Last weekend I flew home to Michigan to be in a wedding. My best friend from kindergarten got married. Who could have guessed that when I was five years old and I asked if she needed help cutting the orange top off her Elmer's glue, a beautiful friendship would fluorish? Cool!
Anyway, it was absolutely wonderful to be back in Michigan. The trees were all fall colors (something I haven't seen in two years), and the air was cool and crisp ("but not 'fried chicken' cripsy," as Cara would tell you). My mom and sister came to Ann Arbor, and we had a blast having a girls' weekend. We got a fun hotel, did a lot of shopping (where I was TOTALLY spoiled by my mom!), and split a jar of pickles and a box of zebra cakes at midnight on Saturday. These are the little things in life that you never forget. I will also never forget watching my 17 year-old sister teaching my mom how to "Wobble." I have it on video, but my mom made me promise noto to put it online. Come to think of it, maybe that's why she spoiled me so much... ha ha! What can I say? Bribes work. I'm not showing you the video.
With that said, the true purpose of this post is to tell you about my new best friend. She's five years old, and her name is Kylan. She was the flower girl in Betsy's wedding, and I guess she decided that she liked me because she glued herself to my side for the entire time. I was trying to spend time with my mom and sister, but she kept saying, "Christine! Come here! I gotta show you something!" and then she would pull on my dress until I went with her to go see whatever thing is was that she "had" to show me. It was usually something really awkward like, "Look! That guy's name is RICK!" At which point Rick would look at me quizically, and I would apologize and drag Kylan away.
The climax of the awkwardness with Kylan came at the reception. Her mom was who-knows-where, and her dad was about to pray to bless the food. Kylan chose that moment to pull on my dress and whisper, "Christine...I have to go potty!" I leaned down and whispered, "We're about to pray, can you wait?" She agreed. About two words into the prayer, though, I felt a small tug on my dress again. I looked down at her, and Kylan's white dress was all poofed out because she was trying to grab at her underwear. She looked at me desparately and said, "I can't hold it...." I looked around frantically for a bathroom, but I couldn't find one. I couldn't ask anyone because I didn't want to interrupt the prayer. I grabbed Kylan and raced upstairs to the deli that was located above the reception hall. I went to the first worker I saw and said, "I've got a five year old here who really has to go." (Kylan was bouncing and making whiny noises in the background). The deli person was confused. "Isn't there a bathroom downstairs?" "Yes, probably..." I replied, "but they're praying and I don't know where it is!" "Oh my!" declared the worker, realizing that she was probably about to have pee all over her floor. She hurried us to the deli bathroom.
I tried to stand outside while Kylan went, but she pulled me inside. "Christine, I need your help!!" Oh, great. So I ran inside and was about to help Kylan lift up her dress, but she insisted that I had to take the entire thing off. Ummm...okay. So I found myself standing in a bathroom stall with a butt-naked five year old that I had only met a few hours earlier. That didn't seem sketchy or awkward... Kylan finished doing her business and asked me to help get her dress back on. I said okay. As I bent down to zip up her dress, Kylan giggled and said, "Oops, I just farted on you. Sorry!" Good heavens. I am SO never having kids.
I took Kylan back downstairs and explained to her mother why her daughter had mysteriously disappeared. The mom seemed unfazed, responding with "No problem. I figured she was with you somewhere." I bet the mom was just happy that it wasn't her day to get farted on. :-/
Now I am safely back in Vegas, 2,000 miles away from the adorable and exasperating Kylan. Phew!
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Big Day!
Well, friends, today is a big day for me: the book I've been writing for the past year finally made it to the print stage! I got my copy in the mail to look over, and then once I approve it the book will be printed and distributed nationwide! Whooooooo hooooo! *happy dance*
You might say to yourself, "Why is Christine writing a blog when she should be out celebrating? She should be eating at a fancy restaurant and letting the champagne flow! Months of work are paying off!"
Yeah, well...no one is here to celebrate with me. I don't want to go out to dinner by myself. Plus, even if I did want to, I don't have a car. I'll just have to celebrate on my official release date, when the book hits bookstores.
For today, though, I'm finding my own ways to celebrate. For example: I showed Elvis the book. I don't think he really realized what a huge deal this is for me, even though I told him. Once I held a treat up by the book, he began to show more appropriate levels of excitement. Good boy. We danced around the kitchen together.
I am seriously considering taking my book down to the front office and showing it to the people who work at the front desk. They seem nice enough. I bet they would be excited for me. Maybe I could even get a discount on next month's rent if I promise to put something complimentary about these apartments in my next novel. Hmmmm... I'm going to be a best-selling author someday. They should get in good with me while they can. Maybe when I'm really famous, my apartment will be a museum exhibit or something. Kind of like how people travel from all over to see the cafe where JK Rowling wrote the Harry Potter books (I bet that cafe owner is PUMPED about that, ha ha.)
I know, I know. I didn't write Harry Potter. I wrote 149 pages of juvenile fiction about my cat. Still, it's a start, right?? Hmmmmm?? BE HAPPY FOR ME!
Aw, screw it. I don't care who is happy for me. I'M HAPPY FOR ME!!! WHOOOO HOOOOO!!! GO ME!!!
Today is a good day.
You might say to yourself, "Why is Christine writing a blog when she should be out celebrating? She should be eating at a fancy restaurant and letting the champagne flow! Months of work are paying off!"
