrel. If you get any closer to this board, I am going to draw a mustache on your face with this marker." He jumped gleefully and said, "It will be like I'm becoming a MAN!"
6. My students wear uniforms, and their shirts have to be either red or black. A bunch of students wearing red shirts were spilling into the hall after class, but they hadn't been dismissed yet so I said, "Guys, go back into the room. Stop bleeding into the hallway." Two kids in black shirts said, "We'll be the scab! We'll keep the blood inside!" and they stood shoulder to shoulder and blocked my door so no one could get out. It was really funny, especially since the "blood" was wearing red and the "scab" was black like a real scab.
7. Quote: "Mrs. Webb, Kayla accidentally bit herself! Can she go to the nurse?" Kayla held up a red arm. My answer?: "No, you can't leave. If you're dumb enough to bite yourself, then you REALLY need to stay in school."
8. Every Friday we write mini-essays about what we are going to do over the weekend. This Friday, one of my students said, "I am going to visit my uncle and my aunt, but I hardly know her because she's from Peru." I asked where she and the uncle met, and the student said, "Well, he was looking for an American wife, but he couldn't find any and then he got really desperate so I guess he decided to go get one in Peru. He came back and had one." Isn't that a romantic story?
Life in middle school is crazy but really fun. I wish you could come visit my classroom!
Anyway, I know there are a zillion stories that I have forgotten because I didn't write them down in time, but here are a few that I remember. Names have been changed.
1. This is my new favorite excuse: "Mrs. Webb, I DID do my homework, but then my notebook exploded." Well, you know, that happens to the best of us. You never know when your notebook might spontaneously explode.
2. A student and his mom came in after school to talk to me about some social issues he has been having. We had a good conversation, and I think things have improved since our talk. The next day, though, he came up to me and said (IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CLASS), "Hey Mrs. Webb, I just wanted to say thanks for last night." The thing is, he was so sincere and didn't realize the innuendo at all. Luckily, I scanned the classroom and no one else seemed to get it either. *phew!* I'm the only one who found that comment really awkward.
3. We had student council elections last week, so lots of people put up campaign posters. My favorite one said, "Vote For Karen! Seriously, please...I already told my mom I won."
4. I walked out in the hall and found Damian eating Meg's lip gloss. I told him that that is disgusting, but he said, "What?! It tastes GOOD!" Weirdo. Just then, the science teacher came out. I said, "Damian thinks that Meg's lipgloss tastes good. He's eating it straight out of the tube." The teacher said, "Damian, do you realize that lipgloss and vaseline have almost the same ingredients?" He replied, "Maybe that's why I like eating vaseline too!" The science teacher said, "Ok well then you have problems," and walked away. HA HA!
5. I have some special ed students in my eighth grade class who have a difficult time sitting still, so I let them move to different seats or even sit on the floor if they need to, as long as they are paying attention and not disrupting other students. One time Darrel kept getting closer and closer to the white board, and he was totally in my way. I held out my black marker and said, "Darrel. If you get any closer to this board, I am going to draw a mustache on your face with this marker." He jumped gleefully and said, "It will be like I'm becoming a MAN!"
6. My students wear uniforms, and their shirts have to be either red or black. A bunch of students wearing red shirts were spilling into the hall after class, but they hadn't been dismissed yet so I said, "Guys, go back into the room. Stop bleeding into the hallway." Two kids in black shirts said, "We'll be the scab! We'll keep the blood inside!" and they stood shoulder to shoulder and blocked my door so no one could get out. It was really funny, especially since the "blood" was wearing red and the "scab" was black like a real scab.
7. Quote: "Mrs. Webb, Kayla accidentally bit herself! Can she go to the nurse?" Kayla held up a red arm. My answer?: "No, you can't leave. If you're dumb enough to bite yourself, then you REALLY need to stay in school."
8. Every Friday we write mini-essays about what we are going to do over the weekend. This Friday, one of my students said, "I am going to visit my uncle and my aunt, but I hardly know her because she's from Peru." I asked where she and the uncle met, and the student said, "Well, he was looking for an American wife, but he couldn't find any and then he got really desperate so I guess he decided to go get one in Peru. He came back and had one." Isn't that a romantic story?
Life in middle school is crazy but really fun. I wish you could come visit my classroom!