Yeah, well...no one is here to celebrate with me. I don't want to go out to dinner by myself. Plus, even if I did want to, I don't have a car. I'll just have to celebrate on my official release date, when the book hits bookstores.
For today, though, I'm finding my own ways to celebrate. For example: I showed Elvis the book. I don't think he really realized what a huge deal this is for me, even though I told him. Once I held a treat up by the book, he began to show more appropriate levels of excitement. Good boy. We danced around the kitchen together.
I am seriously considering taking my book down to the front office and showing it to the people who work at the front desk. They seem nice enough. I bet they would be excited for me. Maybe I could even get a discount on next month's rent if I promise to put something complimentary about these apartments in my next novel. Hmmmm... I'm going to be a best-selling author someday. They should get in good with me while they can. Maybe when I'm really famous, my apartment will be a museum exhibit or something. Kind of like how people travel from all over to see the cafe where JK Rowling wrote the Harry Potter books (I bet that cafe owner is PUMPED about that, ha ha.)
I know, I know. I didn't write Harry Potter. I wrote 149 pages of juvenile fiction about my cat. Still, it's a start, right?? Hmmmmm?? BE HAPPY FOR ME!
Aw, screw it. I don't care who is happy for me. I'M HAPPY FOR ME!!! WHOOOO HOOOOO!!! GO ME!!!
Today is a good day.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Alone
Okay friends, it's official: I'm not good at living alone.
I said goodbye to my husband this morning, and it was super sad. He's moving to Reno until October 26 so that he can do a clinical rotation. It's a necessary step on our way to being "Dr. and Mrs. Webb," but I don't like it.
I felt so pathetic standing out there by the suburban, tearing up as I said goodbye. I wore some chunky sunglasses to hide it, but a pesky tear escaped the sanctuary of my plastic sunglass-shield. "Are you crying?" asked Rex. "Don't cry - you're going to be fine!" He wiped the tear off of my cheek and pulled me in for another hug.
I spent a bit of time feeling stupid. I mean, people have spouses in the military who are deployed for a year at a time, and I'm crying over a month....that's dumb. But you know what? I decided something: being away from my best friend for a month STINKS, and there's no way around that. It's just going to be sad, and it's okay that I'm sad about it.
Another reason I'm sad is this: I don't know how to live alone! I really don't. In the six years that Rex and I have been together, the longest we've been apart was for ten days when I went to Australia. It feels really weird to be without him. For example, I set out to cook lunch and realized that I don't know how to cook for one person. I'm used to cooking for five people (one person is me and the other four are all Rex...he eats a lot). How do you cook for just one? It seems depressing.
Then I went to go clean up our bedroom, and I started thinking - what am I going to wear to bed tonight? My extensive collection of silky lingerie seems pretty dumb to wear when it's just me and the cat sleeping in the bed, but I don't know if I even have "normal" pajamas anymore. I mean, what's the point of pajamas again? Why don't I just sleep in my everyday clothes? I guess maybe I'll wear gym clothes to be comfy... Hmmm...
Also, there's our beagle Elvis. As soon as Rex left, Elvis started running around the apartment sniffing for him. He looked at me as if to say, "Umm...you both went outside, so how come only you came back?" It's no secret that Rex and Elvis have a special connection, so I'm pretty sure that Elvis is bummed to be stuck with only me. I tried to warm Elvis up to the idea of living just the two of us by letting him lick the dirty dishes before I washed them, but it was a bit anticlimactic because my favorite part of doing that is when Rex sees Elvis licking the dishes and says, "Christine! What are you doing?! He can't eat people food! And it's nasty to let him lick off of our dishes! Ewwwwww!" And then we have a flirty fight about how to "raise our dog" correctly. Today, though, no one was there to yell at me. It made me even sadder.
To cheer myself up, I decided to go try on my bridesmaid's dress for the wedding I'm in next weekend. After all, I bought the dress in July so I figured I should probably make sure that it still fits. It's a really pretty dress that I will actually wear again (I've been tempted to wear it quite a few times since I bought it, but I figure it's rude to wear it before the wedding). It's hard to feel sad when you're wearing a pretty dress, so I put it on. As soon as I put it on, I ran into a problem. Explain this one to me, you live-aloners: How are you supposed to get a zipper unstuck if you live alone?!?! Is my DOG supposed to get it unstuck for me? Do I walk down to my old-man neighbor while I'm half-dressed and ask him to get me out of this situation? I pretty much hopped around my room looking ridiculous until I got my zipper unstuck. Good news, though: the dress still fits. The zipper just stinks.
Rex bought me a bouquet of lilies yesterday, and they are gorgeous. I came home from school and they were sitting on the counter. Rex told me that the lilies should stay alive for about two weeks, and when they die he'll send me some new ones. Then, by the time those die, he'll be home. So really he's not going to be long for too long: just two lily lifetimes. It was really sweet and romantic, but it makes me miss him even more every time I see the lilies.
Isn't this pathetic?! It's a month. ONE MONTH! I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and realize that lots of people are separated for way longer than that. I've always suspected that Rex and I are more in love than a lot of other couples, though, so that makes it harder... Life seems like a two-person job. I don't like trying to do it alone.
Hurry home, Rex. I miss you.
I said goodbye to my husband this morning, and it was super sad. He's moving to Reno until October 26 so that he can do a clinical rotation. It's a necessary step on our way to being "Dr. and Mrs. Webb," but I don't like it.