Pumpkin Patch
Well, it is OCTOBER. The calendar tells me that it's fall, but the thermometer tells me that it's still summer. It's still 90+ degrees outside every day. I will love the warm weather when there are blizzards back in Michigan, but right now I kind of miss fall.
This feeling of nostalgia is especially poignant when I see the pathetic "pumpkin patches" in Las Vegas. When I think of going to a pumpkin patch, I imagine a beautiful orchard full of apple trees, a hayride taking visitors on tours of trees in every color, corn mazes, cider mills, doughnuts, and - oh yeah - pumpkins. This does not exist in the desert. We don't have apple trees or corn fields, and there aren't farms so there really isn't any reason for hay or hayrides.
Instead, a few parking lots around town have been blocked off and labeled "pumpkin patches." There are hundreds of pumpkins sitting in a parking lot, and they're probably rotten because they sit out in the sun all day and aren't even attached to their vines. It's quite sad, but it's the only place to get pumpkins so people buy them. And schools take FIELD TRIPS to the "pumpkin patch," which is about the funniest thing I have ever heard of. "Come on, kids! Let's go to this patch of asphalt so you can choose a pumpkin that has been imported from hundreds of miles away! Hopefully it doesn't smell like mold when you cut it open!"
I want some apple cider. This is the longest summer EVER. I think it might just feel like summer for the next three years. But then, I guess there are worse things that could happen.
This feeling of nostalgia is especially poignant when I see the pathetic "pumpkin patches" in Las Vegas. When I think of going to a pumpkin patch, I imagine a beautiful orchard full of apple trees, a hayride taking visitors on tours of trees in every color, corn mazes, cider mills, doughnuts, and - oh yeah - pumpkins. This does not exist in the desert. We don't have apple trees or corn fields, and there aren't farms so there really isn't any reason for hay or hayrides.
Instead, a few parking lots around town have been blocked off and labeled "pumpkin patches." There are hundreds of pumpkins sitting in a parking lot, and they're probably rotten because they sit out in the sun all day and aren't even attached to their vines. It's quite sad, but it's the only place to get pumpkins so people buy them. And schools take FIELD TRIPS to the "pumpkin patch," which is about the funniest thing I have ever heard of. "Come on, kids! Let's go to this patch of asphalt so you can choose a pumpkin that has been imported from hundreds of miles away! Hopefully it doesn't smell like mold when you cut it open!"
I want some apple cider. This is the longest summer EVER. I think it might just feel like summer for the next three years. But then, I guess there are worse things that could happen.
Monday, September 19, 2011
The Webb Institute
If you are not related to me...or more specifically to Rex...than I don't know how much sense this post will make. Still, this is MY blog so I will write what I WANT! HA!
Rex's youngest brother told me that he might go to Michigan State to become a teacher because, after reading all of my blog posts, being a teacher sounds fun (duh!). I thought he was kidding at first, but Rex says that he's actually serious. So obviously I am beaming with pride. And he would be a FABULOUS teacher, so I'm pumped for his future students.
I made the comment to Rex, "What if Jake and I work at the same school someday? That would be weird...we'd be Mr. Webb and Mrs. Webb, but we're not married. Odd." To which Rex said, "You should make your own school - The Webb Institute!" I told him that a school of only language arts (my subject) and social studies (Jake's subject) would not be a very good school. Rex said that obviously the Webb Institute would need some more teachers, but they would all have to have the last name "Webb." Here's what we came up with for our students. I think they'll have a wide variety of choices and get a very good education:
Class 1: Language Arts with Christine Webb
Class 2: Social Studies with Jacob Webb
Class 3: "Back in the Day and Country Living" with Grandpa Webb
Class 4: Art with Grandma Webb
Class 5: "Sales, Sarcasm, and General Intimidation" with Rex (Dad) Webb
Class 6: Home Economics with Patricia Webb
Class 7: Gym with Thomas Webb
Class 8: "Science - but only the interesting stuff" with Rex (hunky husband) Webb
We obviously still need a math class, and Michelle can't be included since she's going to get married and change her name someday and become a non-Webb (boo). So we are offering...
Class 9: Math with Elvis Webb (Lesson 1: How many hot dogs can I eat before class is over? Let's count...)