I felt so pathetic standing out there by the suburban, tearing up as I said goodbye. I wore some chunky sunglasses to hide it, but a pesky tear escaped the sanctuary of my plastic sunglass-shield. "Are you crying?" asked Rex. "Don't cry - you're going to be fine!" He wiped the tear off of my cheek and pulled me in for another hug.
I spent a bit of time feeling stupid. I mean, people have spouses in the military who are deployed for a year at a time, and I'm crying over a month....that's dumb. But you know what? I decided something: being away from my best friend for a month STINKS, and there's no way around that. It's just going to be sad, and it's okay that I'm sad about it.
Another reason I'm sad is this: I don't know how to live alone! I really don't. In the six years that Rex and I have been together, the longest we've been apart was for ten days when I went to Australia. It feels really weird to be without him. For example, I set out to cook lunch and realized that I don't know how to cook for one person. I'm used to cooking for five people (one person is me and the other four are all Rex...he eats a lot). How do you cook for just one? It seems depressing.
Then I went to go clean up our bedroom, and I started thinking - what am I going to wear to bed tonight? My extensive collection of silky lingerie seems pretty dumb to wear when it's just me and the cat sleeping in the bed, but I don't know if I even have "normal" pajamas anymore. I mean, what's the point of pajamas again? Why don't I just sleep in my everyday clothes? I guess maybe I'll wear gym clothes to be comfy... Hmmm...
Also, there's our beagle Elvis. As soon as Rex left, Elvis started running around the apartment sniffing for him. He looked at me as if to say, "Umm...you both went outside, so how come only you came back?" It's no secret that Rex and Elvis have a special connection, so I'm pretty sure that Elvis is bummed to be stuck with only me. I tried to warm Elvis up to the idea of living just the two of us by letting him lick the dirty dishes before I washed them, but it was a bit anticlimactic because my favorite part of doing that is when Rex sees Elvis licking the dishes and says, "Christine! What are you doing?! He can't eat people food! And it's nasty to let him lick off of our dishes! Ewwwwww!" And then we have a flirty fight about how to "raise our dog" correctly. Today, though, no one was there to yell at me. It made me even sadder.
To cheer myself up, I decided to go try on my bridesmaid's dress for the wedding I'm in next weekend. After all, I bought the dress in July so I figured I should probably make sure that it still fits. It's a really pretty dress that I will actually wear again (I've been tempted to wear it quite a few times since I bought it, but I figure it's rude to wear it before the wedding). It's hard to feel sad when you're wearing a pretty dress, so I put it on. As soon as I put it on, I ran into a problem. Explain this one to me, you live-aloners: How are you supposed to get a zipper unstuck if you live alone?!?! Is my DOG supposed to get it unstuck for me? Do I walk down to my old-man neighbor while I'm half-dressed and ask him to get me out of this situation? I pretty much hopped around my room looking ridiculous until I got my zipper unstuck. Good news, though: the dress still fits. The zipper just stinks.
Rex bought me a bouquet of lilies yesterday, and they are gorgeous. I came home from school and they were sitting on the counter. Rex told me that the lilies should stay alive for about two weeks, and when they die he'll send me some new ones. Then, by the time those die, he'll be home. So really he's not going to be long for too long: just two lily lifetimes. It was really sweet and romantic, but it makes me miss him even more every time I see the lilies.
Isn't this pathetic?! It's a month. ONE MONTH! I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and realize that lots of people are separated for way longer than that. I've always suspected that Rex and I are more in love than a lot of other couples, though, so that makes it harder... Life seems like a two-person job. I don't like trying to do it alone.
Hurry home, Rex. I miss you.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
E-Stim
I wasn't really nervous until we were walking out to the car and Rex said, "Wait! I forgot my electrodes!" and ran back upstairs to get them.
Rex needed his electrodes because my back was hurting me. Rex, in his physical therapy brilliance, said that he could easily fix it with something called "E-Stim." We had to go to his school to use the machine.
"E-Stim" stands for "Electrical Stimulation." Apparently something about putting electricity through the appropriate muscles makes them loosen up and not hurt anymore or something. I figured it was worth a try.
So we got to Rex's school and he pulled out the crazy looking E-Stim machine. It looked like a weird robot with tentacle arms that Rex was ready to hook up to my body. Ummm...eeeeeek.
We went into an empty classroom, and Rex started getting the machine ready for the procedure. He started monitoring the levels of electrical activity, and I started getting nervous. I forced a small laugh and wondered aloud, "Isn't electricity what the government uses to execute people? I mean, is this procedure...safe? My back doesn't hurt so badly that I want to die." He answered with a dismissive "You're fine" and pretty much ignored me because he was still setting up. I couldn't tell if this made me more or less nervous.
As he was setting up, I had visions of future front page headlines: "CHRISTINE WEBB'S BODY FOUND; DEATH DEEMED 'MYSTERIOUS.'" I thought back to earlier that day, earlier that week, and earlier that year. Had I done anything to make Rex particularly angry? I didn't think so. I figured he didn't bring me to his deserted school on a Friday night to kill me. I mean.....probably.
I trusted Rex enough to let him hook the electrodes up on me, confident that if I died the murder would be accidental. He had me lie down on a table, and he taped the crazy wires to my back. Okay, he didn't actually "tape" them with tape, but I don't know the technical term for "sticky material that makes the electrodes stick to you." Whatever that is, he used that.
Once I was all hooked up to his Frankenstein machine, he started turning up the electrical pulses. He told me to tell him when I started "feeling it." What?! What was THAT supposed to mean? What was I supposed to feel? Was I going to start twitching uncontrollably like a person hooked up to electricity in a mad scientist's lab? I pictured this and wished I hadn't. Was it going to burn? Was it going to sting? I started thinking that maybe this was a bad idea after all.
Suddenly an odd sensation started spreading over my back. It felt prickly, like your foot feels when it falls asleep. But everyone knows that your back doesn't fall asleep, so it felt really weird. I wasn't at all sure that I liked it.
After a few minutes of this, I told Rex that I was done. He said that I couldn't be done until the machine said I was. Are you kidding me? Doctors these days are taking their orders from machines? Our world is going to be run by robots pretty soon, like Ray Bradbury and George Orwell have always predicted. Does no one read old-days science fiction any more?! We must stop this madness! I wanted to rip the electrodes off of me and run screaming from the building, but I figured that was probably a bad idea.
Finally, after what felt like years (but was apparently only fifteen minutes), the machine told me I was "done." Specifically, it let off a mechanical melody that sounded almost exactly like the little song at the end of each Super Mario Brothers level when Mario jumps up to grab the flag. It was oddly cheery yet vindictive, and I found myself glaring at the machine.
Rex made me do a couple stretches, and then we went home. I have to admit, the whole experience kind of freaked me out. Technology is getting weird. At least Rex didn't use too much electricity and kill me, though, so I had that to be thankful for. Also, the Mario Machine ended up totally fixing my back. I woke up the next morning completely pain free. Cool!
Rex needed his electrodes because my back was hurting me. Rex, in his physical therapy brilliance, said that he could easily fix it with something called "E-Stim." We had to go to his school to use the machine.
"E-Stim" stands for "Electrical Stimulation." Apparently something about putting electricity through the appropriate muscles makes them loosen up and not hurt anymore or something. I figured it was worth a try.
So we got to Rex's school and he pulled out the crazy looking E-Stim machine. It looked like a weird robot with tentacle arms that Rex was ready to hook up to my body. Ummm...eeeeeek.
We went into an empty classroom, and Rex started getting the machine ready for the procedure. He started monitoring the levels of electrical activity, and I started getting nervous. I forced a small laugh and wondered aloud, "Isn't electricity what the government uses to execute people? I mean, is this procedure...safe? My back doesn't hurt so badly that I want to die." He answered with a dismissive "You're fine" and pretty much ignored me because he was still setting up. I couldn't tell if this made me more or less nervous.
As he was setting up, I had visions of future front page headlines: "CHRISTINE WEBB'S BODY FOUND; DEATH DEEMED 'MYSTERIOUS.'" I thought back to earlier that day, earlier that week, and earlier that year. Had I done anything to make Rex particularly angry? I didn't think so. I figured he didn't bring me to his deserted school on a Friday night to kill me. I mean.....probably.
I trusted Rex enough to let him hook the electrodes up on me, confident that if I died the murder would be accidental. He had me lie down on a table, and he taped the crazy wires to my back. Okay, he didn't actually "tape" them with tape, but I don't know the technical term for "sticky material that makes the electrodes stick to you." Whatever that is, he used that.
Once I was all hooked up to his Frankenstein machine, he started turning up the electrical pulses. He told me to tell him when I started "feeling it." What?! What was THAT supposed to mean? What was I supposed to feel? Was I going to start twitching uncontrollably like a person hooked up to electricity in a mad scientist's lab? I pictured this and wished I hadn't. Was it going to burn? Was it going to sting? I started thinking that maybe this was a bad idea after all.
Suddenly an odd sensation started spreading over my back. It felt prickly, like your foot feels when it falls asleep. But everyone knows that your back doesn't fall asleep, so it felt really weird. I wasn't at all sure that I liked it.
After a few minutes of this, I told Rex that I was done. He said that I couldn't be done until the machine said I was. Are you kidding me? Doctors these days are taking their orders from machines? Our world is going to be run by robots pretty soon, like Ray Bradbury and George Orwell have always predicted. Does no one read old-days science fiction any more?! We must stop this madness! I wanted to rip the electrodes off of me and run screaming from the building, but I figured that was probably a bad idea.
Finally, after what felt like years (but was apparently only fifteen minutes), the machine told me I was "done." Specifically, it let off a mechanical melody that sounded almost exactly like the little song at the end of each Super Mario Brothers level when Mario jumps up to grab the flag. It was oddly cheery yet vindictive, and I found myself glaring at the machine.
Rex made me do a couple stretches, and then we went home. I have to admit, the whole experience kind of freaked me out. Technology is getting weird. At least Rex didn't use too much electricity and kill me, though, so I had that to be thankful for. Also, the Mario Machine ended up totally fixing my back. I woke up the next morning completely pain free. Cool!
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Maid of Honor Speech
Let me begin by saying how happy I am that you are all able to be here today to celebrate the wedding of Cara and Clayton. I am thrilled to be able to be here to celebrate their love.
*Cara and Clayton share an affectionate glance*
Back when Cara and Clayton first met, I was living in Las Vegas. I lived so far away that I couldn't keep up on Cara's life, so I talked to some people about keeping an eye on her and filling me in on how she was doing. My main informants were Jacob (Rex's brother) Stephanie (Jacob's girlfriend at the time, now his wife) and Valerie (Rex's cousin). They would text me updates about how she was adjusting to life at her new high school.