It's going to be a really fabulous school. Start buying stock now (can you buy stock in a school? Hmmm...)
Rex's youngest brother told me that he might go to Michigan State to become a teacher because, after reading all of my blog posts, being a teacher sounds fun (duh!). I thought he was kidding at first, but Rex says that he's actually serious. So obviously I am beaming with pride. And he would be a FABULOUS teacher, so I'm pumped for his future students.
I made the comment to Rex, "What if Jake and I work at the same school someday? That would be weird...we'd be Mr. Webb and Mrs. Webb, but we're not married. Odd." To which Rex said, "You should make your own school - The Webb Institute!" I told him that a school of only language arts (my subject) and social studies (Jake's subject) would not be a very good school. Rex said that obviously the Webb Institute would need some more teachers, but they would all have to have the last name "Webb." Here's what we came up with for our students. I think they'll have a wide variety of choices and get a very good education:
Class 1: Language Arts with Christine Webb
Class 2: Social Studies with Jacob Webb
Class 3: "Back in the Day and Country Living" with Grandpa Webb
Class 4: Art with Grandma Webb
Class 5: "Sales, Sarcasm, and General Intimidation" with Rex (Dad) Webb
Class 6: Home Economics with Patricia Webb
Class 7: Gym with Thomas Webb
Class 8: "Science - but only the interesting stuff" with Rex (hunky husband) Webb
We obviously still need a math class, and Michelle can't be included since she's going to get married and change her name someday and become a non-Webb (boo). So we are offering...
Class 9: Math with Elvis Webb (Lesson 1: How many hot dogs can I eat before class is over? Let's count...)
It's going to be a really fabulous school. Start buying stock now (can you buy stock in a school? Hmmm...)
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Wake Me Up When September Ends
September is sort of a blur for teachers. It's tricky trying to learn the names of everyone in all four of the middle school homerooms, learn about how they learn best, and cater lessons to each one of them. I get home at 5 and have to be in bed between 9 and 10 so that I can get up at 5:45 to do the whole thing over again. I feel like I'm always tired and, even worse, I have been NEGLECTING THIS BLOG! So sorry about that. Hopefully things will settle down a bit after the first few weeks. I have so many teacher stories, but since I haven't been blogging them I have forgotten a bunch of them! BLAST! I'll try to remember as many as I can, though...names are changed...here we go:
1. A third grader came in with a birthday treat (kids always give birthday treats to all of the teachers). I accepted my cupcake with thanks, and she exclaimed, "Ewwww - what's THAT!?" *pointing at the rats* I told her that the animals in the cage are rats, and she said, "That's DISGUSTING!" An outcry arose from my class. They LOVE the rats. One student even yelled, "HEY - those rats are our FAMILY! We LOVE them!" I love the rodent loyalty.
2. Sarah said, "Hey, Mrs. Webb, don't you think I'd look SO CUTE as a pregnant girl?" No, Sarah. I don't. You're thirteen. Try me again in twenty years.
3. Deven asked me, "Mrs. Webb, do we have Labor Day off to celebrate all of the new babies?" I was confused. He explained, "Well, Labor Day...isn't that the day when all of the pregnant women go into labor? And so we have the day off to celebrate all of the new babies?" Not quite...
4. Justin Bieber got into a car accident last week, and I thought the world was going to stop spinning. My eighth graders were talking about it, and one of the girls said, "DON'T PANIC. I heard on the news - his face is FINE." I'm so glad they are concerned with his overall well-being.
5. One of my students is going to be in a wedding next weekend. He proudly came up to me and said, "Mrs. Webb, I'm in a WEDDING! I'm the groomer!" I'm pretty sure he meant "groomsman," but "groomer" made me picture a wedding full of dogs that needs an on-hand groomer, and that made me laugh.
6. I 99% love my job. The other 1% comes on moments like today, when one of my kids said, "Ahhhh! A SCORPION! *stomp* I went over to investigate, and sure enough - there was a squashed scorpion on my floor. EWWWWWWW! That never happened in Michigan. Freaky!
7. We are studying fantasy stories in sixth grade. Today we had a debate on whether or not dragons are real. I said, "I hate to bust up everyone's fun, but I have to tell you the truth: dragons are not real." *general chaos* One of my students piped up, "Sort of like Santa?" to which I replied, "No WAY! Santa is SO real! Only dragons are fake." Ha ha!