Might I point out that if Cara would have taken the time to update me on her own life, I wouldn't have had to resort to espionage? But alas, a sister's gotta do what a sister's gotta do.
So one weekend, Kalamazoo Christian High School had a football game followed by a dance called the "Fall Mixer." This is when I was first informed of Cara's new alleged love interest. Jacob sent me a picture text from the dance that showed Cara chatting up a mysterious handsome man wearing a gray shirt. I was a bit disturbed by the shortness of Cara's shorts, but I was thankful for the picture anyway. Who was this man? Was he worthy of my sister?
I texted Jacob back, but he assured me that the two of them were just "talking." Hmmm... I decided to sleep on it. The next day, Rex was talking to his mom on the phone when she mentioned, "Cara was wearing some guy's football jersey at the game...are they together?" AH HA! She was wearing his JERSEY?! Well, they were practically going steady. If this was the year 1957, she would have been wearing his letterman jacket. In the year 1978, she would have been wearing his class ring. You get the idea.
Armed with this new bit of information, I decided to call Cara. She didn't answer (BECAUSE SHE NEVER KEEPS ME INFORMED ABOUT HER LIFE!), so I called my dad. I asked him what was up with this new "Clayton" character. My dad said that he and Cara spent all of their time together, and they were as good as officially dating. I told him that I already knew that because of the jersey thing, and my dad said, "I'm pretty sure he plays basketball. Why was Cara wearing a basketball jersey to a football game?" I responded that I'm quite sure Clayton also plays football, or else Cara looked like a total idiot at that football game wearing the wrong type of jersey. Ha ha.
Finally I got my dad to pass the phone on to Cara (HA! Now she HAD to talk to me!). I confronted her with my truckload of evidence, and she started laughing. She claimed that she and Clayton are just friends. Now let me ask you, friends and family - the first time you saw this couple together, did you ever think they would be okay with being "just friends"?
*good humored laughter from the crowd*
I asked Cara about the jersey thing, and she said that Clayton's mom asked him to have someone wear his jersey, so she was just bailing him out so that his mom would stop bothering him. At this point, Rex piped up in the background: "It's like she thinks we were never in high school or something! His MOM asked him to ask her to wear it?! That's the best story she could come up with?!"
*Clayton kisses Cara on the forehead, and she blushes at the obvious transparency of the my-mom-made-you-wear-my-jersey story*
I wanted Cara to be able to trust me, so I continued: "Cara, you can tell me the truth. It's not like I heard you were wearing some guy's jersey and immediately started looking up wedding dress designs for you!" There was a long silence before Cara said, "Christine....please tell me that you're being sarcastic right now."
Dang! The girl knew me too well. But looking up wedding dresses is FUN! Anyway, I made a promise to her: "Cara, if you really do start dating him, I promise to stop planning your wedding......in front of your face, anyway...." Ha ha. He sounded like a great guy. The only downfall I saw was his last name. I don't remember it exactly, but it was something weird like "Murple." Oh well - I guess with a last name like "Knasel," almost anything would be an upgrade.
While Cara and I were talking, my dad walked into her room. She yelled at him indignantly, "Daaaaaaad, I can't believe you told Christine that I'm dating Clayton!"
He shrugged (I guess I didn't see that since we were on the phone, but I know my dad and I'm pretty sure that he shrugged here). "Sorry, what's his name? Caleb or something? Conor? I thought it was Clayton."
She got even more annoyed. "Daaaaaaaad! I'm not dating anyone!" He replied with something along the lines of "Okay, whatever," and left.
Cara turned back to our conversation. "I knew you were going to hear about the jersey thing. I just knew it! I avoided Jake, Stephanie, AND Valerie all night so they wouldn't snitch to you. My friends thought I was crazy. They were like, 'Your sister's not that creepy...no one is going to tell her about your life.' I didn't realize that I also needed to avoid REX'S MOTHER! I didn't even see her!" I warned Cara that I have eyes out everywhere...she's not going to sneak anything past me.
Anyway, things got a lot easier when I moved back to Michigan in 2013 and could actually be a part of Cara's life without creepily stalking her via my in-laws. I learned that Clayton was actually a really nice guy, and maybe Cara didn't need me to be as protective as I thought I needed to be.
*I tear up a little bit here*
Clayton is a wonderful man who will take great care of my baby sister, and I'm so glad that you found each other. I'll stop stalking you now, Cara, I promise. Stalking a married lady is creepy. Anyway.....to the bride and groom!
*Cara and Clayton share an affectionate glance*
Back when Cara and Clayton first met, I was living in Las Vegas. I lived so far away that I couldn't keep up on Cara's life, so I talked to some people about keeping an eye on her and filling me in on how she was doing. My main informants were Jacob (Rex's brother) Stephanie (Jacob's girlfriend at the time, now his wife) and Valerie (Rex's cousin). They would text me updates about how she was adjusting to life at her new high school.
Might I point out that if Cara would have taken the time to update me on her own life, I wouldn't have had to resort to espionage? But alas, a sister's gotta do what a sister's gotta do.
So one weekend, Kalamazoo Christian High School had a football game followed by a dance called the "Fall Mixer." This is when I was first informed of Cara's new alleged love interest. Jacob sent me a picture text from the dance that showed Cara chatting up a mysterious handsome man wearing a gray shirt. I was a bit disturbed by the shortness of Cara's shorts, but I was thankful for the picture anyway. Who was this man? Was he worthy of my sister?
I texted Jacob back, but he assured me that the two of them were just "talking." Hmmm... I decided to sleep on it. The next day, Rex was talking to his mom on the phone when she mentioned, "Cara was wearing some guy's football jersey at the game...are they together?" AH HA! She was wearing his JERSEY?! Well, they were practically going steady. If this was the year 1957, she would have been wearing his letterman jacket. In the year 1978, she would have been wearing his class ring. You get the idea.
Armed with this new bit of information, I decided to call Cara. She didn't answer (BECAUSE SHE NEVER KEEPS ME INFORMED ABOUT HER LIFE!), so I called my dad. I asked him what was up with this new "Clayton" character. My dad said that he and Cara spent all of their time together, and they were as good as officially dating. I told him that I already knew that because of the jersey thing, and my dad said, "I'm pretty sure he plays basketball. Why was Cara wearing a basketball jersey to a football game?" I responded that I'm quite sure Clayton also plays football, or else Cara looked like a total idiot at that football game wearing the wrong type of jersey. Ha ha.
Finally I got my dad to pass the phone on to Cara (HA! Now she HAD to talk to me!). I confronted her with my truckload of evidence, and she started laughing. She claimed that she and Clayton are just friends. Now let me ask you, friends and family - the first time you saw this couple together, did you ever think they would be okay with being "just friends"?
*good humored laughter from the crowd*
I asked Cara about the jersey thing, and she said that Clayton's mom asked him to have someone wear his jersey, so she was just bailing him out so that his mom would stop bothering him. At this point, Rex piped up in the background: "It's like she thinks we were never in high school or something! His MOM asked him to ask her to wear it?! That's the best story she could come up with?!"
*Clayton kisses Cara on the forehead, and she blushes at the obvious transparency of the my-mom-made-you-wear-my-jersey story*
I wanted Cara to be able to trust me, so I continued: "Cara, you can tell me the truth. It's not like I heard you were wearing some guy's jersey and immediately started looking up wedding dress designs for you!" There was a long silence before Cara said, "Christine....please tell me that you're being sarcastic right now."
Dang! The girl knew me too well. But looking up wedding dresses is FUN! Anyway, I made a promise to her: "Cara, if you really do start dating him, I promise to stop planning your wedding......in front of your face, anyway...." Ha ha. He sounded like a great guy. The only downfall I saw was his last name. I don't remember it exactly, but it was something weird like "Murple." Oh well - I guess with a last name like "Knasel," almost anything would be an upgrade.
While Cara and I were talking, my dad walked into her room. She yelled at him indignantly, "Daaaaaaad, I can't believe you told Christine that I'm dating Clayton!"
He shrugged (I guess I didn't see that since we were on the phone, but I know my dad and I'm pretty sure that he shrugged here). "Sorry, what's his name? Caleb or something? Conor? I thought it was Clayton."
She got even more annoyed. "Daaaaaaaad! I'm not dating anyone!" He replied with something along the lines of "Okay, whatever," and left.
Cara turned back to our conversation. "I knew you were going to hear about the jersey thing. I just knew it! I avoided Jake, Stephanie, AND Valerie all night so they wouldn't snitch to you. My friends thought I was crazy. They were like, 'Your sister's not that creepy...no one is going to tell her about your life.' I didn't realize that I also needed to avoid REX'S MOTHER! I didn't even see her!" I warned Cara that I have eyes out everywhere...she's not going to sneak anything past me.
Anyway, things got a lot easier when I moved back to Michigan in 2013 and could actually be a part of Cara's life without creepily stalking her via my in-laws. I learned that Clayton was actually a really nice guy, and maybe Cara didn't need me to be as protective as I thought I needed to be.
*I tear up a little bit here*
Clayton is a wonderful man who will take great care of my baby sister, and I'm so glad that you found each other. I'll stop stalking you now, Cara, I promise. Stalking a married lady is creepy. Anyway.....to the bride and groom!
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Watching College Football
Rex and I are all about free stuff. Seriously. This is the way we see it: the less money we spend on other stuff, the more money we have to spend on dogs and Olive Garden.
We have always been this way. For a recap on some of our free-stuff-searching experiences, you can check out my blog post from a year and a half ago: http://webbnewlyweds.blogspot.com/2011/02/things-we-do-for-free-pizza.html
In order to save money, Rex and I have never bought TV service (cable or otherwise). We have a television set in order to watch DVDs, but it gets zero channels. This is great for us during the majority of the year, but it becomes a real problem during college football season.
College football season is the one time a year when we really want to watch TV. As I sit here watching the Michigan State game and typing this blog in the deserted student lounge of Rex's school, I can't help but run a mental recap of all of the stuff we've done to be able to watch our beloved Spartans play:
1. One of the best Saturdays of my college career was when we got to volunteer to do parking duty for MSU. Rex and I spent four hours telling people where to park, and in exchange we each got a free ticket to the game! Whoooo hooooo! We were super pumped.
2. During other home games, Rex and I would walk in circles around Spartan Stadium. We could hear the announcer and the cheers from the 70,000+ screaming fans, so it was almost like we were at the game. Almost.
3. There was a big screen TV in the cafeteria, so sometimes we would watch games in there. I always felt a little bit sheepish, though, as if I was joining some "We're too poor to get tickets to the game" club. I felt like I was less of a fan than the ones in the stadium, but that's not true! I was just poor!