8. In seventh grade we're studying historical fiction, and we're reading Fever, 1793. It's about an outbreak of yellow fever in Philidelphia. I asked the students to brainstorm what they would do if they were alive during this time, and one of them said, "I would go find a rainforest." Why? "I'm pretty sure cures grow in the rainforest. There's always those witch doctors getting them from there." Please, someone point me towards a "cure tree." I would be RICH.
9. A teacher told Rob to stop sitting alone on the muddy rocks at recess. He looked completely offended and exclaimed, "but can't you SEE?! I'm becoming one with the EARTH!" I live near the west coast...there are a lot of hippies out here, and I guess they start pretty young.
10. Matt came in and said, "Happy Birthday, Mrs. Webb!" He gave me this BIZARRE looking tropical plant as a birthday gift. It was really nice of him, and I didn't really have the heart to tell him that my birthday isn't until February. So a bunch of students told me happy birthday. They're going to be super confused when February 2 rolls around.
11. Levi came up and said, "Mrs. Webb, what would you do with $50?" I said I didn't know, why? He said, "I won my boy scouts fundraiser, and I got a $100 cash prize! I wanted to spend half of it on you because you're so awesome." I told him that he should spend the money on himself because he earned it, and he said, "Fine. I will buy a couple of legos. But, then - don't you worry - I will get you something COOL." Who knows whether or not he actually will, but it was a cute gesture.
12. We're studying the holocaust because of some literature that we're reading in 8th grade, and one of my girls said, "I think the holocaust was cool. I kind of have a crush on Adolf Hitler." Not knowing what to do with that, I just said, "Well, he's dead. So that crush isn't going to work out for you." What a CREEPER.
13. A student came up to me looking very upset and worried. He said, "I just thought you should know...John and Bill are talking about...you know...that S-E-X word." I think he expected me to faint out of shock.
14. At lunch, someone left their sandwich on the table. I said, "How can someone leave their sandwich?! That's the main part!" Emma whispered in a scandalized tone, "Lots of people just skip the main part of their lunch and eat the goodies. It's so WRONG!" Ha ha...unhealthy? Yes. "WRONG"? Debateable.
15. I told my students that my library is sort of lacking, and that if anyone had old books at their house I would really appreciate donations to share with the class. I said that on Monday, and today is Thursday. In that time, I've had about 150 books donated! My library is STUFFED. The donations included 2 hardcover sets of the Harry Potter books, a hardcover set of the Diary of a Wimpy Kid books, and a bunch of other middle school favorites! I was so thankful that I almost started crying in class when I told them how grateful I was, and that just inspired them to bring MORE books. I swear, I have the BEST kids.
1. A third grader came in with a birthday treat (kids always give birthday treats to all of the teachers). I accepted my cupcake with thanks, and she exclaimed, "Ewwww - what's THAT!?" *pointing at the rats* I told her that the animals in the cage are rats, and she said, "That's DISGUSTING!" An outcry arose from my class. They LOVE the rats. One student even yelled, "HEY - those rats are our FAMILY! We LOVE them!" I love the rodent loyalty.
2. Sarah said, "Hey, Mrs. Webb, don't you think I'd look SO CUTE as a pregnant girl?" No, Sarah. I don't. You're thirteen. Try me again in twenty years.
3. Deven asked me, "Mrs. Webb, do we have Labor Day off to celebrate all of the new babies?" I was confused. He explained, "Well, Labor Day...isn't that the day when all of the pregnant women go into labor? And so we have the day off to celebrate all of the new babies?" Not quite...
4. Justin Bieber got into a car accident last week, and I thought the world was going to stop spinning. My eighth graders were talking about it, and one of the girls said, "DON'T PANIC. I heard on the news - his face is FINE." I'm so glad they are concerned with his overall well-being.
5. One of my students is going to be in a wedding next weekend. He proudly came up to me and said, "Mrs. Webb, I'm in a WEDDING! I'm the groomer!" I'm pretty sure he meant "groomsman," but "groomer" made me picture a wedding full of dogs that needs an on-hand groomer, and that made me laugh.