4. Once we got married, things got a bit more complicated since we no longer lived on campus. Luckily, we made friends with our new neighbors. Even more luckily, they loved college football and had a party every Saturday for people to come watch the games on their really nice TV. To this day, every time I watch football I get kind of hungry for Karl's homemade nachos.
5. In 2011, Rex and I moved to Las Vegas, 2000 miles away from our beloved Spartans. This became really complicated, as we did not have a social group of Spartan fans to invite us to warm their couches. During the football season last year, we spent a considerable amount of time at our local Buffalo Wild Wings. We originally tried to watch games at the casino close to our apartment, but they play the game with no sound! What's a football game with no sound?! So anyway, we went to Buffalo Wild Wings. The problem with this is that you can't just go sit there. You have to buy something. Rex and I would stay there for hours and only buy six chicken wings total....that always made me feel a bit guilty.
6. This year, we found a new TV to claim - the TV in Rex's school's student lounge. We can spread out on the couches and turn up the game. Rex yells at the TV and annoys all of the other people in the lounge, so they go study somewhere else. It makes me feel bad, but Rex just says, "There are a million study rooms in this building, and this is the only one with a TV. I'm claiming it." Silly Rex...but I guess he takes football pretty seriously.
We have always found a way to watch the games. I wonder what we'll do next year, when we are back in Michigan? Will we just go to one of our parents' houses every Saturday? Sounds good to me....Rex's mom makes some really good nachos. Mmmmmm....now I'm hungry. Oh well, this year we're still TV nomads, so we get no snacks. I don't care (that much). GO GREEN!
We have always been this way. For a recap on some of our free-stuff-searching experiences, you can check out my blog post from a year and a half ago: http://webbnewlyweds.blogspot.com/2011/02/things-we-do-for-free-pizza.html
In order to save money, Rex and I have never bought TV service (cable or otherwise). We have a television set in order to watch DVDs, but it gets zero channels. This is great for us during the majority of the year, but it becomes a real problem during college football season.
College football season is the one time a year when we really want to watch TV. As I sit here watching the Michigan State game and typing this blog in the deserted student lounge of Rex's school, I can't help but run a mental recap of all of the stuff we've done to be able to watch our beloved Spartans play:
1. One of the best Saturdays of my college career was when we got to volunteer to do parking duty for MSU. Rex and I spent four hours telling people where to park, and in exchange we each got a free ticket to the game! Whoooo hooooo! We were super pumped.
2. During other home games, Rex and I would walk in circles around Spartan Stadium. We could hear the announcer and the cheers from the 70,000+ screaming fans, so it was almost like we were at the game. Almost.
3. There was a big screen TV in the cafeteria, so sometimes we would watch games in there. I always felt a little bit sheepish, though, as if I was joining some "We're too poor to get tickets to the game" club. I felt like I was less of a fan than the ones in the stadium, but that's not true! I was just poor!
4. Once we got married, things got a bit more complicated since we no longer lived on campus. Luckily, we made friends with our new neighbors. Even more luckily, they loved college football and had a party every Saturday for people to come watch the games on their really nice TV. To this day, every time I watch football I get kind of hungry for Karl's homemade nachos.
5. In 2011, Rex and I moved to Las Vegas, 2000 miles away from our beloved Spartans. This became really complicated, as we did not have a social group of Spartan fans to invite us to warm their couches. During the football season last year, we spent a considerable amount of time at our local Buffalo Wild Wings. We originally tried to watch games at the casino close to our apartment, but they play the game with no sound! What's a football game with no sound?! So anyway, we went to Buffalo Wild Wings. The problem with this is that you can't just go sit there. You have to buy something. Rex and I would stay there for hours and only buy six chicken wings total....that always made me feel a bit guilty.
6. This year, we found a new TV to claim - the TV in Rex's school's student lounge. We can spread out on the couches and turn up the game. Rex yells at the TV and annoys all of the other people in the lounge, so they go study somewhere else. It makes me feel bad, but Rex just says, "There are a million study rooms in this building, and this is the only one with a TV. I'm claiming it." Silly Rex...but I guess he takes football pretty seriously.
We have always found a way to watch the games. I wonder what we'll do next year, when we are back in Michigan? Will we just go to one of our parents' houses every Saturday? Sounds good to me....Rex's mom makes some really good nachos. Mmmmmm....now I'm hungry. Oh well, this year we're still TV nomads, so we get no snacks. I don't care (that much). GO GREEN!
Monday, September 3, 2012
Fifth Grade
Ahhhhh...the first blog post of September. If I could make this a "Scratch-n-Sniff" post, it would smell of sharpened pencils, new books, and industrial cleaner (haven't you ever noticed that all schools smell like industrial cleaner at the beginning of the year?!) Anyway, school is officially in session, so you know what it's time for....STUDENT STORIES!
Names have been changed.
1. Part of the beginning of the year is establishing routines. One routine is that if I'm working one-on-one with a student, other students are not to interrupt unless they are "bleeding or barfing." During the second week of school, I was working with a student when Pete came up to talk to me. He started to interrupt, which was weird for Pete because he seems very quiet and responsible. I said to him, "Pete, you need to wait a moment while I help Wendy." Pete seemed very insistent and said it was "important," so I turned around and said, "Okay, Pete. What is it?" He responded urgently, "The rats grabbed your internet cord and are DEMOLISHING it." BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! They were indeed chewing on my yellow ethernet cord as if it was made out of rat treats. Don't ask me how they pulled it into their cage, but they did. I ran over and fixed the situation, and then I thanked Pete. I had to change my rule to, "You can interrupt me if you are bleeding, barfing, or if the rats are destroying something important."
2. On one of the first days of school, Juan came up to me and said, "Here Miss Webb. I made these for you." The cookies he gave me are pictured below. One has my name on it, and one has a spider web "because your name is web, like a spider." It doesn't really matter that my name is Mrs., not Miss, and also that he spelled my name wrong.... it's the thought that counts. I think they are adorable, and they were tasty too!
3. Have you ever heard of "Skylanders"? Well, they are creepy little things that are probably a new generation of Pokemon. There are Skylander figurines that are very popular with the boys in my class, and I think they are all creepy looking. They are tiny little monsters with plastic weapons. One boy was playing with one during class, and I turned from my lecture and said, "David. If someone is playing with toys during my class, I take them away. You have to understand, though, that the toy you are playing with CREEPS ME OUT, and I really really really don't want to take it from you because I think it will give me nightmares. If you could put it away, I think it would save both of us some trouble." He put it away, but then later that day put it on my keyboard so that when I went to my computer it would be there to scare me. Ha ha! Goofy kids. They crack me up.
4. I have a student who is very special needs. You have to understand that for this story to make sense. He is very respectful and cute, but he's just.......special. I had been talking all week about an English quiz, yet when we got to Friday he was still surprised by it. He did not mean to be disrespectful AT ALL, but when I started to pass out the quiz he put on a southern accent and said, "Heeeeeey! You didn't tell us about no quiz, Cowgirl!" L.O.L.
5. When students are finished with their quizzes, they can either read or draw on the back of their quiz. Johnny was drawing on the back of his paper. He drew a ship with a flag that said "USA," and all of the people on the ship were freaking out because a giant shark was about to take a bite out of it. I bent down to Johnny and whispered, "I really like your picture, but why is the shark killing Americans? That's kind of sad." He said, "Wow, you're right!" and quickly erased the USA flag and replaced it with a flag that said "Russia." "Now the shark is killing the communists!" Hahahaha...politics by a ten-year-old. I love it.
Welllllp, there are five stories to get you excited about fifth grade. I know I am! These kids crack me up, and they are a zillion times more respectful than middle schoolers. Also, I get to be with the same kids all day, so I'm getting to know them really well. We're only two weeks in, but I think it's going to be a great year.
Names have been changed.
1. Part of the beginning of the year is establishing routines. One routine is that if I'm working one-on-one with a student, other students are not to interrupt unless they are "bleeding or barfing." During the second week of school, I was working with a student when Pete came up to talk to me. He started to interrupt, which was weird for Pete because he seems very quiet and responsible. I said to him, "Pete, you need to wait a moment while I help Wendy." Pete seemed very insistent and said it was "important," so I turned around and said, "Okay, Pete. What is it?" He responded urgently, "The rats grabbed your internet cord and are DEMOLISHING it." BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! They were indeed chewing on my yellow ethernet cord as if it was made out of rat treats. Don't ask me how they pulled it into their cage, but they did. I ran over and fixed the situation, and then I thanked Pete. I had to change my rule to, "You can interrupt me if you are bleeding, barfing, or if the rats are destroying something important."
2. On one of the first days of school, Juan came up to me and said, "Here Miss Webb. I made these for you." The cookies he gave me are pictured below. One has my name on it, and one has a spider web "because your name is web, like a spider." It doesn't really matter that my name is Mrs., not Miss, and also that he spelled my name wrong.... it's the thought that counts. I think they are adorable, and they were tasty too!
3. Have you ever heard of "Skylanders"? Well, they are creepy little things that are probably a new generation of Pokemon. There are Skylander figurines that are very popular with the boys in my class, and I think they are all creepy looking. They are tiny little monsters with plastic weapons. One boy was playing with one during class, and I turned from my lecture and said, "David. If someone is playing with toys during my class, I take them away. You have to understand, though, that the toy you are playing with CREEPS ME OUT, and I really really really don't want to take it from you because I think it will give me nightmares. If you could put it away, I think it would save both of us some trouble." He put it away, but then later that day put it on my keyboard so that when I went to my computer it would be there to scare me. Ha ha! Goofy kids. They crack me up.
4. I have a student who is very special needs. You have to understand that for this story to make sense. He is very respectful and cute, but he's just.......special. I had been talking all week about an English quiz, yet when we got to Friday he was still surprised by it. He did not mean to be disrespectful AT ALL, but when I started to pass out the quiz he put on a southern accent and said, "Heeeeeey! You didn't tell us about no quiz, Cowgirl!" L.O.L.
5. When students are finished with their quizzes, they can either read or draw on the back of their quiz. Johnny was drawing on the back of his paper. He drew a ship with a flag that said "USA," and all of the people on the ship were freaking out because a giant shark was about to take a bite out of it. I bent down to Johnny and whispered, "I really like your picture, but why is the shark killing Americans? That's kind of sad." He said, "Wow, you're right!" and quickly erased the USA flag and replaced it with a flag that said "Russia." "Now the shark is killing the communists!" Hahahaha...politics by a ten-year-old. I love it.
Welllllp, there are five stories to get you excited about fifth grade. I know I am! These kids crack me up, and they are a zillion times more respectful than middle schoolers. Also, I get to be with the same kids all day, so I'm getting to know them really well. We're only two weeks in, but I think it's going to be a great year.
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