6. I 99% love my job. The other 1% comes on moments like today, when one of my kids said, "Ahhhh! A SCORPION! *stomp* I went over to investigate, and sure enough - there was a squashed scorpion on my floor. EWWWWWWW! That never happened in Michigan. Freaky!
7. We are studying fantasy stories in sixth grade. Today we had a debate on whether or not dragons are real. I said, "I hate to bust up everyone's fun, but I have to tell you the truth: dragons are not real." *general chaos* One of my students piped up, "Sort of like Santa?" to which I replied, "No WAY! Santa is SO real! Only dragons are fake." Ha ha!
8. In seventh grade we're studying historical fiction, and we're reading Fever, 1793. It's about an outbreak of yellow fever in Philidelphia. I asked the students to brainstorm what they would do if they were alive during this time, and one of them said, "I would go find a rainforest." Why? "I'm pretty sure cures grow in the rainforest. There's always those witch doctors getting them from there." Please, someone point me towards a "cure tree." I would be RICH.
9. A teacher told Rob to stop sitting alone on the muddy rocks at recess. He looked completely offended and exclaimed, "but can't you SEE?! I'm becoming one with the EARTH!" I live near the west coast...there are a lot of hippies out here, and I guess they start pretty young.
10. Matt came in and said, "Happy Birthday, Mrs. Webb!" He gave me this BIZARRE looking tropical plant as a birthday gift. It was really nice of him, and I didn't really have the heart to tell him that my birthday isn't until February. So a bunch of students told me happy birthday. They're going to be super confused when February 2 rolls around.
11. Levi came up and said, "Mrs. Webb, what would you do with $50?" I said I didn't know, why? He said, "I won my boy scouts fundraiser, and I got a $100 cash prize! I wanted to spend half of it on you because you're so awesome." I told him that he should spend the money on himself because he earned it, and he said, "Fine. I will buy a couple of legos. But, then - don't you worry - I will get you something COOL." Who knows whether or not he actually will, but it was a cute gesture.
12. We're studying the holocaust because of some literature that we're reading in 8th grade, and one of my girls said, "I think the holocaust was cool. I kind of have a crush on Adolf Hitler." Not knowing what to do with that, I just said, "Well, he's dead. So that crush isn't going to work out for you." What a CREEPER.
13. A student came up to me looking very upset and worried. He said, "I just thought you should know...John and Bill are talking about...you know...that S-E-X word." I think he expected me to faint out of shock.
14. At lunch, someone left their sandwich on the table. I said, "How can someone leave their sandwich?! That's the main part!" Emma whispered in a scandalized tone, "Lots of people just skip the main part of their lunch and eat the goodies. It's so WRONG!" Ha ha...unhealthy? Yes. "WRONG"? Debateable.
15. I told my students that my library is sort of lacking, and that if anyone had old books at their house I would really appreciate donations to share with the class. I said that on Monday, and today is Thursday. In that time, I've had about 150 books donated! My library is STUFFED. The donations included 2 hardcover sets of the Harry Potter books, a hardcover set of the Diary of a Wimpy Kid books, and a bunch of other middle school favorites! I was so thankful that I almost started crying in class when I told them how grateful I was, and that just inspired them to bring MORE books. I swear, I have the BEST kids.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Oh Crap...Wait, What?!
Let me begin by telling you that my principal NEVER comes into the classroom to talk to teachers. She's working on a charter to add a high school to our current K-8 school, and she is BUSYBUSYBUSY all the time. So when she came in and said, "Christine, can I please talk to you for a minute? I have to ask you something serious." I understandably became VERY nervous. Her intro wasn't very encouraging either:
"First of all, before I say anything else, I want you to know that I really value you as a teacher."
What did I do?! I wracked my brain to try to think of why she was talking to me. Did I get a parent complaint? Were my lesson plans not thorough enough? Was I dressed inappropriately? Did I do something a little too extreme? I thought guiltily about my "Motif Rap" from yesterday...did she find out about that? Was there something wrong with educational rapping at this school?
I tried to think of anything that I could be in trouble for, but I really didn't know. So I just gulped and said, "Yes, thank you. I appreciate that. I really enjoy working here" while secretly thinking *pleasedon'tfiremepleasedon'tfiremepleasedon'tfireme.*
She continued on. "A lot of new teachers get curious about the district (there is only ONE school district in Las Vegas). Clark County controls a lot around here. I know they have a lot to offer, but I would really hope that if you were thinking about leaving our school you would talk to me about it well before you decide to go."
I wanted to laugh out loud from relief and disbelief. She thought I wanted to LEAVE? BAHAHAHAHAHA! That's the funniest thing I've ever heard! I LOVE this job! It's my DREAM JOB. Trying to find a balance between showing her I was serious without being a suck-up, I said, "No, Connie, I REALLY love this job. I was just talking to my husband last night about the fact that I can see myself working here as long as we stay living in Nevada (I really was, too). I've heard horror stories about the district. I promise that I have no intention of leaving in the foreseeable future. I love it here."
She sighed a sigh of relief. "I can't tell you how good it is to hear that. When I stumble across a teacher like you I always get scared that they're going to leave because lots of other places want them. I think you're really great, though, and I can tell that you're one of the best. Your work is exceptional. That's why I was hoping that you might be willing to go with a me and a handful of other teachers to a conference in Orlando?"
I thought I needed to clean out my ears. WHAT?! Two seconds ago I thought I was in trouble, and now I'm going to FLORIDA? She looked as if she was asking a huge favor of me, and I'm sure I looked really confused.
"Ummm...yes? I would be willing to go?"
She said that she would really appreciate it, as it must be difficult for me to give up a weekend and a couple days of school. Only one other middle school teacher was asked to go. But it would obviously be all expenses paid, and she would really appreciate if I would be willing to attend the conference so I could help lead a professional development at the school. She said that I have the kind of brain that "soaks up things," and she wants to bring teachers who are going to remember the conference's content.
I'm sorry, you're asking if I'm "willing" to go on a free trip to Florida? Yes, I suppose I will sacrifice.
So I guess I'm not getting fired? Phew!
"First of all, before I say anything else, I want you to know that I really value you as a teacher."
What did I do?! I wracked my brain to try to think of why she was talking to me. Did I get a parent complaint? Were my lesson plans not thorough enough? Was I dressed inappropriately? Did I do something a little too extreme? I thought guiltily about my "Motif Rap" from yesterday...did she find out about that? Was there something wrong with educational rapping at this school?
I tried to think of anything that I could be in trouble for, but I really didn't know. So I just gulped and said, "Yes, thank you. I appreciate that. I really enjoy working here" while secretly thinking *pleasedon'tfiremepleasedon'tfiremepleasedon'tfireme.*
She continued on. "A lot of new teachers get curious about the district (there is only ONE school district in Las Vegas). Clark County controls a lot around here. I know they have a lot to offer, but I would really hope that if you were thinking about leaving our school you would talk to me about it well before you decide to go."
I wanted to laugh out loud from relief and disbelief. She thought I wanted to LEAVE? BAHAHAHAHAHA! That's the funniest thing I've ever heard! I LOVE this job! It's my DREAM JOB. Trying to find a balance between showing her I was serious without being a suck-up, I said, "No, Connie, I REALLY love this job. I was just talking to my husband last night about the fact that I can see myself working here as long as we stay living in Nevada (I really was, too). I've heard horror stories about the district. I promise that I have no intention of leaving in the foreseeable future. I love it here."
She sighed a sigh of relief. "I can't tell you how good it is to hear that. When I stumble across a teacher like you I always get scared that they're going to leave because lots of other places want them. I think you're really great, though, and I can tell that you're one of the best. Your work is exceptional. That's why I was hoping that you might be willing to go with a me and a handful of other teachers to a conference in Orlando?"
I thought I needed to clean out my ears. WHAT?! Two seconds ago I thought I was in trouble, and now I'm going to FLORIDA? She looked as if she was asking a huge favor of me, and I'm sure I looked really confused.
"Ummm...yes? I would be willing to go?"
She said that she would really appreciate it, as it must be difficult for me to give up a weekend and a couple days of school. Only one other middle school teacher was asked to go. But it would obviously be all expenses paid, and she would really appreciate if I would be willing to attend the conference so I could help lead a professional development at the school. She said that I have the kind of brain that "soaks up things," and she wants to bring teachers who are going to remember the conference's content.
I'm sorry, you're asking if I'm "willing" to go on a free trip to Florida? Yes, I suppose I will sacrifice.
So I guess I'm not getting fired? Phew!
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